God's Chisel

Coming Home For Christmas

I am excited as I begin to move towards the next chapter in my life. I am not sure what God is going to do or what He is currently doing in me. My heart is constantly being transformed and sometimes even bulldozed by God. He is hitting me right now left and right with ideas and changes, I love it! I know that everything works out for the good so even though I may have to endure some changes everything is going to be alright. I know I have said this more than once but I don't really care for change but I do welcome it none the less.

Leaving Wisconsin and preparing for Costa leaves me full of questions and uncertainty but I am excited! I have enjoyed being here and I am going to love using what I have learned in future ministry work. Whether that is in Costa Rica or even during my 4 months at home. I don't know what God is going to do today or even 4 months from now but He is in control so I will continue to go wherever my desires, passions, and His love lead me. I know God blesses my efforts  towards spreading His Word.


If you have a few extra minutes listen to this awesome music video from the youth band at RiverGlen!

Crazy Love

So I picked up this book again, Crazy Love, after going to a Bible Study last night. Then before I went to bed I started to read Chapter 8 where Francis Chan attempts to describe the profile of the obsessed. Chan is describing what someone's life looks like when they are obsessed with Jesus.

Now that I know what an obsessed person looks like, what makes someone obsessed with Jesus? What words can make someone obsessed? What looks can make someone obsessed? What worship music can make someone obsessed? What sermon can make someone obsessed?

I would dare to say none of the above. God is the only one that can make someone obsessed. We can't make someone obsessed with Jesus, that person has to discover Jesus for themselves but in this crazy world filled with sin it is possible as followers of Christ to be a light of hope.

However in order to be a light we must look different  than the things around us. We can't just blend in with the world there has to be an evident change in our lives, we need to be obsessed with Jesus. We need to love the Lord and love others. We need to love the "unloveable".  We need to forgive those who hurt us deeply. We need to expose our sins and surrender everything over to God.  We need to be faithful to our first love.

So my question is what are you obsessed with? Do you put God's Kingdom above all else or have you created a world in which everything revolves around you (your safety, your status, your money, your family, your security, your looks)?

I stand in awe

It is great to be reminded of how small I truly am and how wonderful and amazing God really is. As I closed the hallway in KidVenture (the children's ministry) today I was brought to a sudden stop when I looked out the window at God's masterpiece in the sky.  The sunset was so beautiful that all I could do was think of our Creator.

While looking out I wondered why God has me on this journey in life and why God seems to care for me and love me so. I see His love for me every day sometimes it is in a sunset and sometimes it is in a note written by a loved one. God's love and grace always seems to amaze me. In response all I can do is say....

Lord, I am Yours,

  and I must belong to no one but You.

My soul is Yours,

  and must live only by You. 

My will is Yours,

 and must love only for You.

I must love You as my first cause,

 since I am from You.

I must love You as my end and rest,

 since I am for You.

I must love You more than my own being,

 since my being subsists by You.

I must love You more than myself,

 since I am all Yours and all in You. 

Amen. 

I know that I am not my own so I will continue on this journey and glorify the Lord. 

(The prayer in this blog is from the Prayer of Saint Francis de Sales)

Life Song

When I was a freshman college I had to give a speech in Composition class about a song that would describe my life and the song I chose is by Jeremy Camp. "Walk by Faith" is my life song. These are the words that I remind myself of daily...I will walk by faith even when I can not see. I never know what is going to happen from one day to the next but I know that He is faithful and I know that He has prepared a way for me. There are times that I can not see through some of life's problems and complications but I know God can see them and I have faith in Him.

Falling Forward

Anyone that knows me really well knows that I cannot walk in straight line. They also know that I tend to fall a lot and I usually end up falling forward (I am accident prone as my mother would say). I never plan on falling forward it just seems to happen. Although, there have been a few incidents when I did have some help falling forward.

Sometimes in life we need help moving forward so instead of stepping forward we end up falling forward. That is how I feel right now, I am falling forward. I asked God for a while now to make it clear to me whether or not I should stay in Wisconsin for an additional 3 months (from January until March), and I received my answer today. I will be leaving Wisconsin come December. I am very thankful for having the opportunity to do an internship here and for my wonderful host family and for the great friends that I have made here. I am not always sure why God keeps me in one place for the amount of time that He does or why He has me leave, but I trust that He is in control. 

My Prayer

Take my Life by Chris Tomlin

Dreaming God's Dream

My friend, Danielle, recently wrote a blog about her dreams and talked about "dreaming God's dream". I have never really thought about my dreams in that way. Have my dreams been God's dream? I have always said, "God where ever you lead me, I will go". Maybe that is why my dreams have come true because they were never really my dreams to begin with....they were God's dreams for my life.

Of course when you are little you dream about growing up and becoming famous, but ever since I came to know the Lord my dreams have been based around the thought......how can I help others? How can I share the love and hope that God has given me with others? How can I glorify God?

When I was preparing for my first mission trip to Mexico I would dream about what God would do there and I prayed that God would be able to use me in some way, even though I felt completely inadequate. I never imagined that God would undo everything that I ever knew and put in my heart the desire to go into missions.

God is constantly surprising me and opening doors that I would have never of thought of opening. I am going to start praying that I start dreaming more of God's dreams and less of my own.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

All of my Dreams have come true

I realized the other day as I was driving home from Lincoln, IL, after visiting some of my friends, that all of my dreams thus far have come true. Everything that I have wanted to do I have been able to do, but if I didn't have God, Christian friends, and some great mentors none of my dreams would have become a reality.

When I was considering going on my first overseas mission trip with CIY I was scared and uncertain. At first, I wasn't even going to go because I was too nervous. However, I met a nice old man at church that just wouldn't let it go! Every Sunday, Jim would ask me have you sent in your application for the mission trip and every week I would make up an excuse as to why I haven't finished it. Then finally one week I was like, "Okay God this man won't stop bugging me about this application so I am going to send it in, but if this is really what you want me to do than you are going to have to make it happen". Needless to say it wasn't a year later and I was on my way to Italy for the summer to work with some Team Expansion missionaries.

God has been so good to me. Even though I mess up a lot and get confused God is always with me guiding my way. I knew when I was younger that I wanted to help people for a living but I never thought I would be in ministry until I met God at my church's youth group. God met me there one Wednesday night and showed me that there was so much more to life than what is seen with the naked eye.

Since then my life has been one amazing roller-coaster ride. I love my life and the journey that God has me on.

Correction: The old man that I mentioned above is not really that old. :-D Jim and his wife Shelley are amazing people, whom I love dearly.

A Word from the Wise

 From the greatest of all gifts, salvation in Christ, to the material blessings of any ordinary day (hot water, a pair of legs that work, a cup of coffee, a job to do and strength to do it), every good gift comes down from the Father of Lights.  Every one of them is to be received gladly and, like gifts people give us, with thanks.  Sometimes we want things we were not meant to have.  Because He loves us, the Father says no.  Faith trusts that no.  Faith is willing not to have what God is not willing to give.  Furthermore, faith does not insist upon an explanation.  It is enough to know His promise to give what is good- He knows so much more about that than we do.

Elizabeth Elliot

Breaking out of Our Cages by Cheri Saccone (9/21/2010, Relevant Magazine)

Life has a way of moving us into what is famously known as a rut. We get stuck in a monotonous hamster wheel that is always moving, yet never going forward.

Most of us would say we want the kind of life that is filled with passion, novelty, faith, vibrancy, anticipation and depth. Does that describe your life? I wish it described mine. The truth is that these characteristics describe an undomesticated existence, one that requires constant risk and an ability to survive in the wild.

The wild is where God is walking.

The front yard is where most of us are staying.

One of the annoying things about living in the wild is that we have no idea what is going to happen next. The word “annoying” doesn’t really describe the feeling … it’s more like exhausting. Sure it’s exciting at first. But after a while it gets really hard trying to plan a life where plans are not part of the plan. The problem is that humanity has a deep need to create some sense of stability in this chaotic universe we have been thrown in to, yet at the same time we have an even deeper need to surrender control to the God who threw us here.

We are at war within ourselves between control and surrender, captivity and the wild.

Our souls long to run free while our skin wants to retain order.

Blending the two desires seems counterproductive. But this is what we end up doing most of the time. And sooner or later one of these desires will refuse to blend into the other and will take its rightful place as king in our hearts. Security and surrender war inside of us and more often security wins.

It looks different for different people. For some security is the status of wealth or career success. For others it is the comfort that comes from a predictable relationship, even if it is a toxic one. For some of us it is the affirmation from that person we’ve always been needing validation from, like a parent or spouse or boss. For others it is the 3-bedroom house with the white picket fence and the perfect dog that never rejects us and always makes us feel less alone. If it’s security in this world we are looking for, we will never find it fully, but we can come awfully close. And it is in that closeness that we lose sight of the freedom that comes with surrender.

Security seems almost within our reach, and we feel most stable when we can literally go through our days without thinking, completely on autopilot. Yes, that’s when we’ve hit the jackpot of feeling like we are in control. And yes, that’s exactly the point in which we begin to feel the true misery that comes along with this leash of our own making. We literally sew the leash thread by thread with each methodical decision we make in order to maintain order. It feels so good while we are knitting it together that we don’t even see it coming—the absolute domestication of our inner beings.

We were born for the jungle.

We live to build our own cages.

Something has gone terribly wrong when our leashes become our comfort rather than our horror.

Think back to the last time you took an actual risk; when you took a step into the unknown on purpose, when you didn’t know what would happen next and you felt the blood rush through your body because you felt the urgency of your existence, when you actually realized that you need God to survive, when you prayed for faith because that’s all you had. That was the last time you felt alive. So keep living and snip the beautifully tight leash you’ve spent so much time creating. Then you will breathe the breath of freedom … the freedom that only lives in the wild.

 ( http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/blog/22921-breaking-out-of-our-cages )

The One Thing

In life there are many things that I question and that I don't understand. I have never confessed to know everything in the world. I also know there are many things that I can't guarantee in life but there are a few things that I can guarantee: I can guarantee that I will make mistakes, I can guarantee that I will always be fascinated by nature and God's creatures, and I can guarantee that God will never change. No matter what happens I know that He loves me. I love this song by Paul Coleman something about it just speaks to my soul so take some time and listen to it and let the words sink into your life and believe that Creator of the universe really loves you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He always tells the truth and He always has your best interest at heart. He really loves you.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

A Strange Coincidence....Time for some Isolation

So shortly after I wrote the blog about choosing happiness my happiness has been put to the test. For the past couple days, I have been in a strange mood. I have been struggling to stay happy. Do you know what this means? It is time for some isolation.

Like I have said before, I have been very busy this past month and I have been constantly around people 24/7.  Being that I am not completely an extrovert it has been difficult for me to be around people this much, but yet I know have to do it so I rely on the Lord for patience and strength.

Isolation is an important part of my life and it helps me to stay not only sane but also connected to the Lord. Isolation helps me to keep my priorities straight and gives me the peace of mind that I need to get through life (which I believe comes from Lord). During my isolation time, I love to read, reflect, and pray. Praying out loud is one of my favorite things because it is like I am just having a conversation with God. I just speak to Him as if He is right next to me and I don't hold anything back (this has to be done in isolation otherwise people think you are crazy, haha). I share with Him all of my frustrations from my day, my joys, and my sorrows. I share with Him all of my hopes and dreams even though I already know that He knows them I still like to talk about them with Him.

 I believe that a time of devotion or isolation is good for the heart. There are many times in the Bible when Jesus would go off alone to pray. God uses those moments to have intimate conversations with His people, take for example Moses, Mary, Joseph, and the disciples.

There is an issue with my blog

I have reported to blogger that there are links being put into my blogs without permission so for now please do not click on any words that appear to be connected to a link, thanks.

I Choose HAPPINESS...

Think about all of the choices that we are faced with every day.....we can choose what to wear, we can choose whether or not to go into work, we can choose to argue with someone, we can choose to... the list can go on and on! Each morning when you get out of bed there are a million choices that are waiting for you. We have been blessed with the freedom to make our own choices in life.

One choice that we can make is the choice to be happy. God has also given us the opportunity to choose to be happy! No one can make that choice for you. How far are you willing to go to be happy? Are you willing to forgive the person who just cut you off on the highway? Are you willing to forgive that rude person at work? Or how about that one person who has hurt you the most in your life? So the question is how far are you willing to go to be happy? What will you choose?

I choose happiness! I know that my life is not defined by mistakes or by those around me.


 No one in the world can choose for you to be happy, you have to go after it with all your heart. In life we all make our own choices.

Updates....

I am staying in Wisconsin at least until December of this year and then hopefully in October I will find out if I am staying until March.  I am learning so much through this ministry at RiverGlen and all of the things that I expected to learn I have learned, but one thing that I did not expect to learn more about is about how to manage a ministry and how to work/manage people. I am learning a ton about management! Which is great because in most things I am a natural leader but I am hesitate when it comes to managing people because usually I tend to be too soft or too strong so I am finding a lot of balances right now on how to manage a ministry and it's volunteers. I am also learning a lot from those around me who have been in ministry longer. There is a lot of wisdom to be found in the people that surround me every day.

I have also been constantly making a lot of new friends which has been great! I am really starting to feel at home here and I love it! I have also been keeping very busy. Recently, I have loved having some alone time to just go for a walk, relax, and do some reflecting.

Costa Rica....

I am still making preparations for Costa Rica. Language school has been my focus this year and all of the preparations are starting to fall into place. I am currently focused on raising the funds needed to go to language school (I also have just received a part-time job along with my internship, which allows me to continue to save more money for school). I am planning right now to go to language for 6 months, but if the funds become available I would love to stay an additional 3 months in order to complete all of the programs that The Spanish Language Institute has to offer.

 I was originally not going to be sending out support letters but the more I pray about it and the more I talk to people about it, I found out I would be stupid not to. It is not up to me to decide whether or not people should give to my ministry work, it is between them and their relationship with God so if God puts it on their heart to give then I am going to allow them the opportunity to support me and my ministry work. I was going to try to raise all of the money myself but really I need to put my trust in God that the money will come. I am going to work hard but I am also going to allow others to work along side me to help build my future ministry.  

As far as the application process goes I am at a stand still until December because of  my flight schedule. The application for the school requires me to write down my flight times and I have not yet been able to lock in my flight dates, because most airlines do not allow you to schedule flights that are more than a year away.  I have to wait to book a round trip flight from the USA to Costa Rica until December. This is also because the Costa Rican government will not allow someone to stay longer in the country longer than 4 months without a ticket that proves that you plan on eventually leaving the country.  Once I get there I can push back my departure flight if needed. 

P.S. To learn more about the language school I will be attending click on my name at the bottom right hand corner.

Everything is going to be all right

I am the kind of person that tends to worry and forget things a lot that is why I always have to be reminded that everything is going to be all right. God is always with us. This is something that is echoed in my favorite song "Every Season" by Nicole Nordeman and this is also what I taught this morning in Sunday School to 3 year olds. God is always with us and He was with Moses when he went to talk to the Pharoah about letting his people go.

Every now and then we all have to be reminded of basic truths, even if it is from the mouths of 3 year olds. No matter how old you are in life, you are never too old to learn.  We are all life-long learners.

Costa Rica Update

Right now, I am trying to find a part-time job in order to raise the money to go to language school (so if you would please pray that I would find a job, I would greatly appreciate it!).  In order to go to Costa Rica, I need to have at least $6,000 (minimum), this cost will cover all of my schooling for 6 months and my housing plus food.

I have not finished filling out my application because I am waiting to secure my flight schedule so that I can put that information on my application within the next 2 months. The application is not due to march but I would like to turn it in as soon as possible. Please continue to pray for God's guidance as I continue to prepare for language school.

P.S. To learn more about the language school I will be attending click on my name at the bottom right hand corner.

Every Season - Nichole Nordeman

This is by far one of my favorite songs! Just listen to the words and let them sink in, and remember that God is with us always no matter what season we are in.

Every Season

Every evening sky, an invitation

To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer


And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn


And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter


And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Sharing

Right now at work, I have been slowly working on editing two books that are part of a series for kids on becoming a Christian. The last book in the series I have to say is my favorite. In this book, the children are learning how to share their faith with others. Sadly enough, sharing our faith is something that often gets left on the back burner by many church goers.

Sharing our faith is a crucial part in growing in our faith, and by sharing our faith we are allowing others to begin or to continue growing in theirs. The picture that I have attached to this post is from our KidVenture Acts of Kindness (A.O.K) mission trip. For one week, some of the children in our KidVenture children's ministry decided to dedicate their time to helping and serving others in their community. By serving and helping others, the children were able to share their faith with others. Sharing your faith does not always mean using your words, haven't you ever heard that actions speak louder than words? Well, the same is true when it comes to your faith.

Don't just talk about your faith, go out and act on your faith. Many people crave authenticity, they crave something real. In a world, where lies are common and promises are broken, actions matter. It is through your actions that people can see who you really are and what your priorities in life are. Being authentic means that you are honest and trustworthy. Be authentic, be honest, be trustworthy in your faith and share it with others. Be a light in a broken world.

I hardly ever read the news anymore because I just find it so depressing and heartbreaking, but today I decided to catch-up and see what is going on in the world. My heart was broken when I read about all the violence, corruption, greed, and hatred that is in the world and that is even in my own "backyard".  Despite all of the negativity, I try to continue to be an optimist in believing that the world can really change.  These children in this picture above are apart of that change. I am a part of that change and you can be a part of that change as well. We need to step up and step out in faith. 

"Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary use words" - St. Francis of Assisi

Peace

One thing that I find interesting is that I can't believe how hard it is for some people to be nice or respectful to someone else. This past week I was the host in one of our elementary classrooms at church and we talked about peace.  To help children understand peace, we say that peace is proving that you care more about others than winning an argument.  How true is that? If we fully understood that as adults and tried to live in peace with one another our world would be very different. 

When I see the children in the classrooms most of the time I think, "Man, if only the could just get it (the lesson) and know about God's love (Jesus) their lives would changed forever! They wouldn't have to make all the stupid mistakes that everyone else has made growing-up. They could live a great life starting now."  These children can learn to live at peace with one another starting now, this is a task that the majority of adults are not able to do. It amazes me sometimes how often we, as humans, are unkind and are disrespectful to one another.

What if we all tried to live in peace with one another by not let any arguments or misunderstandings end on a bad note? What would the world be like if we worked through our issues instead of around them? What if we would never let the sun go down on our anger?

I am Blessed...

My life has not always been easy but it has also never been very hard, sometimes I just make it hard. Last night, I spent some time reflecting on the Lord and His faithfulness and I have found that the Lord has continuely blessed my efforts to follow Him (I often need to be reminded of this). It is in the little things in life that I realize that I am blessed. I can see my blessings in my family, friends, and all around me. I see His blessings in the sunrise and the sunset. A friend of mine once said that it is like each day the Lord is continuing to paint a beautiful painting just for us.

Each year has been a journey for me and each year I am learning new things. Even in the hardships and trials I can see the Lord. There have been times that I have wanted to give up and just throw in the towel but each time the Lord is there with me saying, "You can do this. I am not leaving you. Just do your best." It is when I strive to do my best that I can see the Lord blessing my efforts.

Last night, I was still looking over things for Costa Rica and I thought for a moment. "What in the world am I doing? I can't do this." Then it was like the Lord said, "You're right you can't, but we can. You just might have to work a bit harder." I know that with some extra work I will go to Costa Rica! Once I set my mind on something there is nothing that can stop me from doing what I feel I should do or what I feel I need to do. I know the Lord is helping me because even though I am stressed about making plans for Costa Rica I still feel completely at peace about everything. Everything is going to be okay the Lord is with me and He is my strength.

Costa Rica

I woke up this morning happy and well rested, thank you Lord! I have trouble sleeping most nights, mostly because of anxiety, but last night I was able to get some rest and I know it was because of the Lord. I felt such a peace as I was falling asleep by reciting bible verses and worship songs, oh it was wonderful!

As I stated in my last blog post, I am now filling out the application to go to language school in Costa Rica in May. The process that has allowed me to get to this point has been long and hard, but I am so thankful to now be on my way with confidence that this what I am suppose to be doing. I first heard about language school when I was on my internship in Spain last summer. While on my internship in Spain, I struggled so much with learning Spanish that I was brought to tears. One of my goals in life has been to learn another langauge specifically Spanish because of my Mexican heritage and because of my heart for the Hispanic people. As I have grown older, my heart for Hispanics has not changed and I desire with all my heart to work in a ministry specifically focused on this people group.

Since learning about language school in Spain, I have asked very many questions to any missionary who is willing to help me. I have talked to many people who have gone to language school and every single person has had nothing but great things to say about The Spanish Language Institute in Costa Rica. I have been told that through this school I will learn how to speak and understand Spanish. In order for me to be effective in my future ministry with the Hispanic people, I must first learn the language.

I have had people ask me, "Why don't you just try Rosetta Stone or take a class in the states?" Well, I have tried to learn Spanish in the states and nothing has been able to help me. When I was in elementary school I took Spanish classes for a couple summers and then when I was in high school I took Spanish class for 3 years and even joined Spanish Club. However, despite some of my best efforts I have not been able to learn Spanish...yes my Spanish has improved slowly but not very well. I still would consider myself to be a beginner when it comes to the Spanish language. The things that have helped me learn Spanish the most has been my trips to Mexico and to Spain. I have learned more Spanish in those couple weeks than I did in any of my classes and that was because I lived among the people and I was surrounded by Spanish speakers. The only way for me to learn to speak Spanish is to be completely emersed in the language and I know that the school in Costa Rica is going to be one of the best descisions I have ever made. At the Spanish Language Institute, I will be able to not only learn Spanish and about Costa Rica, I will also be able to interact with different missionaries. I know language school is not for everyone but I definately feel that  in my heart without a doubt that this is right for me.

Currently, I am getting ready to mail-out my application very soon! I am also now preparing myself to leave by getting all of my documentation together and by creating a long to-do list, which I know as May comes closer will only increase. Thank you for all of your prayers and support throughout the years! I am so excited about this next transition in my life! All of you have helped bring me to where I am today, thank you so much! God is good!

Filling Out the Application

Just wanted to let you all know that I am filling out the application to go to Costa Rica today. The deadline isn't until March 1st but I want to get an early start to continue to motivate me to prepare for departure. I am really excited about this next step in my life. I spent last night learning about Costa Rica, watching House Hunters which featured a family buying a home in Costa Rica, and I crunched some numbers to see what I have to do to be able to afford to go to Costa Rica. Although, the finances may be hurting a little right now I know the Lord will provide. Thank you for joining me on this next phase in my life!

New Look

I just updated my blog with a new look! I felt like it was time for a change so I hope that all of you like it. There is one change that I want you to be aware of, now in order to make a comment on a blog you must click on the specific blog entry or title to see the comment box. However, I have also added a new fun way for you to share my blog with others you can now use the icons under each post to share my entries via Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, blogging, or Google.

I have also added another new addition to my site...if you scroll all the way down on the right hand side you will see my name if you click on my name the link will take you directly to the Spanish Language Institute in Costa Rica, where I plan on doing my language training in May.

The World Keeps On Spinning

Do you ever have those moments that you wish you could freeze in time or at least in your long-term memory bank? I know I do. Like for example, my first time going out of the country. Looking back, I now wonder what it felt like to enter Mexico or what I smelled as soon as I crossed the border. I wonder how silly I must have looked when trying to speak Spanish and interact with the children.  It is during those precious moments that I try so hard to soak in everything so that later on I can remember exactly how I felt and how things were.  However, no matter what I do I always seem to forget something.  One way that helps me remember all of my feelings and experiences is journaling.  I love to journal, but I often find myself struggling to write on paper because I am not sure what to say or what to keep out or add, and then before you know it I have either wrote too much or later on I remember things I should have added.  There are many things that I have not added to this blog and to my previous journals but bear with me as I continue to try to share my precious moments and thoughts with you.

This past week has been a whirlwind of events. My grandfather Leon passed away, which has been very hard. I don't quite remember crying so much in one week as I have this past week. However, I have loved spending time with my family and bonding with some relatives that I don't get to see nearly as much as I would like too. This has been one of my biggest fears in being away from home, I have feared that the ones I love will pass away and I won't be able to be there to mourn or help comfort my family. It still bothers me that I may not always be able to come home when I lose a loved one, but now I see that although it is very difficult and very hard.... life must go on. I kept hearing over and over again this past week, "Death is just apart of life".

Even though, you may want to slap the person who tells you that while you are mourning you have to admit that it is true. Death will come to us all, it is just apart of life, but with the Lord's strength and guidance life will go on and the world will keep on spinning even when it feels like there is no hope. One thing I know for certain is that we can always find our hope in the Lord.

I can be described as a tumbleweed

A tumbleweed is the above-ground part of a plant that, once mature and dry, disengages from the root and tumbles away in the wind. Usually, the tumbleweed is the entire plant apart from the roots, but in a few species it is a flower cluster.^[1] The tumbleweed habit is most common in steppe and desert plants. The tumbleweed is a diaspore, aiding in dispersal of propagules (seeds or spores). It does this by scattering the propagules either as it tumbles, or after it has come to rest in a wet location.^[2] In the latter case, the tumbleweed opens mechanically as it absorbs water; apart from its propagules, the tumbleweed is dead. (Wikipedia, yes I do believe it is a reliable source).  


Much like the tumbleweed, once I was mature enough I broke apart from everything I knew. I went out into the world and started exploring this beautiful creation. Tumbling about from place to place, I learned new things.  I met new people and scattered a few seeds along the way. 


As, I grow older this tumbling process continues as I continue to go where I feel my heart and God are leading me.  I have been blessed to have been where I have been and I am blessed to be at the place where I am now.  I try with every ounce of my being to not take these moments for granted because I know that my time here is not long.  I know that my life on earth is fleeting.


"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8

I can be happy just about anywhere....

I have been very happy these past few weeks. I am loving my work at church and I am learning a lot about how to organize and plan events, as well as managing volunteers and keeping volunteers. Also, I have been able to spend a lot more time with the children.  This past week at the church the kids had their A.O.K. (Acts of Kindness) Week, where the children served all week both at the church and in the community. Seeing the children serve and help others really touched my heart: they donated food, raised food for the food pantry, served food, helped clean the church and a local golf course, and they also had the opportunity to help some recent tornado victims. It was amazing to see the children serving and to see how God is working in their lives.

I jumped out of bed....

I wrote this last Tuesday but forgot to publish it so here it is......This morning I woke up full of energy and ready to go.  I looked at my clock at 6:15am and thought why can't it be 7:15 already so for the next hour I rolled around in bed until finally it was 7:14am, that was good enough for me!  I jumped up out of bed and got ready to go, I even managed to have some extra time this morning to write in this blog.

Most of you might be wondering okay you are happy, I get it.  However, I have been listening to a set of sermons that I have downloaded at work from a conference and this guy, Chris Lemke has been talking to me every morning about having a child-like faith.  Chris calls this something like having the okayness of a 3 year old.

A 3 year old does not analyze the little problems, which I often find myself doing and wasting time over.  A 3 year old does not ask very many questions about someone who they are meeting for the first time, so there is very little judgment that takes place in the mind of a 3 year old. I was walking the other day with my host mom and we passed a little boy wearing a diaper and a t-shirt standing inside his house looking out the door. My guess is that he is about 2 years old and while we walked past his house he looks at us outside and yells hi and waves. He doesn't care that he is in a diaper standing in doorway and yelling at complete strangers. He is just concerned about the people that are outside his house. I wonder what would happen in our churches if we had the okayness of a 3 year old?

Desks are not for me.....

      I love interacting with people and with children so I am having kind of a hard time sitting still at a desk.  Anyone that knows me from college knows that I can't sit in one spot for very long.  My friends and I have had many good conversations and fun times during our breaks from homework, which basically consisted of leaving the library and walking around campus for five minutes before returning to the libary.  Within a two hour period I could have had at least two walks/breaks in.

     However, I do love that my work at the church serves a specific purpose and is heading towards a specific goal in reaching out to the children and families in the Waukesha area.  Everything I do has purpose/meaning behind it so no task is just busy work, although at times I will admit it does feel like it is.  Right now, I am just adjusting to a new environment.  I wanted a new experience and I definately found one.  God has been amazing through and in this all.  Everyday I am continuing to learn new things about Him. 

   For instance, I often wonder you know where God is going to lead me and what His will is for my life, but the answer is that I already know.  Yes, I might not know the specifics but as long as I am loving Him, loving others, and servingeverything is going to be okay.  I don't have to keep wondering where God is going to lead me or what might happen next because if I lose my selfishness and find myself completely made alive in Him than I already know what His will is for my life. It is in the ordinary every day life that His Will can be seen. It doesn't matter where I am or who I am with as long as my relationship and heart is right with God. The only thing that we are given is today this moment, we are not promised tomorrow.

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." - James 4:13-14

I have been thinking a lot about the future and worrying about the future because nothing seems completely clear what is going to happen or where I will be.  However, I know the only thing that matters is the here and now. I am loving God, loving others, and serving with all of my heart.

What a Blessing!

  Okay so everyone goes through these dry spells of feeling like God is not close, even though we still always know that he present (omnipresent).  According to the book that I have been meditating on for a while, Experiencing God through Prayer by Madame Guyon, the author says that God sometimes uses those moments to allow our faith to be tested.  Those moments of feeling distant from God can allow us to really grow in our faith. I say all of that to help you understand that even though for the past couple of months I have felt distant from God, it is in that "distance" that I have never felt closer or more loved by God. This is not to say that God's love for me has changed but rather I am now beginning to understand what His love really means. I have been beginning to understand through the practice of prayer, repentance, and confession how much God really loves me and wants me to be happy. Even though, those moments of feeling God's presence right next to me comes and goes I know that God will never leave me or forsake me, I know He loves me! My faith is changing as I continue to use those times of "distance" to fully devote myself to Lord and strengthen my faith. 
  However, even though I have felt some "distance" at times....when I do again feel God's presence, it has been amazingly different! It is almost like saying hi to an old friend and feeling a sense of peace and happiness once you see that person again. God is always present but during those times when I do feel alone I use those moments to really take ownership of my faith and trust in God. It is like saying, "Even though God I don't feel your presence right now, I know you still love me. Thank you for trusting me enough to let me do this one on my own, my your Holy Spirit still guide me and lead me."  Your relationship with God has to be one of trust and honesty, you can't hide anything from God.
  Needless to say I have been blessed  a lot over the past few months and the blessings continue to come. It is great when you are able to look back at your life and see God's hand in everything.  Even now in Wisconsin, God is still continuing to bless me and use me in new ways that I never could have imagined. He has placed me with a wonderful family, I could not have asked for a more perfect family for me. He has also taken care of all my needs and still He continues to give me opportunities to reach out to others, what a blessing!
 

It's Been A While...

   I am leaving for Wisconsin tomorrow to work as a Children's Minister at a church called RiverGlen Christian Church. I am super excited and I can't wait to go to work on Monday! (I know I have never said that before)

   This past few months of transitioning in my life have been hard but amazing! I have been able to get to know some amazing new people at a small group in Bloomington and I have been able to become closer to a couple of great friends. I am beginning to see God in new ways. Two things that I learned this past few months is that no one is perfect except the Lord alone and that  you should should hate what is evil and cling to what is good.  I know that these lessons seem obvious but if you ponder these two thoughts for a while you can see how these lessons need to be applied to your daily life.

   We live in a society where we think we need to be a certain way or act a certain way to live a happy life, this is false. No one is perfect but God alone. True happiness cannot be found outside of God. I dare you to try to live a happy life without God, it can't be done. Millions of people have tried and failed...alcohol does not make people happy (ask an alcoholic), money does not make people happy (money comes and goes, just ask Adolf Merckle), and most of the time people do not even make other people happy (have you ever been in crowd of people and still felt alone?).  Never assume that everyone around you has it all together because we are all human. The pursuit of happiness requires sacrifice and work but it can be done (just ask me). 

   On this pursuit of happiness besides loving the Lord, you must also love your neighbors as yourself. This can be hard to do because this means that you have to love that annoying person next door or that co-worker who doesn't do anything right. This even means you have to love your family, and when you come from a broken or abusive home this is not an easy task and most often times can be the most difficult. It is easy to give grace to those outside of our families but sometimes it is our families that need your grace the most. True love means forgiving those who have hurt you and choosing to love them anyways just because, no strings attached. This means turning the other cheek.  Even if you know that your chances of getting hurt again are high you choose to love them anyways. Sounds easy, right? Think again. Remember no one is perfect, we all need forgiveness and grace.

   That was the first thing that I have learned, the second is this to hate what is evil and cling to what is good.  Evil should be hated because it is the opposite of good. I always thought I should never hate anything, I was wrong.

Spiritual Conflict

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. " 1 Peter 5:7-8a

This past year, I have grown a lot in the Lord and I have learned a lot about who I am as a person and who God is.  This is not to say that I have not made mistakes but rather I am now looking and seeing my mistakes through God's grace and my sinfulness.  Self-control is something that I personally struggle with and is something that I have worked hard at developing.  Every day, I make a conscious effort to make sure that my life is in line with God's word and Christ's example.  I love the imagery in 1 Corinthians that Paul uses of a race, and how he talks about everyone who participates in a game  under goes strict training.

"They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:25-27

There is a struggle that takes place when you try to follow God.  There are times when I feel like I have to beat my body to make it a slave not only to me but to God.  There are times when I don't want to go to church and when I don't feel like reading my Bible. There are times when I don't want to volunteer to help someone in need and there are times when I feel like being lazy.  However, it is during those times that I have to push those thoughts and my feelings aside and look at the bigger picture. It's not about me.

"Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering." 1 Peter 5:8b-9

Our minds is one of the biggest battle grounds that we will ever face in trying to resist the devil.  It is in our minds that he wants control but we have to resist him and be self-controlled and alert.  Satan does not try to destroy your life all at once, no he does it over time.  Like, "oh I am going to read my Bible tomorrow, not today". Then two weeks later you still have not picked it up or every time that you were about to something just came up, coincidence I don't think so.  I have found that the times when I am not in God's Word, is the also the times when Satan tries to attack me the hardest.  I then start to get really down and strangely enough things just keep going wrong, one right after the other.  It is at those really low moments, that I dive back into God's Word it is like a wake up call, "What in the world have you been doing, see what you have been missing out on".  Sometimes we need help from others to keep our minds oe the right track.  Reading the Word is so important, we need to stand firm in our faith and build our foundation in order to resist the devil.

Family

  I went home this past weekend and I started to think about how important family is to me.  For me, there is nothing like coming home and being greeted by the ones you loves.  I love going home and spending time with them.  I love everything about my dysfunctional but some how manageable and lovable family.  We are all far from perfect but no matter what either one of us does or how much trouble we get into, we always know that our family is there for us.   I know if something ever happened to anyone in my family there would be a long line of people there ready to help out and tackle any problem that needs to be solved.
  It just amazes me how God is able to put a family together.  Growing up, I never doubted my parents love for me.  My parents and I were talking the other day about how wonderful our family is and I was wondering how did God create such a great family so I started talking to my parents.  During our conversation my dad said, "Your mother and I gave both you and your brother our lives".  I started laughing and told them, "Who are you kidding? We are your lives," and then we all started laughing, because we all know it is true.  After our talk, I realized that the reason why this family is so great is because of the love that we share with God, one another, and others.
  Like an excellent parent, both of my parents have given up their lives for their children and there has never been a moment when I doubted my parents love for me.  I know that no matter what happens I always have them to lean on.  My dad is the greatest man I know and, besides my grandfather, the hardest worker I know.  My mother is one of the funniest and craziest people I know and my best friend.  My brother is just awesome, he knows what he wants, works hard, and is very smart.  We all are not perfect but we still love one another. 
  I remember when I first came to school at Lincoln Christian University and I was surprised that there were so many people who did not have a close relationship with their parents or family.  It just amazed me because I never thought there was anything "abnormal" about my family's relationship with one another, I just figured that most Christian families were as close as us.  However, I quickly learned that my family was different, we are close and we get along with one another, not all the time, but the majority of the time.  Then when we were talking as a family the other day, I realized how cool my parents really are and how even when I was in grade school, I had the coolest parents.  I had the best room parents in elementary school and even now my friends still continue to tell me how awesome my parents are. 
  According to world standards, my family has every reason to fall apart and be broken.  Not all of us are related by blood and my parents have two rebellious children.  However, we are able to stay strong in our relationships with one another because my parents encourage me and my brother to do better in life and they love us more than they love themselves.  While growing up, I had the parents who would tell me I would have to be home before all the other children and still even when I was a senior in high school I had the earliest curfew.  I can still remember my mother saying, "there is nothing good that happens after dark".   I can't count how many times my father would show up to a friend's house and embarrassingly take me home because I never called to let them know where I was or who I was with.  I just look back on those moments now and laugh, I thank God for giving me parents who love me enough to make sure I stay on the right path and who love me enough to "make me" go to church.  Without their parental guidance, I don't know where I would be.
   Building a strong family is not easy but even with all the hardships it is well worth it.  My brother and I still joke about our parents but both of us know that we would do anything for them any day and we both love them both dearly.  

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother"- which is the first commandment with a promise- "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:1-4

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." - Proverbs 22:6

GOD wants YOU to be HAPPY

  I can't imagine how parents feel when they watch their children go down the wrong path or choose a way of life that they know is going to cause them pain and suffering.  As a parent, I am guessing that you would do everything in your being to try to stop them or to help them find their way.  I wonder how much harder it is for God to watch His children continue to be disobedient and choose a lifestyle that causes them pain and suffering, and ultimately death.  God is continually reaching out to His children and trying to guide them and restore them, but even though God has given us all we will ever need, we continue to pull away from Him. 
  It hurts me to watch people make the wrong choices and settle for things in life that are less than what God has ultimately planned for their life.  I am not saying that I know what is best for someone's life but I know someone who does, God.  In reading His Word, I wonder why do we do all of the stupid things in life that we do?  Why would we settle for anything less than what God has planned for our lives?  Why do we settle for working at a job that makes us miserable?  Why do we choose to be in unhealthy relationships?  Why do we continue trying to convince ourselves that we can change people, when ultimately we believe that God is the only one who can transform someone's heart? 
  God never planned for you to be miserable or to hurt or to experience pain.  He never created you so that you would be left alone to fend for yourself. God loves you and wants you to be happy.  The only way that we can live a life fully alive is in Christ, by leaving our old sinful ways behind along with all of our sinful desires and thoughts.  God is always present and wants what is best for us.  This does not mean that God gives us what is best for us right away, sometimes we have to be willing to wait for it.  He always has our best interest at heart.  I encourage all of you to never settle for anything less than what God has planned for your life.  If you wonder about what God has planned for your life look at Scripture, pray, and seek out other believers to ask for help.  The answer may not always be clear but we can be sure that if we put our trust in God everything will work out for the better, even if at the time God gives you an answer you don't want to hear. Have faith!

Restless Heart

  For the past three weeks, I have not been myself. I have let my heart be burdened by the things in this world that I cannot change and by worry about the future. My heart is restless. I am constantly moving toward where I feel God pulling me and trying to leave behind the things of this world and not worry, for those of you who know me this is my biggest struggle.  I am called to leave behind the people (whom I love), the places I have lived, the places I have seen, and essentially my life.
  This sounds like crazy talk, right? Who would want to leave the things they love behind? However, over the years I have slowly but surely been able to give over pieces of my life to God and now I am coming up to the cliff where I have nothing else to give. All I have to do is jump off. This point, this edge is by far the most exciting and the most frightening. You know the feeling, you are on a roller-coaster up to this point you have just been inching your way up to the top and suddenly here it is. There is no turning back now....ahhh, there you go swirling around corners and turning upside down. Laughing and raising your hands most of the way through until you return safely back to your starting point.
  All that you have to do to enjoy this amazing ride is climb aboard and make it over that first high point and you are on your way.  But what goes through your mind at that high point? You have no idea what is on the other side, you have no idea how much farther you have to go to reach the top. However, what if you reached that high point, and the roller-coaster engineer stopped the ride and said. "Just wait here for a while and then we will start it back up again".  WHAT! Oh no, now you are really in for a treat. What do you do?  What's going through your mind now? Panic, anxiety, worry, etc.
   This is the season in my life where I am at, I am ready to jump, I am ready to go over that high point, but I am being called to wait. This is the weirdest scariest funniest feeling in the world,  and here I am. I am waiting for the Lord to guide me and to reveal His purposes for me in His timing, which when you are waiting let's be honest feels like a long time. Although, I trust in the Lord, I know that His plans for my life are more amazing than anything I could possibly imagine. I already know how the story ends thanks to His Word.

"It is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11 (The Message)

Conflict

I know it has been a while since I last wrote but to be honest I have just been thinking and reflecting a lot on conflict.  It is hard to love others especially when there is a personality conflict, but however hard it maybe you are still called to love one another.  I am not a person who likes to start a conflict and most of the time I try to avoid conflict at all cost or at least keep the peace to the best of my ability.  I am a peacekeeper and I don't like to make waves or disrupt order. 

Although, when you are in a position of leadership there comes time when you are going to make waves and conflict will arise. Being a peacekeeper is not an issue but avoiding conflict is.  You should not avoid conflict but rather embrace it and work through it, in a loving and gentle way to the best of your ability.  Jesus did not avoid conflict but rather talked about conflict and prepared his disciples to handle conflict.  Jesus knew that conflict would arise.  Take for example Paul and Barnabas in the book of Acts (ch. 15) they had a disagreement, they were in conflict with one another.  However, out of that conflict both of them parted ways and were able to spread the Gospel.  Do you not think that God can use conflict for His own purposes? 

In leadership, you can never make someone do something that they do not want to do but rather you can try to work with them to the best of your ability.   People do not want you to do what you would like to have done to you, but rather what they would like to have done to them.  Not everyone thinks the same and not everyone acts the same.  Working with people takes the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

"Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity if the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit.." Ephesians 4:2-4a

Prayer

Do you ever find praying hard? Or find yourself dozing off or day dreaming while praying? Does prayer ever seem like a distant tradition? These are some of the struggles and questions people face when praying. I have had people come to me and ask me questions on prayer, and often find myself wondering about my own prayer life. How often do I talk to God? How long do I sit in silence to listen to God?

Prayer has always been apart of my life. Over the years, I have used a variety of different prayer "techniques," but no one has ever taught me how to pray. I just prayed, but not very well. Growing up I prayed before I ate and then before I went to bed. After I became a Christian, I learned that you could pray for people so I started doing that and then I started asking people to pray for me. I learned that you could pray for healing, safe travels, and a variety of other things in life. Later on, I learned about the importance of giving thanks and praising God during prayer.  Shortly after, I learned about the importance of sitting in silence and just listening (coming from a generation/culture of non-stop movement this was difficult for me).

Now I find myself wondering about prayer again. I talk to God daily all the time while doing different things but I need to learn to just sit still and pray and listen to God. I go and go and go and then I go some more but when do I just sit in silence and pray? I have my devotion time but prayer does not take up the majority of the time.

You see, I am not talking about learning how to pray for 5 minutes, I am talking about learning how to pray in such a way that it changes your relationship with God and becomes apart of your daily life.  How much time it takes to pray and how you pray differs from person to person, but has anyone ever taught you how to pray?  Well, I want to learn how to pray by talking to those who are wiser and farther along in their faith. Prayer will always be something that people talk about and something that people do, whether or not they really acknowledge God. In times of trouble or crisis, you can find the most unbelieving people out of desperation and the lose of hope turn to prayer.

Jesus teaches on prayer in Luke 11 and teaches his disciples how to pray. Along with Scripture, there are also a number of authors that can teach you how to pray. After having talked with someone I respect, I received the following book list on prayer which I would like to share with those of you who would like to learn more about prayer and how to pray...

Prayer  by: Richard Foster
Experiencing God through Prayer  by: Madame Guyon
A Dairy of Private Prayer  by John Baillie
Praying God's Word  by: Beth Moore
Beginning to Pray  by: Anthony Bloom
With Christ in the School of Prayer  by: Andrew Murray

Suffering

Today, I received the following e-mail from a dear friend and with his permission I would like to share with you his thoughts on suffering. Jim wrote this e-mail after coming back from visiting his new granddaughter with his wife Shelley...

In spite of problems we had a very good weekend enjoying our new baby.  At one point I needed to go out to the store and I turned on a Christian radion station, quite by accident (no such thing in life!).  It was a well known speaker and in the course of my twenty minutes or so with him he made a lot of points but one stood out.  He said:  "ALL suffering is redemptive!"  As I have been ill now almost six years, suffering (the word) has acquired a new meaning for me, and I have attempted to discover what it means from a biblical point of view.  WHEN you are suffering academic answers do little to help us understand.  But that phrase as he used it ("ALL suffering is redemptive!") was very significant. 

 

For me, pain simply HURTS and I don't like it, much less do I dwell on the thought and REJOICE in the fact that I'm in that situation.  For me I just want to ESCAPE THE PAIN and the situation.  Some time back I was studying 1 Peter and the whole theme of the book is "suffering" and presents to us the Christ who is the prototype of suffering.  He showed us the way to suffer, and we know WHY He suffered and the book goes further and says that since the Christ suffered we also should expect it and IN our suffering realize DEEPLY WITHIN ourselves that ALL our suffering has redemptive value and just as WE are healed by the suffering of our Lord, so, in our redemptive suffering, God will somehow use OUR suffering to heal others just as He used the suffering of His Son to heal us.  In a sense, AS we suffer, it's as if we're crawling up on the cross alongside our Savior and suffering with Him.  Scripture definitely teaches that we are chosen to do and be many things, but ONE of the things we're chosen to is to suffer with our Savior.

 

IF we are hurting deeply, but we KNOW deep down within ourselves that SOMEHOW that suffering is, in some mysterious way, maybe softening the suffering of our Savior on the cross, would that suffering then have any more meaning to us?  I think so.

 

In some ways what I say is heresy, and I know it.  On the other hand this issue of suffering is so deep, so complex and so mysterious, but I KNOW the scripture teaches that we have the PRIVILEGE of sharing in Christ's suffering.  If we suffer not then we shall reign not with Him.

 

That's heavy thinking for a Monday morning.  Have a good week as we share our journey with the One Who led the way.

 

Love you all..

Jim

Well said Jim, thank you for allowing me to share these words of wisdom with others.

The Church?

One of my friends on Facebook asked this question, 

"Just wondering what people think about going to church? What are your likes and dislikess? What do you think of the people that you see there? What do you think about the people that you know that are Christians? Doesn't matter if your comment is good or bad just wanting to know how the world sees the Church!"

This question generated 33 responses, which were posted by people who varied in their beliefs. Based on the response of the people and my beliefs I posted this comment below....

Church, if you want to find something negative about the church, you will find it. If you want to find something positive about the church, you will find it. If you want to find mistakes, you will find them. The truth of the matter here in these discussions is God's people. Obviously, we have all fallen short otherwise church wouldn't be such an issue. Everyone has had their fair share of problems with the church but this is not because of God, it is because of people.

We all have sinned. People in the church are not perfect, if church only allowed in perfect people all of our church buildings would be closed and even the pastors themselves would not be allowed to enter. From what I have read above, the problem comes when people in the church try to make it something that is not suppose to be. It is not suppose to be a place where imperfect people pretend they are perfect for a day. It is not a place where you come to get told about what you should or shouldn't be doing with your life.

However, it is a place where you should come as you are in front of God with a community of believers, who whether or not you know it.... are struggling just as much as you are. It is a place of accountability. It also should be a place of love and understanding. This is not to say that we should accept all the things that people do because as we know all things are permissible but not everything is beneficial. 

If you put your faith and hope in people, you will be disappointed and let down every time. But, if you put your faith and hope in the Lord Jesus Christ, you will be accepted and forever blessed. The church is a place where imperfect people come to worship a perfect God. It is a place where we strive to know more about God through people who are more along in their faith than we are.

"Do you understand what you are reading?" "How can I unless someone explains it to me?" (Acts 8:30-31).

We, as Christians, know better than anyone that we have problems, but together we strive to understand not only ourselves but also one another, and ultimately God. So we join one another on their journey of knowing and growing in God. The problem comes when we focus more on the problems of the church and people, and less on God. Church is not about the type of music or the people, it is about you and your relationship with God. If you truly open yourselves up to God, you will find Him in the church, not in the building but in the community of believers. Church is more than just a few bricks built by men.

Roller coaster

   Roller coaster, that is the word I would use to describe this week as far as my emotions/attitude is concerned.  Do you ever feel like some weeks you have to push harder to be submissive? Meaning, do you ever feel like you have to push harder to bring your attitude under control in order to be completely open to God?  I wanted to have a bad attitude for most of this week, because I felt overwhelmed, but I had to really pour out my heart to God and dig into the Word in order to have an attitude of submission.
  One of my favorite quotes comes from Mother Teresa, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."
   I needed daily reminders this week that everything is going to be okay.  I needed to be reminded of God's faithfulness.  I know that everything is going to be okay and I know that God is faithful, but sometimes I just need to stop and meditate on what that means.  I needed to be reminded of God's faithfulness in light of the diseases, abuse, pain, and suffering in this world.
  My eyes have been open this week to the hurting people who surround me on a daily basis and it just breaks my heart that so many people can go through their whole day hurting and never really tell anyone what is going on their lives.  They are trying  so hard to just contain inside all their hurt, anger, and pain in order to just get through the day and move on to tomorrow.  On top of that, you have some people who are better at hiding their suffering than others, so you can never really tell around you who is hurting unless you really get to know them and build a relationship of trust.
 When I look at the people who are around me that are truly crying out on the inside for help, it breaks my heart.  I am at a lost for words. Going back to Mother Teresa's quote, I know that God has put these people into my life for a reason but I wish he didn't trust me so much.

What do you do when you feel like any day you might get a phone call that one of your friends has committed suicide?

What do you do when find out that your co-worker is cutting themselves because they have felt unloved for most of their life?

What do you do when you find out that one of your relatives or friends has a terminal illness?

What do you do when you find out that your friend is getting a divorce?

What do you do when you find out that your friend feels completely alone in life most of the time?

Let's just face it, life sometimes sucks but thank God that there is more than just this life.  All of the pain and suffering that takes place here won't take place in heaven.  My answer to all of the questions above is to pray and love those around you just as God has loved you.  This does not mean love someone from a distance for God does not love you from a distance, He is always present.  If you really follow those two things and if you really do that, not only will the lives around you be changed but you will be changed as well.  I am talking about a complete transformation.

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails," (1 Corinthians 13:3-8a).