I am a 23 year old single female missionary trying to live out my daily life for God. My thoughts, struggles, and beliefs are subject to change as my life progresses and as I come to know the Lord more, through His Word and the help of older mature Christians. I say this because what I am about to share is personal, but I believe it is necessary that I share this with you all.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16
Confession is apart of my daily life. I confess daily my sins to God, but I also confess my sins to others so that I may be held accountable for them. My walk with the Lord is serious to me and when I say that I seek the Lord I mean it. I seek Him with every ounce of my being and I pour my heart and soul out to Him, I want nothing hindering our relationship.
So here are my struggles (these are the things the Lord has revealed to me that I have struggled with all my life):
- I struggle with trusting others.
- I struggle with accepting love from others. I often wonder, why do they love me?
- I struggle with sharing my feelings with others. I often hid my feelings because I think my thoughts and ideas don't matter to others.
- I struggle with accepting my identity in the Lord and accepting His love for me.
- I struggle with forgiving myself for my own sins more than I do with forgiving those who have wronged me.
- I struggle with trusting God in certain areas of my life.
- I struggle with loneliness.
Those are my struggles and if you could pray for me in each of those areas I would appreciate it.
Since, I have been in Costa Rica the Lord and I have beening talking a lot. He alone has been my stronghold and my Rock. When you are left with no where else to go, it can be easy to run to the Lord, but what you might find there is not always what you want to hear or see. God has been peeling back the layers of my doubts and struggles in order that I may serve Him completely. When we, as Christians, talk about surrendering everything over to God that means everything, even all your insecurities and failures. God already sees you for who you are, but God wants you to see yourself as the person He has made you to be, good and set apart to do good works. God is teaching me about who He has made me to be and each day I am starting to see more of that person. When I go out every morning, I want people to see less of me and more of God, but in order to do that I need to give every part of my life over to God. I need to trust in Him and His love for me.
God and I have spent many hours dissecting each of my struggles and filling them with His truth. God is faithful and the joy that I am feeling now is indescribable. It is not easy giving everything over to the Lord, because that requires letting go of control. However, when you do the peace and the rest that you find is amazing. God's grace is truly amazing.
"To the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding." Ephesians 1:6-8
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-9
