For the past three weeks, I have not been myself. I have let my heart be burdened by the things in this world that I cannot change and by worry about the future. My heart is restless. I am constantly moving toward where I feel God pulling me and trying to leave behind the things of this world and not worry, for those of you who know me this is my biggest struggle. I am called to leave behind the people (whom I love), the places I have lived, the places I have seen, and essentially my life.
This sounds like crazy talk, right? Who would want to leave the things they love behind? However, over the years I have slowly but surely been able to give over pieces of my life to God and now I am coming up to the cliff where I have nothing else to give. All I have to do is jump off. This point, this edge is by far the most exciting and the most frightening. You know the feeling, you are on a roller-coaster up to this point you have just been inching your way up to the top and suddenly here it is. There is no turning back now....ahhh, there you go swirling around corners and turning upside down. Laughing and raising your hands most of the way through until you return safely back to your starting point.
All that you have to do to enjoy this amazing ride is climb aboard and make it over that first high point and you are on your way. But what goes through your mind at that high point? You have no idea what is on the other side, you have no idea how much farther you have to go to reach the top. However, what if you reached that high point, and the roller-coaster engineer stopped the ride and said. "Just wait here for a while and then we will start it back up again". WHAT! Oh no, now you are really in for a treat. What do you do? What's going through your mind now? Panic, anxiety, worry, etc.
This is the season in my life where I am at, I am ready to jump, I am ready to go over that high point, but I am being called to wait. This is the weirdest scariest funniest feeling in the world, and here I am. I am waiting for the Lord to guide me and to reveal His purposes for me in His timing, which when you are waiting let's be honest feels like a long time. Although, I trust in the Lord, I know that His plans for my life are more amazing than anything I could possibly imagine. I already know how the story ends thanks to His Word.
"It is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11 (The Message)
