Okay so everyone goes through these dry spells of feeling like God is not close, even though we still always know that he present (omnipresent). According to the book that I have been meditating on for a while, Experiencing God through Prayer by Madame Guyon, the author says that God sometimes uses those moments to allow our faith to be tested. Those moments of feeling distant from God can allow us to really grow in our faith. I say all of that to help you understand that even though for the past couple of months I have felt distant from God, it is in that "distance" that I have never felt closer or more loved by God. This is not to say that God's love for me has changed but rather I am now beginning to understand what His love really means. I have been beginning to understand through the practice of prayer, repentance, and confession how much God really loves me and wants me to be happy. Even though, those moments of feeling God's presence right next to me comes and goes I know that God will never leave me or forsake me, I know He loves me! My faith is changing as I continue to use those times of "distance" to fully devote myself to Lord and strengthen my faith.
However, even though I have felt some "distance" at times....when I do again feel God's presence, it has been amazingly different! It is almost like saying hi to an old friend and feeling a sense of peace and happiness once you see that person again. God is always present but during those times when I do feel alone I use those moments to really take ownership of my faith and trust in God. It is like saying, "Even though God I don't feel your presence right now, I know you still love me. Thank you for trusting me enough to let me do this one on my own, my your Holy Spirit still guide me and lead me." Your relationship with God has to be one of trust and honesty, you can't hide anything from God.
Needless to say I have been blessed a lot over the past few months and the blessings continue to come. It is great when you are able to look back at your life and see God's hand in everything. Even now in Wisconsin, God is still continuing to bless me and use me in new ways that I never could have imagined. He has placed me with a wonderful family, I could not have asked for a more perfect family for me. He has also taken care of all my needs and still He continues to give me opportunities to reach out to others, what a blessing!
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