Delayed-Response

I have written before in a past blog about my delayed-response when it comes to good byes, well here it is. I have noticed the past 3 nights as I have laid in bed crying that it was not only because I was exhausted, but I realized last night that I am going through a time of transitioning and change. The day that Kelly left and that my dad arrived was crazy and then I had the whole week with my dad which also flew by. Then I was preparing for the students to come and then I have been staying busy ever since. Even though, I enjoy being busy most of the time the other day I noticed I needed some solitude because I was beginning to lose my mind. A friend actually brought it to my attention when we were talking and she said, "are you okay? I feel like your mind is somewhere else"? Well she was right, my mind was somewhere else and I feel like it has been somewhere else ever since that day Kelly left and my dad arrived.

During the day, I have not been present in many of the things going on around me. My mind has usually been somewhere else, which was something that was starting to bother me which added to my frustration. I didn't know where my mind was going I was focusing on every thing that I thought I had to do or needed to do, instead of just being in the moment with people and with God. Then at night, when I would come home I would not only be exhausted but I would just start crying. Obviously, there was something going on.

Last night, it came to me that I had not been dealing with the change that is taking place around me. I had not cried about my dad leaving or about Kelly leaving or about all the things that are changing at home so as I laid in bed I just cried about everything. I don't like crying. I think that is one of the reasons that my emotions have been delayed until now, and I am also task-oriented so if you keep me busy I will ignore myself and my emotions.

I think I struggle with adjusting to big life changes and now there are many that are taking place so I am learning to adjust in my own way, but first I needed to cry about it. I have to accept the things I can not change and have no control over. God is in control over everything and He has our best interests at heart. He knows what is going on before we do. He knew that I needed this time of losing my mind to let go and just admit my emotions and cry. He knows that admitting my emotions is still not as easy as I would like it to be, and that I hide many of my emotions, because I think of them as weak. But I am weak and I don't have to worry about that, because God is strong.

A new song

                                                          No Fight Left by: JJ Heller

This song seemed appropriate for right now. I will blog later on tonight about what I learned last night while I laid in bed and then this morning how God reaffirmed that what I had learned or noticed was indeed true.