This morning I went to bed at 1:00am and woke up at 6:45am. Yesterday, I got to skype with my best friend Emily and early this morning I got to skype with my good friend John, who currently lives in Kenya. Even though, I didn't get a lot of sleep talking with them and seeing their faces was completely worth it. I love my friends.
I know I said I would write before 5pm, but today was very busy. However, even though I was busy all day today was a wonderful day. I was able to get a lot of things done that I have been putting off and I was able to cook, which I really enjoyed doing. When cooking, I love watching how all the ingredients come together. My least favorite part of cooking a meal is when I get to watch someone take their first bite. I don't like the anticipation of waiting to see if they like their food or not, but I love seeing someone's face when they really do enjoy their food.
Today, I made way too much chicken fettucini alfredo with mixed vegetables for a family at school so when my host brother, Oscar, came home from work I offered him some. I personally don't care for fettucini alfredo so I was nervous to see how he would react. After his first bite, he said he liked it a lot. Then I walked out of the room to put some towels away and I heard my host mom (who doesn't eat pasta) ask again if he liked it (to see if he really did), and he did. When I came back in, he said I should open my own restaurant in Costa Rica, that made me smile.
Thank you Lord for another wonderful day.
August 31, 2011
August 30, 2011
Classes have begun!
Today was my first day back at school and I loved it! My new teachers are very nice and I know that I am going to really enjoy being in class with them, along with my wonderful classmates. Sarah, Mark, and I are all in the same class again this tri, which really makes me happy because I love laughing with them. We also have two additional students in each of our classes which is going to be good and add more diversity to the group.
I think I may be more excited about this tri-mester than I was my first tri-mester. I didn't know that could be possible because I was super excited about my first tri, but there is just something different about this tri-mester. I was nervous during my break from school because I thought I would be overwhelmed this tri, but now I am starting to get organized and delegating some activities and saying no to the things that I feel will make me feel overwhelmed.
Looking back on the past few weeks, I can see that God has been answering my unspoken prayers. A lot of things have come together that I didn't think would. Help has come even when I didn't ask for it out loud. I love how God places people and things in our lives at just the right moments. Thank you Lord. In the park, God didn't show me what I wanted to see or give me the answers I wanted to hear, but He was there with me just like He always is. He spoke the words that I needed to hear, "just be". I didn't understand those words at first, but now I am starting to. Those words to me are like those described in Proverbs 16:24, "...a honeycomb. Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones". Only my Lord could speak to me on such an intimate level with only two words, oh how I love Him. I am not going to describe what those words mean to me or how God is using them in my life for now, because those words are so wonderfully intimate that at this time I can't even articulate their meaning in such a way that could show you how much those words have touched my heart. The only thing I can do right now is praise God.
I think I may be more excited about this tri-mester than I was my first tri-mester. I didn't know that could be possible because I was super excited about my first tri, but there is just something different about this tri-mester. I was nervous during my break from school because I thought I would be overwhelmed this tri, but now I am starting to get organized and delegating some activities and saying no to the things that I feel will make me feel overwhelmed.
Looking back on the past few weeks, I can see that God has been answering my unspoken prayers. A lot of things have come together that I didn't think would. Help has come even when I didn't ask for it out loud. I love how God places people and things in our lives at just the right moments. Thank you Lord. In the park, God didn't show me what I wanted to see or give me the answers I wanted to hear, but He was there with me just like He always is. He spoke the words that I needed to hear, "just be". I didn't understand those words at first, but now I am starting to. Those words to me are like those described in Proverbs 16:24, "...a honeycomb. Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones". Only my Lord could speak to me on such an intimate level with only two words, oh how I love Him. I am not going to describe what those words mean to me or how God is using them in my life for now, because those words are so wonderfully intimate that at this time I can't even articulate their meaning in such a way that could show you how much those words have touched my heart. The only thing I can do right now is praise God.
August 29, 2011
Being Content
Paul in Philippians wrote, "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in" (4:11b).
When I was in the park, the words "just be" came to my mind, but I think that was almost like an unfinished sentence, what does that mean to just be? Well in Paul's life it meant just be content. Be content in all circumstances. Do you think being content is something that Paul just knew how to do? I don't think so, because he says, "I have learned to be content".
Transitions in life are not easy for someone who finds comfort in stability and routines, but being content in all circumstances is something that I am learning to do. Not being content in myself, but being content in the Lord and in knowing that all things work together for good (Romans 8:28).
Siempre fiel, always faithful. God is always faithful.
Today, I woke up this morning with a spring in my step. I am not a morning person by any means, but tomorrow school starts, yay! I know I sound like a little child, but I am very excited to be starting my second tri-mester at ILE. I have loved my first tri and I am looking forward to seeing what God has planned for this upcoming tri.
This afternoon, I am going with a few students to pick up their new Costa Rican cellphones and then after that I will be heading downtown to do a prayer walk around the city. It has been a while since I have walked around downtown and prayed over the city and the people. I said before that I wanted to start doing a weekly prayer walk so today is going to start week one.
When I was in the park, the words "just be" came to my mind, but I think that was almost like an unfinished sentence, what does that mean to just be? Well in Paul's life it meant just be content. Be content in all circumstances. Do you think being content is something that Paul just knew how to do? I don't think so, because he says, "I have learned to be content".
Transitions in life are not easy for someone who finds comfort in stability and routines, but being content in all circumstances is something that I am learning to do. Not being content in myself, but being content in the Lord and in knowing that all things work together for good (Romans 8:28).
Siempre fiel, always faithful. God is always faithful.
Today, I woke up this morning with a spring in my step. I am not a morning person by any means, but tomorrow school starts, yay! I know I sound like a little child, but I am very excited to be starting my second tri-mester at ILE. I have loved my first tri and I am looking forward to seeing what God has planned for this upcoming tri.
This afternoon, I am going with a few students to pick up their new Costa Rican cellphones and then after that I will be heading downtown to do a prayer walk around the city. It has been a while since I have walked around downtown and prayed over the city and the people. I said before that I wanted to start doing a weekly prayer walk so today is going to start week one.
August 28, 2011
Loving the Rain...
All I Need - JJ Heller
As I have gone back through and reread some of my postings, I have realized how depressing they have sounded lately so as a result I have made a new rule when it comes to blogging starting tomorrow I am only going to blog before 5pm. I had a professor in college tell me that your mind thinks more clearly in the afternoon than at any other time during the day. My blogs lately have been based off of my emotions but not all of my emotions, just mostly the ones that have formed at night when I am tired. Those moments of exhaustion or sadness take up only a small portion of my day.
I am an optimist and for the most part I am a happy person, because I know that I can trust in the Lord and that everything is going to be okay. Homesickness is just a part of life and a part of growing-up, it is a normal process to go through and everyone goes through it differently. For me, it has been crying and admitting that I miss the ones that I love. However, now that I have spent time crying and that I have realized my struggle things are starting to look up.
I noticed the past couple weeks that there has been some things that I have been neglecting...1. my devotion and prayer time and 2. my alone time. Both of those things are essential for me. Today, the best part of the day was when I went for a walk. This afternoon, I walked in the rain and talked with God and it was great. I talked to Him about everything that has been on my heart and my mind lately, and I also listened for His response and truth. It was wonderful, I loved it.
Everyone has their ups and their downs, and for the past few days I have shared mostly my downs, but what you haven't seen in those blogs is how much fun I am having with the new students and how much I am laughing. I have laughed so hard these past few weeks with friends and family, it has been great. I have also got to try new things and explore with new friends, which has been a lot of fun. I am also starting to come into my "element" as am taking on new leadership roles and becoming more involved in ministry here in Costa Rica.
Yesterday, I went to Valle del Sol with Candace, a new ILE student, and it was great. I love working with those kiddos and seeing their smiling faces. We also had a few new children come which is always nice to see. The ministry has really been growing (thank you God). Even though, Steve (the director/leader) is the States, the classroom with the younger kids has been doing good. Karla, the lead teacher, has really been doing a good job in leading the classroom. As the tri-mester starts, I am looking forward to getting more involved in helping with the behind the scenes preparations for Saturdays and doing some teaching as my Spanish continues to improve.
God is good all the time. Thank you all for your prayers and continued support.
August 27, 2011
Delayed-Response
I have written before in a past blog about my delayed-response when it comes to good byes, well here it is. I have noticed the past 3 nights as I have laid in bed crying that it was not only because I was exhausted, but I realized last night that I am going through a time of transitioning and change. The day that Kelly left and that my dad arrived was crazy and then I had the whole week with my dad which also flew by. Then I was preparing for the students to come and then I have been staying busy ever since. Even though, I enjoy being busy most of the time the other day I noticed I needed some solitude because I was beginning to lose my mind. A friend actually brought it to my attention when we were talking and she said, "are you okay? I feel like your mind is somewhere else"? Well she was right, my mind was somewhere else and I feel like it has been somewhere else ever since that day Kelly left and my dad arrived.
During the day, I have not been present in many of the things going on around me. My mind has usually been somewhere else, which was something that was starting to bother me which added to my frustration. I didn't know where my mind was going I was focusing on every thing that I thought I had to do or needed to do, instead of just being in the moment with people and with God. Then at night, when I would come home I would not only be exhausted but I would just start crying. Obviously, there was something going on.
Last night, it came to me that I had not been dealing with the change that is taking place around me. I had not cried about my dad leaving or about Kelly leaving or about all the things that are changing at home so as I laid in bed I just cried about everything. I don't like crying. I think that is one of the reasons that my emotions have been delayed until now, and I am also task-oriented so if you keep me busy I will ignore myself and my emotions.
I think I struggle with adjusting to big life changes and now there are many that are taking place so I am learning to adjust in my own way, but first I needed to cry about it. I have to accept the things I can not change and have no control over. God is in control over everything and He has our best interests at heart. He knows what is going on before we do. He knew that I needed this time of losing my mind to let go and just admit my emotions and cry. He knows that admitting my emotions is still not as easy as I would like it to be, and that I hide many of my emotions, because I think of them as weak. But I am weak and I don't have to worry about that, because God is strong.
During the day, I have not been present in many of the things going on around me. My mind has usually been somewhere else, which was something that was starting to bother me which added to my frustration. I didn't know where my mind was going I was focusing on every thing that I thought I had to do or needed to do, instead of just being in the moment with people and with God. Then at night, when I would come home I would not only be exhausted but I would just start crying. Obviously, there was something going on.
Last night, it came to me that I had not been dealing with the change that is taking place around me. I had not cried about my dad leaving or about Kelly leaving or about all the things that are changing at home so as I laid in bed I just cried about everything. I don't like crying. I think that is one of the reasons that my emotions have been delayed until now, and I am also task-oriented so if you keep me busy I will ignore myself and my emotions.
I think I struggle with adjusting to big life changes and now there are many that are taking place so I am learning to adjust in my own way, but first I needed to cry about it. I have to accept the things I can not change and have no control over. God is in control over everything and He has our best interests at heart. He knows what is going on before we do. He knew that I needed this time of losing my mind to let go and just admit my emotions and cry. He knows that admitting my emotions is still not as easy as I would like it to be, and that I hide many of my emotions, because I think of them as weak. But I am weak and I don't have to worry about that, because God is strong.
A new song
No Fight Left by: JJ Heller
This song seemed appropriate for right now. I will blog later on tonight about what I learned last night while I laid in bed and then this morning how God reaffirmed that what I had learned or noticed was indeed true.
August 26, 2011
Just Be.
So I thought this morning that I would be spending the whole day at a park, just me and God. However, I am not sure where my mind was or has been because I literally could not focus. I sat at this new place trying to pray and my mind was a complete blank. I really could not focus enough to pray so I just spoke to God like I normally do like He is right next to me, and still nothing. I usually feel sometime of leading and today nothing.
So then I opened my Bible and began reading where I left off the other night in Leviticus. Well, it didn't seem like today was an infectious disease kind of day so I read a few chapters and then I did the thing that some people say you shouldn't do. I just left my Bible open and I let the breeze blow the pages around until it stopped (kind of the same idea of just opening your Bible and reading whatever page it opens to). My Bible laid open in Isaiah so I started reading and going through a couple chapters, but then I stopped and this question came to my mind, "what am I searching for"?
Why did I take 2 bus rides out to this park to "be with God"? Why I am out here? Why am I not at home resting? Why is God not giving me any kind of direction today? Why am I not at peace? Why am I still anxious and not able to relax?
I then packed up my things and started to head home. I sat on the bench at the bus stop for a good 20 minutes trying to figure out which bus I should take to go home then I stopped looking for the bus and I just sat there. In case you haven't noticed, I asked a lot of why questions today and then as I sat there I began to ask more questions.
God, why are you hiding your face from me? Why can't I relax? Then as I sat there at this bus stop where I had no idea where I was...it came to me, why am I trying so hard to relax and to be with God? Why in the world did I come all the way out to this park? Why didn't I just stay back in downtown San Jose where I feel the most relaxed? Or better yet, why didn't I just stay at home? Why did I feel like I had to go anywhere at all?
These words then entered my mind..."just be with me".
I didn't have to go anywhere at all today. I could have just stayed at home. God just wanted me to be with Him. "Just be with me, stop searching for answers, stop asking questions, and just be". Of course, I asked another question, what does that even mean? Just be. I am not sure that I know, but I guess I am going to find out as I just be.
So then I opened my Bible and began reading where I left off the other night in Leviticus. Well, it didn't seem like today was an infectious disease kind of day so I read a few chapters and then I did the thing that some people say you shouldn't do. I just left my Bible open and I let the breeze blow the pages around until it stopped (kind of the same idea of just opening your Bible and reading whatever page it opens to). My Bible laid open in Isaiah so I started reading and going through a couple chapters, but then I stopped and this question came to my mind, "what am I searching for"?
Why did I take 2 bus rides out to this park to "be with God"? Why I am out here? Why am I not at home resting? Why is God not giving me any kind of direction today? Why am I not at peace? Why am I still anxious and not able to relax?
I then packed up my things and started to head home. I sat on the bench at the bus stop for a good 20 minutes trying to figure out which bus I should take to go home then I stopped looking for the bus and I just sat there. In case you haven't noticed, I asked a lot of why questions today and then as I sat there I began to ask more questions.
God, why are you hiding your face from me? Why can't I relax? Then as I sat there at this bus stop where I had no idea where I was...it came to me, why am I trying so hard to relax and to be with God? Why in the world did I come all the way out to this park? Why didn't I just stay back in downtown San Jose where I feel the most relaxed? Or better yet, why didn't I just stay at home? Why did I feel like I had to go anywhere at all?
These words then entered my mind..."just be with me".
I didn't have to go anywhere at all today. I could have just stayed at home. God just wanted me to be with Him. "Just be with me, stop searching for answers, stop asking questions, and just be". Of course, I asked another question, what does that even mean? Just be. I am not sure that I know, but I guess I am going to find out as I just be.
August 25, 2011
Exhausted part 2
So I figured out yesterday, I was exhausted. As I laid down to go to bed, I started bawling. This usually happens when I am exhausted or having a panic attack, since I know I was not having a panic attack I know it was because of exhaustion. It might have been exhaustion mixed in with a little frustration, anxiety, and delayed emotions that all decided they were going to come out at once. My sleep last night was restless and I woke up with this feeling of just wanting to cry and stay in bed, but I knew I had to get up and go help with orientation. I am glad that I decided to help with orientation, because I have really enjoyed helping out and meeting the new students. Today, I got to act like a messy student with bad manners in a skit for the students on how not to act in the classroom. I also got to chat with students in between their sessions and get to know a few of them a little bit better.
Afterwards, I took a new family downtown to get a cellphone and then I got to spend the rest of the day with my new friend Candace and her family. It was great to be able to spend the day with them and laugh. It was a lot of fun to just be able to relax. There were times that I laughed so hard that I almost cried, it was great. I can tell this tri-mester that Candace and I are going to have a lot of fun together.
But for now I am still exhausted and going to bed. I am going to pray until I fall asleep tonight and then in the morning I will be cut off from society for the day. I need a day to just be alone with God. I shall return home tomorrow evening and blog.
I feel like I should ask you all to pray for me tomorrow as I spend my day with God. I am not sure what you can pray about but if you would just pray I would appreciate, thanks.
"I have not be given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7
Afterwards, I took a new family downtown to get a cellphone and then I got to spend the rest of the day with my new friend Candace and her family. It was great to be able to spend the day with them and laugh. It was a lot of fun to just be able to relax. There were times that I laughed so hard that I almost cried, it was great. I can tell this tri-mester that Candace and I are going to have a lot of fun together.
But for now I am still exhausted and going to bed. I am going to pray until I fall asleep tonight and then in the morning I will be cut off from society for the day. I need a day to just be alone with God. I shall return home tomorrow evening and blog.
I feel like I should ask you all to pray for me tomorrow as I spend my day with God. I am not sure what you can pray about but if you would just pray I would appreciate, thanks.
"I have not be given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7
August 24, 2011
I don't like writing blogs when I upset, but I am going to write this one because I am working on expressing my feelings and communicating even when I feel like I can't or when I find it difficult. It is always easier when you are frustrated or upset not to talk or work through your issues, but I don't think that is the way it should be. For me at times, I find it almost physically impossible to talk or communicate when I am in the beginning of a panic attack. You know I don't get easily frustrated or hurt, but when I do it really bothers me and makes me really upset then I start to cry a lot. I think this contributes to my panic attacks because really inside I am a sensitive person, I just try not to show it. I use to view it as a weakness, but now I am trying to embrace it.
My sensitive side is just as important to God as my strong independent side so I am learning to deal with the reality of who I am and who God has made me to be. To be honest, I will admit I don't always like what I see that is why I try to see myself a little less each day through my eyes and more through God's eyes. This is not an easy thing to do, but through His word I am learning more and more about being made in His image and what that means. I am learning about not just accepting who you are, but really loving who you are, because God sees all of you and loves you. Even though, at times I see me and I am like, "really God you love that about me because that part of me I would kind of like to change," and I never know maybe God would like to transform that part of me or maybe He likes that part of me the way it is, but either way I need to learn to love me.
I take on a lot of guilt and shame that I don't need to take on, especially when I have done all of the things that I am capable of doing to correct any wrongs that I have made. This where I am learning to let it go and give it over to God. I also take on guilt for petty things that I shouldn't feel guilty about and sometimes have no control over. I find myself saying, "I feel bad" a lot when I have nothing to feel bad about. I have a friend here who has been trying to help me work this, but it is not easy. I don't like letting others down or doing things wrong, which of course we all know is unavoidable in life because you can't make everyone happy and everyone makes mistakes. To be completely honest, I do many things out of guilt and that is not the way it should be.
My sensitive side is just as important to God as my strong independent side so I am learning to deal with the reality of who I am and who God has made me to be. To be honest, I will admit I don't always like what I see that is why I try to see myself a little less each day through my eyes and more through God's eyes. This is not an easy thing to do, but through His word I am learning more and more about being made in His image and what that means. I am learning about not just accepting who you are, but really loving who you are, because God sees all of you and loves you. Even though, at times I see me and I am like, "really God you love that about me because that part of me I would kind of like to change," and I never know maybe God would like to transform that part of me or maybe He likes that part of me the way it is, but either way I need to learn to love me.
I take on a lot of guilt and shame that I don't need to take on, especially when I have done all of the things that I am capable of doing to correct any wrongs that I have made. This where I am learning to let it go and give it over to God. I also take on guilt for petty things that I shouldn't feel guilty about and sometimes have no control over. I find myself saying, "I feel bad" a lot when I have nothing to feel bad about. I have a friend here who has been trying to help me work this, but it is not easy. I don't like letting others down or doing things wrong, which of course we all know is unavoidable in life because you can't make everyone happy and everyone makes mistakes. To be completely honest, I do many things out of guilt and that is not the way it should be.
August 23, 2011
Exploring...
Ever since I was a child I have had this curiosity for life. I just love learning about new things and exploring new places. I love learning about people and trying to figure out why people do what they do and why people act the way that they act. This has been both a good thing and a bad thing. Sometimes my curiosity has led to some not so good experiences or situations, but as we get older we learn and I have learned from those experiences. I love the thrill of discovering new things and doing new things, and that is something that I have continually prayed to God about because I never want where I go or what I do to be based solely off of my own feelings or desires. I want God to be the leader of my life. I know that His ways are good.
Today, the new students and I went to downtown San Jose. I gave them a tour of the area and took them to most of the key locations (National Theater, National Park, National Museum, two of the main markets, and then we visited some of the stores and other parks in the downtown area). We grabbed some coffee, which of course is a must in Costa Rica, and then later on we had some ice cream from Pops, which I believe is also a necessary stop when in Costa Rica. Our day was packed, but it was a lot of fun. Even though I enjoyed showing my new friends these places, what I really enjoyed was getting to know them on a deeper level while we walked around the city.
It is so interesting to see how God brings so many different people from so many different backgrounds together in one place. I love it. Everyone has a different story and I love hearing about how God is working in and through their lives. God is truly amazing. I am looking forward to exploring more of this beautiful country with these wonderful people.
Please pray for all of the new students that will be attending ILE this tri-mester. Pray over their time of transitioning into a new culture and as they begin orientation in the morning.
Today, the new students and I went to downtown San Jose. I gave them a tour of the area and took them to most of the key locations (National Theater, National Park, National Museum, two of the main markets, and then we visited some of the stores and other parks in the downtown area). We grabbed some coffee, which of course is a must in Costa Rica, and then later on we had some ice cream from Pops, which I believe is also a necessary stop when in Costa Rica. Our day was packed, but it was a lot of fun. Even though I enjoyed showing my new friends these places, what I really enjoyed was getting to know them on a deeper level while we walked around the city.
It is so interesting to see how God brings so many different people from so many different backgrounds together in one place. I love it. Everyone has a different story and I love hearing about how God is working in and through their lives. God is truly amazing. I am looking forward to exploring more of this beautiful country with these wonderful people.
Please pray for all of the new students that will be attending ILE this tri-mester. Pray over their time of transitioning into a new culture and as they begin orientation in the morning.
August 22, 2011
What a day :-)
This morning things went better than planned for the airport runs. All of the students I am helping arrived with all of their luggage and since one flight was delayed, I was able to pick up all of the students using the same car and driver, which saved them both money. Kate and Patrick are from Pennsylvania and West Virginia, they are the couple that will be living with me. Both of them are very nice and friendly, and I am looking forward to getting to know them more. Candace is from California and she lives about a block away. I love her energy and excitement. I can already tell she is going to be a fun girl to be around. Star has been here for a week and has already made herself right at home in her apartment. I love her sense of adventure and her independence. I can't wait to go back to school and meet the rest of the new students. I can already tell that they are going to be a good class.
Also today, I had another unexpected, but nice surprise as one of the host mom's of one of the students asked if I would help her practice English and in return she would practice Spanish with me. I kind of laughed because I knew that my Spanish the past two times we talked has been rough and I thought that maybe she was trying to tell me something. Although, it is okay with me I would love to be able to practice my Spanish and help her with her English (teaching English is something I have considered doing the past couple of years). I am looking forward to our first meeting on Wednesday.
I love meeting new people and building new relationships so today was a good day. I am excited to see what God has in store for this upcoming tri-mester and I am excited to go back to school. I feel like a little kid who wants to go back and see her friends, but really I just want to go back and learn more Spanish. This break has really helped me refresh some of my Spanish while at the same time pointing out my weaknesses.
Also today, I had another unexpected, but nice surprise as one of the host mom's of one of the students asked if I would help her practice English and in return she would practice Spanish with me. I kind of laughed because I knew that my Spanish the past two times we talked has been rough and I thought that maybe she was trying to tell me something. Although, it is okay with me I would love to be able to practice my Spanish and help her with her English (teaching English is something I have considered doing the past couple of years). I am looking forward to our first meeting on Wednesday.
I love meeting new people and building new relationships so today was a good day. I am excited to see what God has in store for this upcoming tri-mester and I am excited to go back to school. I feel like a little kid who wants to go back and see her friends, but really I just want to go back and learn more Spanish. This break has really helped me refresh some of my Spanish while at the same time pointing out my weaknesses.
August 21, 2011
Celebrating Life
Today I got to celebrate the day that my friend Emily entered into the world. Even though life has physically separated us, our hearts are never far apart. She is still the one that I want to run to first when I have good news or run to when I need a shoulder to cry on. I never had a sister growing up but I imagine she would be a lot like Em, and even though Em and I are not sisters by blood, we are by heart. She is one of those people that I don't have to say what I am feeling for her to know how I am feeling. She can see it in my face and hear it in my voice. We know one another so well that we can tell one another what we would like and what we wouldn't like when it comes to food, this comes in handy when eating out. I don't know what I would do without her. She makes my life a bit brighter by just being her. I celebrated her birthday miles away from her, but I still rejoiced with her and the rest of her friends and family.
Celebrating life is a wonderful thing. Today I celebrated the life of my best friend and sister Em. I love that once a year we have the opportunity to celebrate the lives of the ones that we love and hold dear. However, celebrating life should not be just a once a year thing. A friend of mine wrote on his Facebook status the other day, "stop and listen to your breathing.......whoa, we are alive. How cool is that". Do you ever think about that? I mean really stop and think about how cool it is that you are alive right now?
As I was at the beach last week, I was in awe of God's creation and the beauty of His work, but in reality I did not have to go very far to be in awe or to see the beauty of His work. One of the most amazing creations in all of the universe is me and you. God made each of us so unique and so complex. Did you that your heart beats 100,000 times a day? That is 40 million times a year. The fact that you and I are alive right now is incredible. A couple years ago, I had the chance to go to go see a famous exhibit in Spain on the human body and see the complexities of the human body. I remember as I walked around the exhibit, besides being completely grossed out by all of the floating body parts, I was completely amazed at how complex our bodies actually are.
Besides thinking about how amazing it is that our body actually functions the way that it does, just dwell for a moment on the fact that there is no one else like you. You are the only one like you. Now I know that sounds cheesy and you have probably heard that before, but that alone is beautiful. God made no one else like you. Instead, He formed you in your mother's womb and made you in His image. He made you good.
So let's celebrate life together not just once a year, but every day. Each morning you wake up, there is a day, a breath, a life worth celebrating.
If you have bad self-esteem this might be hard to take in or if you feel like you don't have anyone in your life that really understands you, celebrating life might not be something that you feel capable of doing right now. However, just know that you are loved, maybe not by the people around you, but by the Lord of the Universe you are. You are His and He loves you. He loves you for you, not for what you have done or what you will become.
"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat...we must find each other,"-Mother Teresa.
Find one another today and celebrate life together.
Celebrating life is a wonderful thing. Today I celebrated the life of my best friend and sister Em. I love that once a year we have the opportunity to celebrate the lives of the ones that we love and hold dear. However, celebrating life should not be just a once a year thing. A friend of mine wrote on his Facebook status the other day, "stop and listen to your breathing.......whoa, we are alive. How cool is that". Do you ever think about that? I mean really stop and think about how cool it is that you are alive right now?
As I was at the beach last week, I was in awe of God's creation and the beauty of His work, but in reality I did not have to go very far to be in awe or to see the beauty of His work. One of the most amazing creations in all of the universe is me and you. God made each of us so unique and so complex. Did you that your heart beats 100,000 times a day? That is 40 million times a year. The fact that you and I are alive right now is incredible. A couple years ago, I had the chance to go to go see a famous exhibit in Spain on the human body and see the complexities of the human body. I remember as I walked around the exhibit, besides being completely grossed out by all of the floating body parts, I was completely amazed at how complex our bodies actually are.
Besides thinking about how amazing it is that our body actually functions the way that it does, just dwell for a moment on the fact that there is no one else like you. You are the only one like you. Now I know that sounds cheesy and you have probably heard that before, but that alone is beautiful. God made no one else like you. Instead, He formed you in your mother's womb and made you in His image. He made you good.
So let's celebrate life together not just once a year, but every day. Each morning you wake up, there is a day, a breath, a life worth celebrating.
If you have bad self-esteem this might be hard to take in or if you feel like you don't have anyone in your life that really understands you, celebrating life might not be something that you feel capable of doing right now. However, just know that you are loved, maybe not by the people around you, but by the Lord of the Universe you are. You are His and He loves you. He loves you for you, not for what you have done or what you will become.
"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat...we must find each other,"-Mother Teresa.
Find one another today and celebrate life together.
August 20, 2011
Saying goodbye and trusting the Lord
Visit this link to see the video that I would like to share today. http://vimeo.com/15237921
(If you have trouble loading the video and are on facebook go to my page I posted it there)
I love this song and it felt fitting for today. This song sums up pretty much what I have been thinking about and what my dad and I have talked about this week. God has continually provided for me throughout my life and has guided me all the way. This life is not one that I would have chosen for myself, but I know that God gives the richest life. This life is so much better than anything I could have ever planned or could have ever dreamed of, I love it. I am satisfied in the Lord. Every need that I have ever had God has always provided. God gives me what I need when I need it. He is so faithful and good.
You know there are somethings when growing up that take some getting use to. For example, friends moving away, friend's getting married, and then of course moving out of the house and being apart from family. Those things can be hard. Although, I love my family and friends dearly it is comforting to be reminded of God's love and power in my life. As I stood by the ocean, I thought about how in the reality of life my life is just like a drop in the ocean. It is a small part of something that is so much bigger than me. God's strength, power, love, grace, and beauty is over everything.
"I am trusting you, Lord Jesus. I am trusting you forever and for all."
(If you have trouble loading the video and are on facebook go to my page I posted it there)
I love this song and it felt fitting for today. This song sums up pretty much what I have been thinking about and what my dad and I have talked about this week. God has continually provided for me throughout my life and has guided me all the way. This life is not one that I would have chosen for myself, but I know that God gives the richest life. This life is so much better than anything I could have ever planned or could have ever dreamed of, I love it. I am satisfied in the Lord. Every need that I have ever had God has always provided. God gives me what I need when I need it. He is so faithful and good.
You know there are somethings when growing up that take some getting use to. For example, friends moving away, friend's getting married, and then of course moving out of the house and being apart from family. Those things can be hard. Although, I love my family and friends dearly it is comforting to be reminded of God's love and power in my life. As I stood by the ocean, I thought about how in the reality of life my life is just like a drop in the ocean. It is a small part of something that is so much bigger than me. God's strength, power, love, grace, and beauty is over everything.
"I am trusting you, Lord Jesus. I am trusting you forever and for all."
August 19, 2011
Spending time with my Dad
This past week has been great! I have really enjoyed spending time with my dad and getting to show him the parts of Costa Rica that I love the most. I have really enjoyed showing him around and introducing him to some of my friends. Our time together has been blessed. I love that my dad has been so easy going and laid back. I have realized that we have more things in common than I thought, at least when it comes to the things that we enjoy doing.
As we talked tonight, I asked him what he would remember the most about Costa Rica and his response was when I met him at the airport. He was surprised at how happy I was to see him. He also said that this vacation has been the best one he has ever taken, because we had no agenda and he got to see and experience a new culture, while at the same time relaxing and just having fun. I tried to show him a variety of Costa Rica so that he could see Costa Rica for how it is and then get to see the tourist side of Costa Rica.
While at the beach, I realized that what I have enjoyed the most about his visit was him. Just having his presence here and the comfort that he provides has been great. I have really enjoyed spending time with him and sharing pieces of my heart with him. I have had a couple little frustrating moments since he has been here and having someone I love so close to me during those moments has been nice. I love my dad's hugs. During his visit, I found myself just smiling at him because I was so happy he was here. While on another trip to Playa Hermosa 3 months ago, my wish was to come back some day with someone that I love. This week that wish came true as I sat on the beach with my dad and watched the surfers on the water.
Our time together has been blessed. I have loved having him here. Tomorrow is going to be a sad day, but I feel blessed to have had this time with him. I can't believe how fast this week has gone by, but I am so glad that my dad has had a great time.
As I walked around the other night at the beach, I thought about how happy I am to have my dad here, but I also thought about how sad I am going to be to see him go. I thought about life and how this is the life God has given me and how honored and blessed I feel to be able to have the opportunity to go out into the world to share God's love with others. However, saying goodbye to loved one's will never get any easier, but the comfort and peace that I have felt just by having my dad here should be the same comfort and peace I should have in knowing that my Heavenly Father is always presence. He is always here and will continue to always be near.
The thought of Jesus in the temple as a young boy entered my mind. Mary, his mother, and Joseph, his father, had been searching for Jesus and found him in the temple. After finding Jesus, Mary says, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been searching anxiously for you". Jesus replies, "Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my father's house?". However at the time, Mary did not understand what Jesus was telling her. (Luke 2:41-52).
Jesus' focus was always on the Lord and that was something that He wanted to teach us. We need to know who our true Father is. The love that I feel from my earthly father is just a small glimpse of the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. I am so grateful to have such a great father here on earth, but I need to focus on my Father in Heaven. I love my parents and family dearly, but my focus needs to be on the Lord. This is the life that I have chosen to live and the life that I have felt led to live by God's love and grace, and the compassion that He has placed on my heart for others. I am the happiest when I serving and loving God and others, and I know that this is my life. Right now in Costa Rica, this is a glimpse at the life that God has ahead for me and I am so excited. God is preparing me and laying the foundation for my future, and my life is totally in His hands. It is such a blessing to have parents who support me and encourage me on my journey and walk with the Lord.
As we talked tonight, I asked him what he would remember the most about Costa Rica and his response was when I met him at the airport. He was surprised at how happy I was to see him. He also said that this vacation has been the best one he has ever taken, because we had no agenda and he got to see and experience a new culture, while at the same time relaxing and just having fun. I tried to show him a variety of Costa Rica so that he could see Costa Rica for how it is and then get to see the tourist side of Costa Rica.
While at the beach, I realized that what I have enjoyed the most about his visit was him. Just having his presence here and the comfort that he provides has been great. I have really enjoyed spending time with him and sharing pieces of my heart with him. I have had a couple little frustrating moments since he has been here and having someone I love so close to me during those moments has been nice. I love my dad's hugs. During his visit, I found myself just smiling at him because I was so happy he was here. While on another trip to Playa Hermosa 3 months ago, my wish was to come back some day with someone that I love. This week that wish came true as I sat on the beach with my dad and watched the surfers on the water.
Our time together has been blessed. I have loved having him here. Tomorrow is going to be a sad day, but I feel blessed to have had this time with him. I can't believe how fast this week has gone by, but I am so glad that my dad has had a great time.
As I walked around the other night at the beach, I thought about how happy I am to have my dad here, but I also thought about how sad I am going to be to see him go. I thought about life and how this is the life God has given me and how honored and blessed I feel to be able to have the opportunity to go out into the world to share God's love with others. However, saying goodbye to loved one's will never get any easier, but the comfort and peace that I have felt just by having my dad here should be the same comfort and peace I should have in knowing that my Heavenly Father is always presence. He is always here and will continue to always be near.
The thought of Jesus in the temple as a young boy entered my mind. Mary, his mother, and Joseph, his father, had been searching for Jesus and found him in the temple. After finding Jesus, Mary says, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been searching anxiously for you". Jesus replies, "Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my father's house?". However at the time, Mary did not understand what Jesus was telling her. (Luke 2:41-52).
Jesus' focus was always on the Lord and that was something that He wanted to teach us. We need to know who our true Father is. The love that I feel from my earthly father is just a small glimpse of the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. I am so grateful to have such a great father here on earth, but I need to focus on my Father in Heaven. I love my parents and family dearly, but my focus needs to be on the Lord. This is the life that I have chosen to live and the life that I have felt led to live by God's love and grace, and the compassion that He has placed on my heart for others. I am the happiest when I serving and loving God and others, and I know that this is my life. Right now in Costa Rica, this is a glimpse at the life that God has ahead for me and I am so excited. God is preparing me and laying the foundation for my future, and my life is totally in His hands. It is such a blessing to have parents who support me and encourage me on my journey and walk with the Lord.
August 16, 2011
Going to the Beach
So I decided to do one more post before we actually leave for the beach. This morning my dad and I along with Elaine and May will be heading out to Playa Hermosa for 3 days and 2 nights of relaxation! I can't wait! I am so ready to just sit in the sand and take in God's beautiful creation.
I have enjoyed my time with my dad so much, but now I am even more excited to just kick back on the beach with him and talk. It has been such blessing being able to have my dad here. Last night, as I was having my anxiety attack my dad gave me a hug and tried to calm me down. However, he didn't know he was actually making it worse, because there has been moments here when I just cry but no one is here to give me a loving hug, like my dad, and I thought of that and just cried more. It felt nice to have someone here who could just give me a hug and say everything is going to be okay. I miss having those comforting loving moments.
I love having my dad here and I have really enjoyed our time together, even though his time here is flying by fast. My heart needed this time with him. Thank you Lord.
Goodbye blog for 2 days! Hello sand and sunshine!
I have enjoyed my time with my dad so much, but now I am even more excited to just kick back on the beach with him and talk. It has been such blessing being able to have my dad here. Last night, as I was having my anxiety attack my dad gave me a hug and tried to calm me down. However, he didn't know he was actually making it worse, because there has been moments here when I just cry but no one is here to give me a loving hug, like my dad, and I thought of that and just cried more. It felt nice to have someone here who could just give me a hug and say everything is going to be okay. I miss having those comforting loving moments.
I love having my dad here and I have really enjoyed our time together, even though his time here is flying by fast. My heart needed this time with him. Thank you Lord.
Goodbye blog for 2 days! Hello sand and sunshine!
August 15, 2011
Exhausted
Today my dad and I along with my close friend Elaine went downtown to purchase our tickets for the beach and to shop around for some mother's day gifts. Today was mother's day in Costa Rica. My dad of course enjoyed himself as we walked around downtown San Jose. He was actually able to see it when it wasn't raining and he was able to see all of the people walking around. He really loved downtown San Jose.
Afterwards, we came home and I went to the airport to pick up Star, a new student at ILE. I was able to take her to her new apartment and show her around San Francisco de Dos Rios (the area where we live). Unfortunately, she did have to walk around in the rain as I showed her the main road and as we visited different banks trying to make a withdrawal. Mother's day must have affected most of the banks because almost all of the ATM machines were out of money. We then grabbed a taxi and went home to get my dad, who had been enjoying an afternoon of rest and relaxation.
By the time we got to my house it was time for dinner so all of us went out to the nearby pizza restaurant. The food of course was delicious, Star and I both had pasta while my dad enjoyed his pizza. I do have to say the pizza here is exceptional because they make the pizzas fresh and cook them in a fire oven. After we finished eating and chatting, we went to Star's apartment and introduced her to her landlord. Then my dad and I walked home in the mist of the rain, it was nice.
Then came my emotional breakdown as I realized that I had lost the keys to our house in one of the taxis. Papi and I retraced my steps and searched at the restaurant and then came home, only to come back empty handed. "Tranquila," papi says as I begin to cry (this is where my situational anxiety kicks in as I start to cry uncontrollably). However, everything is okay. Papi is making new keys which I offered to pay for of course since I know it is not cheap to replace 8 keys plus an additional 6 keys to go along with our new lock. Everything is fine though.
That is not the ending I would have chosen for this day but overall today was a good day. However, I am starting to see that I am emotionally exhausted. I have done more in the past 3 days then I normally do in 2 weeks and it is starting to get to me. Although having my dad here is totally worth it and I am so excited to relax at the beach tomorrow. It is time to relax and just kick back.
Also, just so you know I will not be blogging for at least 2 days while we are at the beach.
Prayer Request:
-Please pray for Star as she gets settled into her house and explores San Jose, and prepares for the upcoming tri-mester at language school.
-Please pray for safe travels as we go to the beach and as we come home.
-Please pray for me and my situational anxiety attacks, pray that they would go away. I really feel like my anxiety attacks hinder my ability to think clearly in certain situations.
Afterwards, we came home and I went to the airport to pick up Star, a new student at ILE. I was able to take her to her new apartment and show her around San Francisco de Dos Rios (the area where we live). Unfortunately, she did have to walk around in the rain as I showed her the main road and as we visited different banks trying to make a withdrawal. Mother's day must have affected most of the banks because almost all of the ATM machines were out of money. We then grabbed a taxi and went home to get my dad, who had been enjoying an afternoon of rest and relaxation.
By the time we got to my house it was time for dinner so all of us went out to the nearby pizza restaurant. The food of course was delicious, Star and I both had pasta while my dad enjoyed his pizza. I do have to say the pizza here is exceptional because they make the pizzas fresh and cook them in a fire oven. After we finished eating and chatting, we went to Star's apartment and introduced her to her landlord. Then my dad and I walked home in the mist of the rain, it was nice.
Then came my emotional breakdown as I realized that I had lost the keys to our house in one of the taxis. Papi and I retraced my steps and searched at the restaurant and then came home, only to come back empty handed. "Tranquila," papi says as I begin to cry (this is where my situational anxiety kicks in as I start to cry uncontrollably). However, everything is okay. Papi is making new keys which I offered to pay for of course since I know it is not cheap to replace 8 keys plus an additional 6 keys to go along with our new lock. Everything is fine though.
That is not the ending I would have chosen for this day but overall today was a good day. However, I am starting to see that I am emotionally exhausted. I have done more in the past 3 days then I normally do in 2 weeks and it is starting to get to me. Although having my dad here is totally worth it and I am so excited to relax at the beach tomorrow. It is time to relax and just kick back.
Also, just so you know I will not be blogging for at least 2 days while we are at the beach.
Prayer Request:
-Please pray for Star as she gets settled into her house and explores San Jose, and prepares for the upcoming tri-mester at language school.
-Please pray for safe travels as we go to the beach and as we come home.
-Please pray for me and my situational anxiety attacks, pray that they would go away. I really feel like my anxiety attacks hinder my ability to think clearly in certain situations.
August 14, 2011
A Great First Day
My dad is here visiting for a week and today was his first full day in Costa Rica. This morning I woke up excited to show him around and spend time with him. I think my favorite part of the morning would be going into his room and just lying in bed talking with him. I miss having those moments.
After we talked for a while, we started to get ready for church. My dad was excited to experience church in Costa Rica. We started walking to church at 10:18am to go to a service that "started" at 10:30am. His first words when I told him what time we would be leaving the house was, "Why are we leaving then? Won't we be late for the service"? "No, we won't be late," I assured him. Last week, I showed up to the service at exactly 10:30am and hardly anyone was there. Surely enough, we showed up at around 10:42am and people were still filtering in (this would continue until at least 11:00am). Welcome to Latin America daddy.
He loved the church service and then afterwards I had somethings I had to do so we went to one of the outlet malls for lunch. We ate at a Mexican restaurant called Antojitos. He loved it and now wants to go back before he leaves. After lunch, I had to go to a store to get a present for a friend and my dad waited outside people watching (this is one of the many things we have in common, we both love to people watch). I love that my dad is so laid-back and easygoing.
Within his first almost two days, my dad has done more than I did my first week in Costa Rica. He has been in 3 buses and 3 taxis, all of which he loved. He has been taking in every experience and trying to process everything he is seeing. I loved watching his face as we walked around downtown San Jose, I could tell he was having a great time. Today we didn't get to walk around the way I wanted to, because it is Sunday and it was raining. I wanted to show him all of my favorite things about downtown San Jose, but hopefully tomorrow. We are going to hang out there for most of the afternoon and evening so that hopefully he can see a few of my favorite people to watch (the painter and the musician) and a few of my favorite places. There is a coffee shop that I heard about last week from a friend that I would like to take him to, and of course to all the touristy places. We might try to see if we can get a tour of the national theater (my dad is a history buff). Although today, we did get to walk around quite a bit in downtown San Jose and he did go to Pops, the famous Costa Rican ice cream shop. They have really good ice cream and cappuccinos.
Today was such a great day. I wish I could slow down time. Today went by too fast and I know the days are just going to keep going by faster. My dad loves the fact that we don't have an agenda and that we can just do whatever we want, and that time feels like it moves slower here, but since his arrival I feel like it has been going by faster. Time needs to slow down just a bit. As we walked home today, my dad said, "Today was awesome"! I just smiled. I wanted to cry because I wish every day could be like this, but I am thankful for the time that I have with him. Today was a great day.
After we talked for a while, we started to get ready for church. My dad was excited to experience church in Costa Rica. We started walking to church at 10:18am to go to a service that "started" at 10:30am. His first words when I told him what time we would be leaving the house was, "Why are we leaving then? Won't we be late for the service"? "No, we won't be late," I assured him. Last week, I showed up to the service at exactly 10:30am and hardly anyone was there. Surely enough, we showed up at around 10:42am and people were still filtering in (this would continue until at least 11:00am). Welcome to Latin America daddy.
He loved the church service and then afterwards I had somethings I had to do so we went to one of the outlet malls for lunch. We ate at a Mexican restaurant called Antojitos. He loved it and now wants to go back before he leaves. After lunch, I had to go to a store to get a present for a friend and my dad waited outside people watching (this is one of the many things we have in common, we both love to people watch). I love that my dad is so laid-back and easygoing.
Within his first almost two days, my dad has done more than I did my first week in Costa Rica. He has been in 3 buses and 3 taxis, all of which he loved. He has been taking in every experience and trying to process everything he is seeing. I loved watching his face as we walked around downtown San Jose, I could tell he was having a great time. Today we didn't get to walk around the way I wanted to, because it is Sunday and it was raining. I wanted to show him all of my favorite things about downtown San Jose, but hopefully tomorrow. We are going to hang out there for most of the afternoon and evening so that hopefully he can see a few of my favorite people to watch (the painter and the musician) and a few of my favorite places. There is a coffee shop that I heard about last week from a friend that I would like to take him to, and of course to all the touristy places. We might try to see if we can get a tour of the national theater (my dad is a history buff). Although today, we did get to walk around quite a bit in downtown San Jose and he did go to Pops, the famous Costa Rican ice cream shop. They have really good ice cream and cappuccinos.
Today was such a great day. I wish I could slow down time. Today went by too fast and I know the days are just going to keep going by faster. My dad loves the fact that we don't have an agenda and that we can just do whatever we want, and that time feels like it moves slower here, but since his arrival I feel like it has been going by faster. Time needs to slow down just a bit. As we walked home today, my dad said, "Today was awesome"! I just smiled. I wanted to cry because I wish every day could be like this, but I am thankful for the time that I have with him. Today was a great day.
August 13, 2011
So Blessed...
It is great having my dad here! Our meeting at the airport was similar to what you would see in a movie, an anxious person waiting to meet a loved one. However, before I even saw him I was crying in anticipation and when I saw him, I did exactly what I said I would do...I attacked him! I gave him a huge hug and tons of kisses. I couldn't stop crying because I was so happy. The reality of everything finally sank in, my dad is in Costa Rica and my first tri-mester is over, wow.
I could have never have planned this life for myself and I am so grateful that I didn't. God has truly blessed my life and I am continually amazed by His goodness. Today, my dad and I really didn't do much because we were both so exhausted from the emotional anticipation of today and the traveling. We also both did not sleep much last night so we just laid in bed and talked about Costa Rica and started to catch up on each others lives. We did have a short adventure in a taxi, but that was all it was...an adventure in taxi because we got lost, and I couldn't describe our destination very well, all I could do was say the name of our destination and describe the general area. We were trying to go the ministry in Valle del Sol, but even though we were in the right area we never made it there. However, my dad did get to hear my broken spanish as we travelled, which he of course he thought was cool considering I didn't know hardly anything when I came. My dad has also been loving my mama tica's cooking. Now he knows what I am talking about when I say that she is great cook.
It is amazing to see how far I have come in such a short period of time. Today, as I walked with some new students around San Jose and as I talked to my dad about the culture and San Jose, even I was amazed. I never noticed how much I have changed until I have met new people entering the culture and I saw part of my old self in them, especially in my dad. My dad knows me and I am so excited to show him the person that God has and is creating me to be.
As my dad went to bed, I started to reflect on how blessed I am and how good God is, and how through the good and bad times God stays the same. Two years ago, Costa Rica was a thought or dream in my mind, but I never thought it would be a reality and even a year ago I still thought, "language school sounds perfect, but maybe it is just perfect for someone else and not me". God still lead me here and as my parents and I can confess this whole journey has been driven by God. He paved the way for me to go and I just had to say yes. If God allows me to stay here till April 2011 great, and if not then great. God has shown me His love and faithfulness, and I trust in Him no matter where He leads me.
As I sit in my room, I amazed at how God provides. My dad and I were talking about that at dinner tonight, about how God has continually blessed me throughout my life and I once again felt so humbled because I know I am so undeserving. God's love for me overwhelms me. In every season of my life, God has lead me to be exactly where I am at right now. He has created me to be the person I am right now, and He continues to show me the person He wants me to be and knows that I am.
"God, he isn't right so show me who is, and continue molding me to be the woman that you want me to be. The one you want me to be, the one you made me to be, and the one he needs me to be". I wrote that prayer a while back after I met someone, a guy, who I wanted to like but God said no. That happens to me a lot, but I know my prayer has and continues to be answered. I am so glad that God does not keep me were I was and have been, but instead continually transforms me and molds me.
This life is not what I had planned...it is better. God is so good. His grace is truly amazing.
I could have never have planned this life for myself and I am so grateful that I didn't. God has truly blessed my life and I am continually amazed by His goodness. Today, my dad and I really didn't do much because we were both so exhausted from the emotional anticipation of today and the traveling. We also both did not sleep much last night so we just laid in bed and talked about Costa Rica and started to catch up on each others lives. We did have a short adventure in a taxi, but that was all it was...an adventure in taxi because we got lost, and I couldn't describe our destination very well, all I could do was say the name of our destination and describe the general area. We were trying to go the ministry in Valle del Sol, but even though we were in the right area we never made it there. However, my dad did get to hear my broken spanish as we travelled, which he of course he thought was cool considering I didn't know hardly anything when I came. My dad has also been loving my mama tica's cooking. Now he knows what I am talking about when I say that she is great cook.
It is amazing to see how far I have come in such a short period of time. Today, as I walked with some new students around San Jose and as I talked to my dad about the culture and San Jose, even I was amazed. I never noticed how much I have changed until I have met new people entering the culture and I saw part of my old self in them, especially in my dad. My dad knows me and I am so excited to show him the person that God has and is creating me to be.
As my dad went to bed, I started to reflect on how blessed I am and how good God is, and how through the good and bad times God stays the same. Two years ago, Costa Rica was a thought or dream in my mind, but I never thought it would be a reality and even a year ago I still thought, "language school sounds perfect, but maybe it is just perfect for someone else and not me". God still lead me here and as my parents and I can confess this whole journey has been driven by God. He paved the way for me to go and I just had to say yes. If God allows me to stay here till April 2011 great, and if not then great. God has shown me His love and faithfulness, and I trust in Him no matter where He leads me.
As I sit in my room, I amazed at how God provides. My dad and I were talking about that at dinner tonight, about how God has continually blessed me throughout my life and I once again felt so humbled because I know I am so undeserving. God's love for me overwhelms me. In every season of my life, God has lead me to be exactly where I am at right now. He has created me to be the person I am right now, and He continues to show me the person He wants me to be and knows that I am.
"God, he isn't right so show me who is, and continue molding me to be the woman that you want me to be. The one you want me to be, the one you made me to be, and the one he needs me to be". I wrote that prayer a while back after I met someone, a guy, who I wanted to like but God said no. That happens to me a lot, but I know my prayer has and continues to be answered. I am so glad that God does not keep me were I was and have been, but instead continually transforms me and molds me.
This life is not what I had planned...it is better. God is so good. His grace is truly amazing.
August 12, 2011
A hard but good day
Today, I was really overwhelmed with everything going. I have what some may call a delayed reaction when it comes to goodbyes. I usually dont show my emotions right at the moment I am saying goodbye, but today there were moments when I couldn't fight back the tears.
Today was graduation, for some of the ILE students who will be leaving and going to their countries of work. I have some very dear friends who graduated today and will be leaving tomorrow morning. Graduation went well, considering everything that was going on at the school. My friend, Sarah did an excellent job at organizing the reception and along with some other volunteers, I was able to help her with filling the food trays and cleaning. So during graduation, we were busy running around, so much so that I didn't have time to fully process everything that was going on.
I cried a bit during graduation when I realized that Kelly is really leaving, but I tried to push it back out of my mind. That is until, another friend, Steve, who runs the ministry at Valle del Sol, showed up to say goodbye and remind me that he is leaving. In that moment, I refused to cry, but since I have been in Costa Rica, I have never had the urge here to tell someone I love them, but as I said goodbye to Steve that is one of the things that I wanted to say, but didn't (since then, as I have said goodbye to a few dear friends that is the one thing that I have wanted to say and did say. I then realized that I don't say those words nearly enough here to the people that are dear to me. I think that is why as I said goodbye, I wanted those people whom I love to know that I love them and that they have a place in my heart). He has been such a wonderful friend and is such a good Godly man doing wonderful things here, that it broke my heart thinking this might be the last time that I see him, at least on earth because I know I will see him in heaven (he is returning to the USA until the end of January). He has taken me under his wing at Valle del Sol and has been like a mentor to me. I am very grateful for him, his family, and his ministry at Valle del Sol. He has been able to not only minister to the children at Valle del Sol, but also to me.
As graduation ended, I was exhausted both emotionally and physically. I was still trying to hold all of my emotions together until I had time to think about everything. However, I did not get to go home and relax. Some friends who graduated invited me out to lunch, but I really didn't feel like I could handle any more goodbyes or even people right at that moment. One friend though kept asking me to go so I decided to go for her.
I am so glad that Heather talked me into going because lunch was wonderfully bittersweet. My friend, Sarah had the idea to go around and have all of the non-graduates say what they were thankful for about the people who were graduating. At first I was like I am not doing this, so I waited until the end to talk. I ended up crying, because each of those girls, even though some of us didn't talk that much, had made an impact on my life and I was grateful for knowing them. As we continued to share everyone, including the graduates, went around the table and said what they were thankful for in one another. We all ended up crying. God knew that we all needed that moment together. It was great to hear about what others see and notice in you, and to hear about how God works through you to impact someone else's life. It was very a good lunch date, and afterwards I got to hang out with Heather.
In the midst of all of this, I had this giddiness inside of me because my dad is coming tomorrow to Costa Rica. You can see how this whole day has just been an emotional rollercoaster. My mind officially can not take anymore, but this day has been wonderfully bittersweet. I will miss my friends dearly, but I am grateful for Skype and the internet so that no matter where they are we can keep in touch.
Tomorrow, I have to say goodbye to another dear friend, Kelly. Without her I don't know what I would have done this tri-mester. She has been such a wonderful friend. I will miss her so much. God knew that I would need her in my life during this time of transition, and I am so grateful to have her in my life. We have shared many laughs together and have had some good times. It is going to be hard for me to say goodbye to her, but I know we will talk again soon. I am so excited for her, and for all my friends, who are transitioning it their next journey in life. I know that there are many people in Venezuela who will blessed through Kelly's life and work in ministry.
Please pray for all of those who have graduated ILE today and please continue to pray for the ILE staff and administration, as they too are going through a time of transition.
Today was graduation, for some of the ILE students who will be leaving and going to their countries of work. I have some very dear friends who graduated today and will be leaving tomorrow morning. Graduation went well, considering everything that was going on at the school. My friend, Sarah did an excellent job at organizing the reception and along with some other volunteers, I was able to help her with filling the food trays and cleaning. So during graduation, we were busy running around, so much so that I didn't have time to fully process everything that was going on.
I cried a bit during graduation when I realized that Kelly is really leaving, but I tried to push it back out of my mind. That is until, another friend, Steve, who runs the ministry at Valle del Sol, showed up to say goodbye and remind me that he is leaving. In that moment, I refused to cry, but since I have been in Costa Rica, I have never had the urge here to tell someone I love them, but as I said goodbye to Steve that is one of the things that I wanted to say, but didn't (since then, as I have said goodbye to a few dear friends that is the one thing that I have wanted to say and did say. I then realized that I don't say those words nearly enough here to the people that are dear to me. I think that is why as I said goodbye, I wanted those people whom I love to know that I love them and that they have a place in my heart). He has been such a wonderful friend and is such a good Godly man doing wonderful things here, that it broke my heart thinking this might be the last time that I see him, at least on earth because I know I will see him in heaven (he is returning to the USA until the end of January). He has taken me under his wing at Valle del Sol and has been like a mentor to me. I am very grateful for him, his family, and his ministry at Valle del Sol. He has been able to not only minister to the children at Valle del Sol, but also to me.
As graduation ended, I was exhausted both emotionally and physically. I was still trying to hold all of my emotions together until I had time to think about everything. However, I did not get to go home and relax. Some friends who graduated invited me out to lunch, but I really didn't feel like I could handle any more goodbyes or even people right at that moment. One friend though kept asking me to go so I decided to go for her.
I am so glad that Heather talked me into going because lunch was wonderfully bittersweet. My friend, Sarah had the idea to go around and have all of the non-graduates say what they were thankful for about the people who were graduating. At first I was like I am not doing this, so I waited until the end to talk. I ended up crying, because each of those girls, even though some of us didn't talk that much, had made an impact on my life and I was grateful for knowing them. As we continued to share everyone, including the graduates, went around the table and said what they were thankful for in one another. We all ended up crying. God knew that we all needed that moment together. It was great to hear about what others see and notice in you, and to hear about how God works through you to impact someone else's life. It was very a good lunch date, and afterwards I got to hang out with Heather.
In the midst of all of this, I had this giddiness inside of me because my dad is coming tomorrow to Costa Rica. You can see how this whole day has just been an emotional rollercoaster. My mind officially can not take anymore, but this day has been wonderfully bittersweet. I will miss my friends dearly, but I am grateful for Skype and the internet so that no matter where they are we can keep in touch.
Tomorrow, I have to say goodbye to another dear friend, Kelly. Without her I don't know what I would have done this tri-mester. She has been such a wonderful friend. I will miss her so much. God knew that I would need her in my life during this time of transition, and I am so grateful to have her in my life. We have shared many laughs together and have had some good times. It is going to be hard for me to say goodbye to her, but I know we will talk again soon. I am so excited for her, and for all my friends, who are transitioning it their next journey in life. I know that there are many people in Venezuela who will blessed through Kelly's life and work in ministry.
Please pray for all of those who have graduated ILE today and please continue to pray for the ILE staff and administration, as they too are going through a time of transition.
August 11, 2011
Answered Prayers...
God is good. I just finished my last day of classes at ILE so I am officially done with my first tri-mester. Incredible, I can't believe how fast those first 3 months in Costa Rica have flown by. I have absolutely loved it and I am so looking forward to the next 3 months.
Tonight, as I was organizing the papers on my desk and preparing to switch rooms on Saturday, I found my prayer journal that I started back in the beginning of July. It has been a while since I have written in it so I went through and read all of the prayers that I had written. As I read those prayers, I become in awe once again of God. Every prayer that is in that journal has been answered in some way or another, and I have once again been humbled. God's faithfulness and love continues to amaze me. He is so good.
I know many of you have been praying for Valle del Sol and the ministry, and I wanted to let you know, that your prayers too have been heard. This week Carla will be returning to the ministry and will be helping me in the classroom with teaching the children. It is such a blessing to have her back and I am so thankful to be working with her again.
Thank you all for your prayers and for your continued support.
Tonight, as I was organizing the papers on my desk and preparing to switch rooms on Saturday, I found my prayer journal that I started back in the beginning of July. It has been a while since I have written in it so I went through and read all of the prayers that I had written. As I read those prayers, I become in awe once again of God. Every prayer that is in that journal has been answered in some way or another, and I have once again been humbled. God's faithfulness and love continues to amaze me. He is so good.
I know many of you have been praying for Valle del Sol and the ministry, and I wanted to let you know, that your prayers too have been heard. This week Carla will be returning to the ministry and will be helping me in the classroom with teaching the children. It is such a blessing to have her back and I am so thankful to be working with her again.
Thank you all for your prayers and for your continued support.
August 10, 2011
The end of my first tri...
This time has gone by so fast. It is hard to believe that I have been in Costa Rica for over 3 months. This past tri-mester at ILE has been incredible, glory be to God. I didn't know what to expect when I arrived here, but I can tell you for certain that this experience is no where close to anything that I could have imagined. God is so amazing. You know I wanted to wrap up with this tri with a blog about how much I have learned when it comes to language learning, but there is so much more to ILE than learning Spanish. Don't get me wrong I have learned a ton when it comes to the Spanish language and Costa Rican culture, but in my 3 months at ILE I have grown so much in my understanding and relationship with Christ. All I can do is praise God. Some of my favorite and most difficult moments from this past tri took place in the solitude of my room, just me and my God. I am not really sure how to explain everything that God has put on my heart, but let me share with you a song that God has continually been placing into my life.
In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that you are God
In the secret of your presence
I know there I am restored
When you call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise
In the chaos in confusion
I know you are sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise
All my delight is in you
All of my hope
All of my strength
All of my delight is in you
Forever more
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise
(None but Jesus by: Hillsong United)
P.S.
Please lift up ILE, the administration, and the teachers in your prayers tonight and tomorrow. This past week/month has been hard for the teachers because the school is having to lay off some of the teachers, because of financial reasons and the declining student enrollment. Tomorrow there will be a meeting for the staff, and the administration will be announcing who will be laid off. Please lift up the school and the teachers who will be laid off tomorrow in your prayers.
In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that you are God
In the secret of your presence
I know there I am restored
When you call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise
In the chaos in confusion
I know you are sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise
All my delight is in you
All of my hope
All of my strength
All of my delight is in you
Forever more
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise
(None but Jesus by: Hillsong United)
P.S.
Please lift up ILE, the administration, and the teachers in your prayers tonight and tomorrow. This past week/month has been hard for the teachers because the school is having to lay off some of the teachers, because of financial reasons and the declining student enrollment. Tomorrow there will be a meeting for the staff, and the administration will be announcing who will be laid off. Please lift up the school and the teachers who will be laid off tomorrow in your prayers.
August 09, 2011
My Dad arrives in 4 days..
On Saturday, my daddy Mike is going to be visiting me in Costa Rica. I am super excited and I can't wait to see him. I also can't wait to show him around. My dad means so much to me, and to be able to share this wonderful experience in Costa Rica with him makes me so happy.
My dad is one of the best human beings I know. I am not saying that just because I am his daughter. I am saying that because I know him. If you want to meet someone who is honest, caring, kind, and genuine then look no farther than my dad. I have had the privilege of being his daughter and I am so blessed to have him in my life.
I grew up watching him and my mom serving others and dedicating their lives to helping others. If there was ever a problem I knew I could always go to my dad no matter what, and he would understand. While growing up, it didn't take me long to see that others could see this in him too. People would call him in the middle of the night with their issues or he would go out of his way to help those in need. My parents showed me what it meant to serve and love others through their actions.
I remember asking my mom when I was little, "Mom how does everyone know dad?". We couldn't go out without someone talking to him or my mom, even my friends would stop us in the store to talk to my dad. That always made me smile, I knew I had the best dad.
My dad and I have always had this special connection. He gets some of the humor that my mom just doesn't understand (she can testify to this). Some of my favorite memories are of him and I going out to a movie by ourselves or going fishing. I remember even having fun eating at McDonald's with him, I loved hanging out with my daddy.
If it hadn't been for my dad's help in elementary school, I don't think I would have made it out. He would spend hours working with me on an assignment that should have lasted 10 minutes, I have always been an excellent procrastinator. I would asks for a cup of water or something to eat to get out of doing homework, and if all else failed I remember saying, "why don't we just talk?". My dad is very patient.
He is a man that doesn't ask for anything, but gives everything. He is a simple man, it doesn't take much to make him happy or content. He has dedicated his life to not only helping others, but also to his family. While growing up, my dad and my mom included my brother and I in everything. As they would tell you, we are their lives. When I could or wanted to, I would go to work with my dad and my mom. I also remember waiting at home for my dad to get off work and hiding behind the door waiting to scare him when he walked in. I successfully scared him the majority of the time.
All of our vacations were as a family. The thought of doing something without my brother or me was a strange concept for them. We would always do things together as a family. However when it came to nature, my mom was never really a big fan so my dad and I would go fishing by ourselves (my brother was a mama's boy growing up so he would stay with her). My favorite times were my dad and I's camping trips to Yogi Bear park. We would play in the pool for hours, go fishing, catch frogs, play minature golf, and candy bar bingo. That was one of my favorite places to be. Every time I smell something cooking out on a grill or over a fire, I always think of my dad cooking our food at Yogi Bear. We had the best breakfasts. People would come over from other camp sites or cabins because they could smell our food. When it comes to a grill or an open fire my dad is a great cook.
While growing up, he has taught me about the importance of communication and working through your issues instead of around them. He has not only told me about the importance of being a hard worker, but he has showed me what it really means through his life. My dad is one of the hardest workers I know, and he does his work with excellence. He has a teachable heart and loves learning about new things. He is also a great storyteller. While growing up, I would always have him tell me stories about when he was young or I would ask him to tell me funny stories.
I could go on forever, I love my dad.
My dad is one of the best human beings I know. I am not saying that just because I am his daughter. I am saying that because I know him. If you want to meet someone who is honest, caring, kind, and genuine then look no farther than my dad. I have had the privilege of being his daughter and I am so blessed to have him in my life.
I grew up watching him and my mom serving others and dedicating their lives to helping others. If there was ever a problem I knew I could always go to my dad no matter what, and he would understand. While growing up, it didn't take me long to see that others could see this in him too. People would call him in the middle of the night with their issues or he would go out of his way to help those in need. My parents showed me what it meant to serve and love others through their actions.
I remember asking my mom when I was little, "Mom how does everyone know dad?". We couldn't go out without someone talking to him or my mom, even my friends would stop us in the store to talk to my dad. That always made me smile, I knew I had the best dad.
My dad and I have always had this special connection. He gets some of the humor that my mom just doesn't understand (she can testify to this). Some of my favorite memories are of him and I going out to a movie by ourselves or going fishing. I remember even having fun eating at McDonald's with him, I loved hanging out with my daddy.
If it hadn't been for my dad's help in elementary school, I don't think I would have made it out. He would spend hours working with me on an assignment that should have lasted 10 minutes, I have always been an excellent procrastinator. I would asks for a cup of water or something to eat to get out of doing homework, and if all else failed I remember saying, "why don't we just talk?". My dad is very patient.
He is a man that doesn't ask for anything, but gives everything. He is a simple man, it doesn't take much to make him happy or content. He has dedicated his life to not only helping others, but also to his family. While growing up, my dad and my mom included my brother and I in everything. As they would tell you, we are their lives. When I could or wanted to, I would go to work with my dad and my mom. I also remember waiting at home for my dad to get off work and hiding behind the door waiting to scare him when he walked in. I successfully scared him the majority of the time.
All of our vacations were as a family. The thought of doing something without my brother or me was a strange concept for them. We would always do things together as a family. However when it came to nature, my mom was never really a big fan so my dad and I would go fishing by ourselves (my brother was a mama's boy growing up so he would stay with her). My favorite times were my dad and I's camping trips to Yogi Bear park. We would play in the pool for hours, go fishing, catch frogs, play minature golf, and candy bar bingo. That was one of my favorite places to be. Every time I smell something cooking out on a grill or over a fire, I always think of my dad cooking our food at Yogi Bear. We had the best breakfasts. People would come over from other camp sites or cabins because they could smell our food. When it comes to a grill or an open fire my dad is a great cook.
While growing up, he has taught me about the importance of communication and working through your issues instead of around them. He has not only told me about the importance of being a hard worker, but he has showed me what it really means through his life. My dad is one of the hardest workers I know, and he does his work with excellence. He has a teachable heart and loves learning about new things. He is also a great storyteller. While growing up, I would always have him tell me stories about when he was young or I would ask him to tell me funny stories.
I could go on forever, I love my dad.
August 08, 2011
Come to me...
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." - John 10:27-30
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."- Psalm 23:1-4
When faced with danger or stress the sheep's first response is to panic and flee, which can make the shepherd's job hard. They have a natural gregarious instint, which means they are fond of the company of others, but when faced with danger they scatter. This is where the shepherd comes in, he helps guide his sheep and keeps watch over the flock.
We, as humans, are also fearful of many things. We have as some call it "a fear of the unknown". We worry about our lives and panic when things don't go as planned. We can start to feel so overwhelmed and burdened by the things in our lives that we start can start to lose hope or become distracted. However, God tells us...
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7
"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us.." - Hebrews 12:1
Just as a shepherd keeps watch over his flock, the same is true for the Lord. He keeps watch over us, guides us, and is always with us. He cares for us and wants us to rest in Him. He wants us to cast all our anxieties and worries on Him and rest in knowing that He is Lord, nothing is hidden from His sight. He sees you.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."- Psalm 23:1-4
When faced with danger or stress the sheep's first response is to panic and flee, which can make the shepherd's job hard. They have a natural gregarious instint, which means they are fond of the company of others, but when faced with danger they scatter. This is where the shepherd comes in, he helps guide his sheep and keeps watch over the flock.
We, as humans, are also fearful of many things. We have as some call it "a fear of the unknown". We worry about our lives and panic when things don't go as planned. We can start to feel so overwhelmed and burdened by the things in our lives that we start can start to lose hope or become distracted. However, God tells us...
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7
"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us.." - Hebrews 12:1
Just as a shepherd keeps watch over his flock, the same is true for the Lord. He keeps watch over us, guides us, and is always with us. He cares for us and wants us to rest in Him. He wants us to cast all our anxieties and worries on Him and rest in knowing that He is Lord, nothing is hidden from His sight. He sees you.
August 07, 2011
Glory be to God...
"Take my life and let it be, all for you and for your glory" -Fee
God has and continues to be so faithful. His love for me continues to amaze me. Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty who was, and is, and is to come.
Today was fun and interesting. I woke up this morning exhausted because I stayed up too late last night, but I pulled myself out of bed and went to church. I really enjoyed church. In addition to being filled with God's truth, going to church has also become a great way for me to practice Spanish by: listening, singing, and talking with people. I have realized that it is hard for me to actually listen when people are speaking in Spanish, because it is easy to zone out or become so flustered about putting together a response that it is hard to actually understand what the other person is saying. I am trying to work on this by speaking more Spanish and by being intentional in surrounding myself with Ticos or other Spanish speakers.
After church, I went downtown to have lunch. My plan was to go to the restaurant, where I had that great meal the other day, but sadly enough they are not open on Sundays. So, I settled on fast food, but the best part of my lunchtime was the fact that my table was by the windows that looked out towards one of the parks. So as I ate lunch, I was able to people watch.
After lunch, I walked around and did some more people watching and a little shopping. I found two more street musicians that I really enjoy listening to. Also as I walked around, I noticed something was different today...there was police everywhere. Seriously every corner I turned there would be two cops, I started to wonder if there is more crime during the day on Sundays than on other days. From my observation today, I would say yes. Today, I witnessed a large group of teenagers starting a riot near one of the parks in less than a minute the police arrived and jumped out of trucks like a swat team. The police broke it up and the teenagers went their separate ways. Then after I left the park, on one street I witnessed an arrest (a guy tried to steal another guy's bag), on another street a woman was making a complaint about some guys bothering her, and on another street a guy was being patted down by an officer.
My walk around downtown ended up being a prayer walk for the teenagers, prostitutes, and police officers in the city. Today, I decided that I am going to start doing an intentional weekly prayer walk downtown.
God has and continues to be so faithful. His love for me continues to amaze me. Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty who was, and is, and is to come.
Today was fun and interesting. I woke up this morning exhausted because I stayed up too late last night, but I pulled myself out of bed and went to church. I really enjoyed church. In addition to being filled with God's truth, going to church has also become a great way for me to practice Spanish by: listening, singing, and talking with people. I have realized that it is hard for me to actually listen when people are speaking in Spanish, because it is easy to zone out or become so flustered about putting together a response that it is hard to actually understand what the other person is saying. I am trying to work on this by speaking more Spanish and by being intentional in surrounding myself with Ticos or other Spanish speakers.
After church, I went downtown to have lunch. My plan was to go to the restaurant, where I had that great meal the other day, but sadly enough they are not open on Sundays. So, I settled on fast food, but the best part of my lunchtime was the fact that my table was by the windows that looked out towards one of the parks. So as I ate lunch, I was able to people watch.
After lunch, I walked around and did some more people watching and a little shopping. I found two more street musicians that I really enjoy listening to. Also as I walked around, I noticed something was different today...there was police everywhere. Seriously every corner I turned there would be two cops, I started to wonder if there is more crime during the day on Sundays than on other days. From my observation today, I would say yes. Today, I witnessed a large group of teenagers starting a riot near one of the parks in less than a minute the police arrived and jumped out of trucks like a swat team. The police broke it up and the teenagers went their separate ways. Then after I left the park, on one street I witnessed an arrest (a guy tried to steal another guy's bag), on another street a woman was making a complaint about some guys bothering her, and on another street a guy was being patted down by an officer.
My walk around downtown ended up being a prayer walk for the teenagers, prostitutes, and police officers in the city. Today, I decided that I am going to start doing an intentional weekly prayer walk downtown.
August 06, 2011
Oh how I love you so....
Today, I woke up wanting to be lazy so I just layed in bed for 3 hours listening to music and watching YouTube videos. I love just lying in bed on Saturday mornings.
Then I started to get hungry and realized it was getting late so I had to get ready and go get lunch (mamà usually makes lunch but something important came up today). I was planning on going downtown, but I didn't get ready in time so I settled on going to get some fast food. However, it turns out the closest place was closed and I ended up going to a restaurant. May I remind you I was by myself so this kind of freaked me out. I wasn't comfortable eating by myself, but then once I sat down and ordered it didn't seem that bad. I had brought my Bible and journal, and so I started journaling and eating lunch.
While I was eating lunch, I realized that I was actually enjoying being alone and eating out. I have never eaten in an actual restaurant by myself, I have eaten in fast food places by myself, but not a restaurant. I went to the movies by myself the other day and I do other things by myself, but eating out in a restaurant is not one of them until today. As I looked around the restaurant this thought occurred to me, "what if this was your life in another country forever, could you do this"? I smiled because I could honestly answer yes, I can do this.
I have a lot of fun going out alone (there are some moments that are not fun, but there are more good than bad moments) and it is great way to practice my Spanish, because I am more apt to speak Spanish on the streets when I am alone. If I mess up no one is there to see it and no one is watching me except the other person, who usually corrects me. I have also been having some good conversations with God while I am out and I love it. You can be alone without feeling lonely, God is always with us so we are never truly alone.
After lunch, I caught the bus to go to the school and then headed to Valle del Sol. Once I got in the car I knew something was wrong. Steve and I talked about some of the issues that have been taking place in Valle del Sol and in the church, where we hold our Saturday ministry for the kids. I have to admit I wanted to cry because there are so many issues in the Valle del Sol community and within the church that it breaks my heart. Well, our children's ministry was moved out of the church building because of the manipulation, pride, and selfishness of the "pastor" and owner of the building. I am not going to go into all the details, but if you could pray for her that would be great, and pray for the people within the church. The pastor deeply needs prayer, because there is a strong spiritual battle taking place in her life. It is hard for me to be upset with her because her struggles are so evident. I feel sorry for her.
Well, like I mentioned in a previous post we lost our main teacher because of some of the issues in church and the surrounding community. If you could still pray for Carla that would be great. I really want her to come back and so does everyone else, but her feelings have been deeply hurt by the pastor and others in the community. Not only have we lost our main teacher in the younger class, but today we showed up not knowing where we were going to hold all of the children.
God provided though and honestly I love our new building. It is a parking garage, without the cars, so the space is great. We had fewer children today because the pastor of the church decided to hold a party for the children in the community so that they wouldn't come (like I said before pray for her). However, the kids came. It was great seeing their smiling faces. I love those kids.
Since, Steve is leaving in a week to go to the USA to raise funds for the ministry I will be the lead teacher and student volunteer coordinator. I just found out I am teaching the class by myself until I find someone to help me. Please pray that someone, who is strong in their faith and loves kids, would come and help. Today, I led the class by myself, but really it was all God. I was amazed when I looked at the lesson and it was something I could actually explain in Spanish (the lesson is in English so I had to translate it and tell it to the kids), like I said it was all God. Everything went well. God is amazing.
This next tri-mester will be a great time of growth. I am not sure what God is preparing me for, but I am going to make the most of every opportunity and glorfiy Him. He is my rock. His love and faithfulness always amazes me. He is so good.
Then I started to get hungry and realized it was getting late so I had to get ready and go get lunch (mamà usually makes lunch but something important came up today). I was planning on going downtown, but I didn't get ready in time so I settled on going to get some fast food. However, it turns out the closest place was closed and I ended up going to a restaurant. May I remind you I was by myself so this kind of freaked me out. I wasn't comfortable eating by myself, but then once I sat down and ordered it didn't seem that bad. I had brought my Bible and journal, and so I started journaling and eating lunch.
While I was eating lunch, I realized that I was actually enjoying being alone and eating out. I have never eaten in an actual restaurant by myself, I have eaten in fast food places by myself, but not a restaurant. I went to the movies by myself the other day and I do other things by myself, but eating out in a restaurant is not one of them until today. As I looked around the restaurant this thought occurred to me, "what if this was your life in another country forever, could you do this"? I smiled because I could honestly answer yes, I can do this.
I have a lot of fun going out alone (there are some moments that are not fun, but there are more good than bad moments) and it is great way to practice my Spanish, because I am more apt to speak Spanish on the streets when I am alone. If I mess up no one is there to see it and no one is watching me except the other person, who usually corrects me. I have also been having some good conversations with God while I am out and I love it. You can be alone without feeling lonely, God is always with us so we are never truly alone.
After lunch, I caught the bus to go to the school and then headed to Valle del Sol. Once I got in the car I knew something was wrong. Steve and I talked about some of the issues that have been taking place in Valle del Sol and in the church, where we hold our Saturday ministry for the kids. I have to admit I wanted to cry because there are so many issues in the Valle del Sol community and within the church that it breaks my heart. Well, our children's ministry was moved out of the church building because of the manipulation, pride, and selfishness of the "pastor" and owner of the building. I am not going to go into all the details, but if you could pray for her that would be great, and pray for the people within the church. The pastor deeply needs prayer, because there is a strong spiritual battle taking place in her life. It is hard for me to be upset with her because her struggles are so evident. I feel sorry for her.
Well, like I mentioned in a previous post we lost our main teacher because of some of the issues in church and the surrounding community. If you could still pray for Carla that would be great. I really want her to come back and so does everyone else, but her feelings have been deeply hurt by the pastor and others in the community. Not only have we lost our main teacher in the younger class, but today we showed up not knowing where we were going to hold all of the children.
God provided though and honestly I love our new building. It is a parking garage, without the cars, so the space is great. We had fewer children today because the pastor of the church decided to hold a party for the children in the community so that they wouldn't come (like I said before pray for her). However, the kids came. It was great seeing their smiling faces. I love those kids.
Since, Steve is leaving in a week to go to the USA to raise funds for the ministry I will be the lead teacher and student volunteer coordinator. I just found out I am teaching the class by myself until I find someone to help me. Please pray that someone, who is strong in their faith and loves kids, would come and help. Today, I led the class by myself, but really it was all God. I was amazed when I looked at the lesson and it was something I could actually explain in Spanish (the lesson is in English so I had to translate it and tell it to the kids), like I said it was all God. Everything went well. God is amazing.
This next tri-mester will be a great time of growth. I am not sure what God is preparing me for, but I am going to make the most of every opportunity and glorfiy Him. He is my rock. His love and faithfulness always amazes me. He is so good.
August 05, 2011
What a day....
Today was a strange, sort of blah, day for me. I was excited and kind of hyper this morning, but later in the afternoon I started to get homesick. I started to miss some of my friends back home and I started wishing they were here. Sometimes you just want that person sitting next to you, who knows you so well that you don't have to say a thing and yet they understand what your feeling. I wanted those people here today.
As I was getting ready to start crying God comforted me. That voice deep inside me said, "You need to go lay down and rest". I laid in bed and prayed until I fell asleep. Once I woke up I wasn't really happy, but I felt comfort in knowing I wasn't alone. God is with me, and so I decided to go out and explore. I had fun and God taught me some lessons along the way.
"Without weakness you wouldn't know strength or feel compassion". This is the phrase that stuck out to me. After I heard this I thought, "without the recognition of my own weakness, I can not fully know God's strength". It is in my weakness that I do many things: fear, doubt, complain, question etc. You see what am I without God, I am weak. Once you see your own weakness, you can begin to see that it is only by His strength, love, and grace that you can stand. His strength holds you up.
The recognition of my weakness and God's
strength and love allows me to feel a deep compassion for others. What does compassion do? Compassion moves us to action. It is a deep feeling that requires movement. I know what it feels like to be broken and I know how weak I am and how strong God is, this is why I can identify with those who are broken and feel weak. I know God loves them as much as He loves me.
One of my favorite quotes is, "I know what God has done in my life and if He can save someone like me, than He can save anyone" (Ms. Pearl). There is a woman who recognized her own weakness and God's strength, and the compassion that she feels for single moms has moved her into helping hundreds and hundreds of people.
As I was getting ready to start crying God comforted me. That voice deep inside me said, "You need to go lay down and rest". I laid in bed and prayed until I fell asleep. Once I woke up I wasn't really happy, but I felt comfort in knowing I wasn't alone. God is with me, and so I decided to go out and explore. I had fun and God taught me some lessons along the way.
"Without weakness you wouldn't know strength or feel compassion". This is the phrase that stuck out to me. After I heard this I thought, "without the recognition of my own weakness, I can not fully know God's strength". It is in my weakness that I do many things: fear, doubt, complain, question etc. You see what am I without God, I am weak. Once you see your own weakness, you can begin to see that it is only by His strength, love, and grace that you can stand. His strength holds you up.
The recognition of my weakness and God's
strength and love allows me to feel a deep compassion for others. What does compassion do? Compassion moves us to action. It is a deep feeling that requires movement. I know what it feels like to be broken and I know how weak I am and how strong God is, this is why I can identify with those who are broken and feel weak. I know God loves them as much as He loves me.
One of my favorite quotes is, "I know what God has done in my life and if He can save someone like me, than He can save anyone" (Ms. Pearl). There is a woman who recognized her own weakness and God's strength, and the compassion that she feels for single moms has moved her into helping hundreds and hundreds of people.
August 04, 2011
Thanks for the reminder.....
On our way home from the jazz concert and dinner, God reminded me that even though He is with me I still need to acknowledge the discernment He has given me, and listen to that voice deep down inside that tells me when something is not right. I have been gaining more confidence in going out, and I like it because it helps me to feel like I can do something by myself and just trust in God that everything will work out how He wants it. However, God reminded tonight that I do still need to be cautious when going out and use discernment, even though He is taking care of me.
God's blessed reminder came when I was debating walking a block by myself to go home. Two friends were walking with me and as we approached the corner, I got an uneasy feeling about a car on the side of the road, but I was going to ignore it and just cross to the other side of the street and walk home by myself. When a man then came running around the corner clutching a bag and yelling, "thieves " in English. Then two men came running around the corner and jumped inside the car on the side of the road. We, my friends, the man, and I, all started to run around the corner to the guard shack and my friends and I went to another friend's house who could walk us home. We all made it home safely.
All I have to say is thank you Lord for your persistence and protection, even though I ignored you the first time. Thank you for sending that man who spoke English running around the corner, who kept me from walking home by myself. Thank you for the reminder that you have given me this discernment for a reason, it is not only to recognize the bad from the good, but also to protect others and myself. Thank you for making me aware of the things around me and for each day making more self-aware.
That is something I was thinking about the other day. I feel like I am more aware of what goes on around me than I am self-aware. I feel like I understand more and see more in the lives of others than I can see in myself. God has been making me more self-aware and for what I don't know, but I know it is good and necessary.
All in all tonight was a blessed ending to a wonderful night. I spent the evening with friends downtown at a jazz concert and then went out to dinner, where I had one of the best meals since my arrival in Costa Rica. I got to laugh a lot and I had fun relaxing with friends.
God's blessed reminder came when I was debating walking a block by myself to go home. Two friends were walking with me and as we approached the corner, I got an uneasy feeling about a car on the side of the road, but I was going to ignore it and just cross to the other side of the street and walk home by myself. When a man then came running around the corner clutching a bag and yelling, "thieves " in English. Then two men came running around the corner and jumped inside the car on the side of the road. We, my friends, the man, and I, all started to run around the corner to the guard shack and my friends and I went to another friend's house who could walk us home. We all made it home safely.
All I have to say is thank you Lord for your persistence and protection, even though I ignored you the first time. Thank you for sending that man who spoke English running around the corner, who kept me from walking home by myself. Thank you for the reminder that you have given me this discernment for a reason, it is not only to recognize the bad from the good, but also to protect others and myself. Thank you for making me aware of the things around me and for each day making more self-aware.
That is something I was thinking about the other day. I feel like I am more aware of what goes on around me than I am self-aware. I feel like I understand more and see more in the lives of others than I can see in myself. God has been making me more self-aware and for what I don't know, but I know it is good and necessary.
All in all tonight was a blessed ending to a wonderful night. I spent the evening with friends downtown at a jazz concert and then went out to dinner, where I had one of the best meals since my arrival in Costa Rica. I got to laugh a lot and I had fun relaxing with friends.
August 03, 2011
Nothing...
I don't take these postings lightly so I won't be writing tonight. I have spent the past 2 hours praying and thinking about what to write but, seriously nothing is coming to mind.
August 02, 2011
Can't you see that's just raining...you got to wake up slow
This morning, I had a lot of things that I had to get done so I hurried out of bed and went to the store early this morning (which was closed so I went to bakery). On my way home, as I walked on the deserted roads I started to wonder why I had been in such a hurry so I slowed down. I walked a little bit slower and looked at everything around me. It then occurred to me that I have not watched a single sunset since I have been in San Jose (I did at the beach but not in the city). As I turned the corner to head down my road, I just stopped and stared at the beautiful sunrise. I stared at the mountains and was just in awe of God.
Since I have been in Costa Rica that is one thing that I have been learning, to slow down. It has taken some getting use to, but now I am not just getting use to it I am actually starting to enjoy it. I don't need to be hurry, it is not like more time is going to be added to my day if I do. I still have 16 (waking) hours just like I did yesterday. The thing that matters most is what I am doing with the time that I have been given. What if your day was not considered "productive" by how much you got done, but by how you spent your time with God and others.
If loving God and loving others is the two greatest commandments then how do they affect your life? There is a saying that goes something like this, "if you want to see what a man values most just look at where he spends his money and time". Where do you spend your time?
Since I have been in Costa Rica that is one thing that I have been learning, to slow down. It has taken some getting use to, but now I am not just getting use to it I am actually starting to enjoy it. I don't need to be hurry, it is not like more time is going to be added to my day if I do. I still have 16 (waking) hours just like I did yesterday. The thing that matters most is what I am doing with the time that I have been given. What if your day was not considered "productive" by how much you got done, but by how you spent your time with God and others.
If loving God and loving others is the two greatest commandments then how do they affect your life? There is a saying that goes something like this, "if you want to see what a man values most just look at where he spends his money and time". Where do you spend your time?
August 01, 2011
Leviticus: Be Holy
I have been studying Moses for quite sometime now and I find myself currently in Leviticus. This is not a book that I hear about very often. The first memory I have of this book is from when I was in youth group in High School, and the small group leader made a joke about studying the book of Leviticus. Leviticus is not a book of the Bible that many Christian choose to read or study. However, like I said before everything in the Bible is there for a reason and I know that, ¨all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work,¨ so since I believe this to be true I wanted to continue following Moses through this book (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
At first when I started reading, I thought, ¨wow God, you are really detailed in how you wanted everything done. Did it really mean that much to you, to have Aaron sprinkle the altar with blood four times instead of three¨? Then when I read about Aaron´s sons Nadab and Abihu being consumed by the fire of the Lord and dying because they offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, I got my answer (Leviticus 10). Okay God, it really does matter that much to you.
You see when reading this book what I failed to see is that everything matters to God. God was teaching His children about obedience and surrendering everything over to Him. It mattered to Him what they ate, how they offered their sacrifices, and how the acted, because these people represented His chosen people, His children, to the rest of the world.
I know this lesson still rings true for today, ¨be holy, because I am Holy¨. The same God who brought the Isrealites out of Egypt desires to be in a relationship with me and I desire to be in a relationship with Him. Everything I do and say matters to Him and He wants nothing more than for me to love Him and love others. My life to others should look different to the rest of the world, just as the Isrealites lives looked different to the world in their time. Although, my life looks different from the Isrealites lives the obedience that the Lord desires from me is not any different. I don´t have to make animal sacrifices because Jesus has paid my debt in full. However, I do need to live a life worthy of my Lord and flee from sin.
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