It's been a while...

I have been enjoying spending time with family and friends. I have really loved being able to relax and just go with the flow of each day. Since I have been home, I haven't made any detailed plans (yes I know when some people are coming over to my house or when I may be going to visit someone but as to what we will do or what will happen that is always a mystery). I have loved not having a daily routine, there are things that I do throughout the day to bring in some sense of normalcy, but pretty much every day has been a surprise.

Since I have been home I have felt like God is trying to teach me something. I am not sure what this something is so I have been trying to sit to down and analyze things that He has been bringing to mind. I have started reading "Extrordinary Faith" by Sheila Walsh, but then I decided to put it down and wait til I get back to Costa Rica so that my friend Emily and I can read it together and discuss it. Now I have started reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and watching the video sessions that go along with the small group curriculum. I am not sure what will come out of this reading or what I am suppose to be focusing on. However, God has been bringing relationships (and the different aspects of relationships) to my mind a lot lately. I am not sure what He is doing in this area of relationships, so I have just been trying to follow where I feel the Spirit is leading me. I hope to expand on this idea on relationships more later, but for now let me share something that has been on my heart today.

I know I have been gone for a while and that since I graduated college 2 years ago my friends have been moving around the country and that things have been changing in their lives. We have all been going through a period of transition, but that doesn't make this time any easier for any of us. I have been aware of these changes in my own life and in the lives of my friends, but today all of it really hit me pretty hard. I can't be here to comfort my friends when they are hurting and I can't be here to encourage them when they need it most. That is hard for me, especially when I can relate to their pain and I know how hard the road ahead of them is going to be. It hurts me to see the pain on my friends' faces especially when I know that they feel alone, I want with all my heart to say that I will be there for them now and in the future, but honestly I don't know if I will. I can't put exactly what I want to say into words so I am going to write out my prayer for them tonight...

God I have no doubt that I am where you want me to be in life. Even with all of the transitioning that is taking place around me you have given me this sense of peace. I know it has taken a while for me to get to this point, but I pray that my friends could feel this peace as well. I know that you know their hearts better than I do so God I know that you know how much they love you and desire a relationship with you. Please cover them in your grace and fill their lives with your joy and peace as they continue to live out their lives in obedience to you. God I am not sure why you do some of the things that you do or why you allow certain things to happen, but I do know that your ways are good. I pray that during their times of trails that they would turn to you. God open their hearts also to others so that they may live in community with other believers. Please bless my friends with more friends, widen their home teams Lord so that in their times of need that they might be encouraged by the faith and actions of others. May they find comfort in your Word and seek you with all of their hearts. God give them the strength to move when you say go and the strength to stay when you say stay. May their hearts never been hardened. I pray that in all circumstances Lord that they would learn to give thanks and I pray that even in the midst of their darkest moments that they would be able to find even the tiniest glimmer of light and hope. God your timing is perfect. You are good. I know you won't give them anything that they can't handle, so God in those moments where they feel broken and alone please lift them up and help them to see you. Open their eyes to see and their ears to hear. May their hearts always seek yours. I love them Lord, but I know you love them more so I lift their lives up to you. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of their lives and thank you for the memories that we share and continue to make no matter how far the distance may be between us. God I pray all of these things in your name, Amen.

Home Sweet Home...

I have made it home! The past few days have been a whirlwind of events, but it has been wonderful. What have I loved the most about being home? Actually being in my home. I have loved seeing my home fill with laughter of friends and family. I have loved sitting on the floor in the living-room writing thank you notes and reading. I have loved curling up on the couch in a blanket in front of the Christmas and smelling my mom's cooking and baking drifting in from the kitchen. However, I have also enjoyed the lunch dates, coffee dates, and living-room conversations that I have had with friends and family. I have really enjoyed catching up on their lives and meeting some of my new family members!

Seeing and hearing about all of the changes that have taken place since I have been gone I think has been one of the hardest things. Also, hearing English 24/7 has been an adjustment and I will be honest the U.S.American Culture is not one of my favorites so adjusting back into the culture is going to take some time (Now that I think about I don't really have a favorite culture, but you get the idea). On a lighter note, I actually drove the other day which was really strange for me and as much as I don't like driving, I really enjoyed the freedom that comes from driving and having a car. I have really enjoyed the open cornfields and being able to look out and see for miles and miles. Another thing that I am trying to adjust to is the climate. It is so cold here! It has yet to snow since I have been home, but I did get to go out in my grandma's backyard and touch some of the snow from a week ago. Ever since I arrived in North Carolina, I have been freezing but I have been bundling up and trying to avoid catching a cold. I don't want to be sick while I am home.

Today my best friend Emily comes into town! To say I am excited is an understatement. I love that girl and I can't wait to see her. Six o'clock can't come soon enough! Once she arrives we are going to spend the weekend together and we are going to start visiting and meeting up with some of our friends. My first week home I dedicated to mostly my family, but this week I am going to spend time with my friends. However, this weekend is going to be dedicated to Ms. Emily Gillis. 8 hours and 30 minutes until she arrives!

Reflection from Second Tri....

I don't think that it has completely hit me that later on today I will be getting on a plane and going home for Christmas. It still feels like on Monday I am going to get up and go to school like normal and everyone is going to be there. However, reality tells me that is not the case. I have spent the past few days saying goodbye to friends, well more like see you later or as a friend of mine said, "see you in Heaven". She meant for that to be a comforting thought and in many ways it is, but I would still like to see her in person before then, God willing, but thank God for the internet so that we can still talk to one another and see each other.

First tri-mester, some friendships formed and this tri-mester those relationships have been allowed to bloom. However, new friendships have also blossomed. I have had the privilege of getting to know some pretty incredible godly women. I have loved getting to know these women and building relationships with them and sharing with them. Those who will be leaving will be greatly missed but I know that God is going to do amazing things through them. I have been able to get to know them and their hearts for the Lord, and it makes my heart glad to know that these girls are going out into the world and will be able to be shining examples of God's love.

You know, I liked my first tri-mester here, but there is something special about this tri-mester...I not only liked my second tri-mester, but I loved it. At the beginning of this tri this is not something I would have expected to say. At the beginning of this tri-mester, I was not in a good place. My first tri-mester was rough, but this tri-mester was much harder for me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. God really did an overhaul in my heart and mind. All of the hardship, tears, and pain that are in this tri-mester have been completely covered by God's love and grace. He has had made the dark areas of my heart light and and all of the baggage that I have carried around for most of my life is no longer in my hands, Christ has taken it all.

This tri-mester, I have grown in my understanding and knowledge of the Lord. If I had to sum up this tri-mester in one word it would be: maturity (to bring to full development or perfected condition). This is what God has been doing in my relationship with Him. Piece by piece, thought by thought God was revealing to me the things that needed to change and that needed to be surrendered over to Him. He has shown me how I need to respond in situations and how I can glorify Him with my life through my thoughts and actions. God has been bringing me into maturity in Him. This has been a hard process but a necessary one. I can't even begin to describe the joy and peace that is in my heart. God is so good.

Thank you Lord for loving me enough to die for me and for transforming me. Thank you Lord for sending your Son. Thank you for coffee shops, restaurants, beaches, and bathroom floors. All of which have wonderful memories of great conversations with you and about you. Thank you for meeting me in those places and revealing yourself to me. Thank you Lord for covering me with your grace and love. Thank you Lord for blessing me with wonderful friends and teachers. May you make their paths straight as they continue to submit to you and lean on you. God bless them during their times of transitions. I pray that you would meet them during their times of grieving and difficulties and comfort them. May they feel your peace and find rest in you. Lord you are sovereign and good. I pray all of these things in your precious name, Amen.

Last day of School...

A reflection will follow soon, but I wanted to let all of you know that today was my last day of language school for 2011. Please be praying for all of the students who will be graduating tomorrow.

Thoughts on Change...

Last night, I was reading about the difference between courage and cowardice, and what it means to be courageous. I have been learning a lot about courage this tri-mester and I have to admit that I have not been very courageous. I often flee from things that stir up hard emotions for me and I often fear, both of those things do not show a life marked by courage. The Spirit has really been working on me in this area and transforming me. Well, as I went to bed last night I have to say I felt pretty good and content as I reflected on this past tri-mester and as I thought about the transformation that has been taking place in my life and how God has been at work. Then this morning, it was brought to my attention that there are some thoughts and emotions that I have been intentionally fleeing from instead of confronting them and bringing them before God. Needless to say I am a work in progress.

What thoughts and emotions have I been fleeing from? My thoughts about the change that is and will be taking place at school, in relationships, over Christmas, and in the future. My emotions of sadness, joy, and loss. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a fan of change. To be completely honest I don't like change, but I am learning to appreciate it and see the divine beauty of it. Let me expand on this a bit.

As I went for a walk today I did what I normally do when I not sure how to put into words what I am feeling so I just ramble in prayer to God. I lay everything out before Him and then somewhere in my ramblings God slows me down. It is like, once I get everything out that is on my heart God is like, "Okay now just listen to me, my child, and think about what you just said". As I walked I prayed about everything that is in my heart concerning the changes coming up and I cried, something that I have not allowed myself to do until now. I have been intentionally trying to keep myself busy and distracted in order to not dwell on the changes that are and will be taking place.

Then as I continued to walk, God helped me to see His beauty and blessings in the changes. Change allows room for transformation, my life is living testimony to this. The beauty of change is that God makes everything new with every new change. He is faithful and sovereign. Change also allows room for growth and maturity in God. Change opens doors for new lessons to be learned and can help deepen our understanding of the Lord and His creation. Change is not something that should be feared but embraced.

This is not to say that change does not also bring about some sense of loss and sadness, but in that sadness you can also find peace and contentment in the Lord, because you know that He is in control over all things.

Sharing is caring...

So let me now add sharing to the list of things that I have been learning about. Over the past few months, I have been learning a lot about the importance of sharing. Now I know that this seems like an elementary topic, but I am not talking about sharing toys or material objects. I am talking about sharing your life, this includes: your sorrows, your struggles, your love, your joy, your faith, etc. Why is it so hard to share some of these things with others?

I know why it has been hard for me to share because I have had a fear of people. I believe if we looked at everyone's answers to the question above all of our answers would be connected by the same word...fear. We all have or have had this fear of people to some degree. I have been learning about how to overcome this fear by placing my fear in the Lord and believing in His sovereignty.

Since, I started on this journey to overcoming my fear of people I have been trying to open myself up more and more to people. I have purposefully been placing myself in some uncomfortable positions in order to be stretched and rely on God's strength. I have talked to people that normally I wouldn't talk to and I have shared bits and pieces of my life that normally I wouldn't share. This has not been an easy process, but I am starting to see everything coming together. I am starting to see the importance of sharing your life with others and being transparent.

There is something beautiful that takes place when you share your life with someone else. I have felt so encouraged by some people that I have shared with recently and God has used them to encourage me to keep on sharing. By sharing my life with others, I am opening myself up to them and being transparent. I am also being obedient to God by trying to live out 2 Corinthians 13:11, "Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace". There is always the risk of rejection, but that is a risk I am willing to take because I know that God is in control over all things and that my identity is in Him.

You never know what might come out of simply saying hi, smiling, or stopping to talk. There is one conversation that I will never forget from high school...a few days before graduation a girl walked up to me and said, "Chelsea, I just want to say thank you for always saying hi and waving at me in the hallway". I wasn't sure why she was thanking me so I smiled and said, "Your welcome, but everyone says hi in the hallway". Her next response shocked me, "No they don't. You are the only one who did". You never know what is going on in someone's life so slow down, and take some time to share with one another and build one another up in the Lord.

Coming back from the beach...

I absolutely love swimming and being in the water. Ever since I was a small child, I have always loved swimming and spending time in the pool. However, now that I have been blessed with the opportunity to travel outside of the flat lands of Illinois I have fallen in love with the beach. There is just something about being tossed about by the waves and seeing the beauty of ocean, sand, and palm trees that is just so surreal. I can't look at a beach and not think about God and His power and love for us. Thank you God.


Something else that I have discovered that I love is hammocks. Oh my word, I absolutely love laying in a hammock. It doesn't even have to be at a beach. I just love the way that you sink into them and can read for hours. Somewhere in my future home there will be a hammock.

Those are some things that I have discovered that I love but let me share with you some more things that I have learned. These are some lessons and things that God has been teaching me over the past several months (in no particular order):

• You must laugh at yourself every now and then, don't miss out on the funny side of life. It is good to laugh. The fact that God created us all with different laughs is incredible, use your laughter to make others laugh.

• Don't be so task-oriented that you miss being in the moment with the people around you. I am learning to be more people-oriented. It is easy for me to focus on a task and ignore the people around me. Being task-oriented isn't a bad thing, but it is when you don't take into consideration other people and when you start missing out on an opportunity for fellowship.

• Your relationship with the Lord is what matters most, because it is out of that relationship that everything else flows: your love for others, your choice of words, forgiveness, grace, kindness, etc. The list could go on and on. Cling to the Lord and dwell on His Word. 

• It is important to have a holy fear of God. It is easy for us as humans to place our fear in many things: people, the future, finances, etc. When we put our fear in God what else do we have to fear? nothing. God is sovereign and in control. Develop a holy fear of God.

• Appreciate life. Don't take life for granted. Even in the darkest of moments there is light, you might just need someone else to help you see it. Each day is a gift from God, a gift of grace and love. 

• Embrace trails, don't runaway from them no matter how hard or painful they might be. God sees your struggles and knows what you need before you ask, just stick with it. God is in control. Look to Him for guidance and strength. He knows your struggling. Everyone goes through times of trials, you are not alone. Remain in the Lord. 

• Open yourself up to others. Share your hardships and burdens with others and live in community. If someone offers to help take it, if no one offers ask for it. We all need some help sometimes. Don't be too proud, stubborn, or afraid to open yourself up to others. Always show and give love, grace, and forgiveness to others.

• Sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do. That is just a fact of life. You have to take into consideration other people and first and foremost you have to be obedient to God. I don't always feel like being obedient, but I must be an example of Christ and I am not going to do that by doing only what I feel like doing.  

• There is a time and place to say, "no". Be careful not to get burned out and take time to rest. Rest not only physically but also mentally and spiritually. Rest in the Lord and lean on His understanding.

Those are just a few things that God has been teaching me.

Happy Thanksgiving...

Thankful list 

(This list is not in order or complete, this is a compact list of a few things for today.)

1. I am thankful for cellphones, even though 90% of the time I don't like them and get annoyed by them. I got to talk to my mom and dad today for the first time via cellphone in a long long long time.  I forgot what it will be like to live at home and just be able to call the ones that I love and miss any time I want. I have to admit hearing my parents' voice and calling them brought tears to my eyes. I also received a very sweet unexpected message on my cellphone from my best friend, again tears of happiness filled my eyes.

2. I am thankful for friends who bring laughter, food, coffee, and tears of happiness into my life. :) I am also very thankful for their friendship and for allowing me to be apart of their lives.

3. I am thankful for trials. Over the past few weeks, I have been able to see how God has been weaving a common theme and lesson into my life. I have also been able to see how He has allowed some trials into my life in order that I may mature in my walk with Him.

4. I am grateful for the transformation that God has done not only in my life but also in the lives of others. I am so thankful for His great love and sacrifice for us.

5. I am thankful for a warm bed to climb into every night and for the food that God provides for me every day.

6. I am thankful for being able to be a part of the ministry at Valle del Sol.

7. I am thankful for children, no matter their age. 

8. I am thankful for people who use their hands and feet to help others, no matter how big or how small the need might be. 

Today is the Day...

Today has been a wonderful day, thank you Lord. Today was my day of rest. Some people might say that my day was not a day of rest because I spent most of my afternoon at the children's ministry, but being apart of the ministry at Valle Del Sol is a joy and a blessing. The joy and happiness that the Lord fills my heart with when I am with those kiddos is incredible. Seeing their smiling faces is the best part of my week. My favorite part of today was watching them pray. All I had to say was lets close our eyes and pray, then automatically all of the children folded their hands and closed their eyes and repeated the prayer. I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. Then later on when the children were coloring and the older classroom was in the same room doing their lesson, Horacio (the teacher for the older kids) started asking questions about the Bible and the kids in my class over heard and started yelling out the answers they knew (oh that made my heart and soul so glad).

The Lord provided us with a creation lesson today. Yesterday evening, I realized that I forgot to copy the coloring pages for the lesson so it looked like we weren't going to have a normal lesson this week. Then last night while I was organizing the mess of papers on my desk that I have kept shifting from place to place I found a folder full of lessons, thanks mama. Now not only did we have a lesson today, but we also have lessons for the next 4 weeks! Thank you Lord.

Now that would have been more than enough to make for a wonderful day, but God didn't stop there. I have felt all day this sense of peace and contentment that I haven't felt in a long time and it has been great. Thank you Lord.

These are the verses that have been on my heart and mind this week:

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." 
- Philippians 4:4-9

A Small Portion of my Upcoming Newsletter

As many of you know through my blog, I have had many struggles since my arrival in Costa Rica. My time here has not been a “walk in the park,” but I would not have it any other way. Through my trials and struggles, I have learned so much about God, life, fear, the importance of the mind and discipline, others, and myself. In these past 8 months I have matured a lot in my walk with the Lord, and it has been an incredible journey. He has had to break me down piece by piece in order to lift me up with His mighty hand. I am completely blown away by His love and grace.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame,”- Romans 5:1-5a (NIV)

Oh where to begin...
Thank you Lord so much for this past week. Thank you for everything, the good, the ugly, the silly, the sadness, the great views and conversations, and the laughter. Thank you, Lord.

This past week was an exceptionally great week, glory be to God. I will be honest there were times this week when I just did not feel like I had the mental or emotional strength to get through and God continually lifted me up. Some of the repeating words in my head kept going back towards the truth found in these verses.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:6-7

I do not hold God up. He holds me up with His righteous hand, and I am learning to fall and rest in His arms. Falling is something that I am quite good at but I know that there is always someone there to break my fall. I never truly hit rock bottom even though some times it feels like it. God is always there. Many times I feel like I am a child who is flailing about in the arms of their Father and all God wants me to do is relax and rest in Him. He wants me to stop trying to figure everything out and stop analyzing every little thing in life and just trust in Him and His will. I need to stop trying to be good enough and realize that He made me good and that His love and grace is enough.

Today was good...

Well, every day that the Lord has made is good. I wanted to share something that jumped out to me in my reading today...

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 

-Romans 12:9-13

So last week was not my favorite, I know I wrote a previous post that slightly mentioned my feelings of not feeling good enough. This is something that I have been bringing before God and praying about this past week. Today all of those built-up emotions spilled out in a not so attractive way. I just needed to cry, pray, and dwell on God's word.

During my time of prayer, I reminded myself of God and His truth and promises. I laid out all of my questions before Him and then quickly realized that I was not in the position to be questioning God. What right does the creation have to question the Creator? (Romans 9:21). So then I talked with God about the "chiseling" process that has been taking place with my heart and mind, and how I feel that everything has been broken apart and I have nothing else to offer. We also talked about how uncomfortable it is to lay exposed in front of others and how exposed I feel even to myself, and how uncomfortable I feel right now. My mind quickly went to Jesus which helped put into perspective my feelings of being uncomfortable with being exposed mentally and emotionally, because not only was Jesus exposed in both of those ways but also physically. I can't even imagine what Jesus must have felt. I then tried to stay focused on who I am in Christ and on who God is. I know that even though I am nothing, I am everything in Christ. Apart from Him I can do no good thing. I have been created to do good works in Christ. It is by His grace that I have been saved through faith. Those were just a few of the things that came to mind.

You see with all of this chiseling going on within my heart and mind, I am starting to see more of who I am and I don't always like what I see. God is teaching me some of the basic principles of faith all over again but in a deeper way. I talked with Him about how I didn't enjoy this because we have been through most of these things before, but I can't shake this feeling that He is preparing me for something, I just don't know what it is yet. My response then was, "okay Lord, whatever it is you are doing, just do it. You know everything and everything that I have held onto is gone so here I am. If there is anything else in my heart that needs to be removed just go ahead and remove it. There needs to be less of me and more of you".

That was a glimpse into my conversation with God so let's look now at the victories of today. Even though, today could look like a pretty crappy day considering I was in a bad mood most of the day, it is ending on a good note so I am going to look at the victories of today.

Victories

1. First reaction when I realized something wasn't right was to turn to God in prayer.
2. Recalled some Bible verses that I have been memorizing and studying.
3. Didn't have a panic attack.
4. Stayed in school all day and went to all of my classes. 
5. Talked with a sister-in-Christ about some of my feelings from the day and prayed.
6. Went to the afternoon chapel session.

Not by works...

"For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all of the earth." - Romans 9:15-17

"What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, who he prepared in advance for glory - even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles?" - Romans 9:23-24

"What then shall we say? That the Gentiles, who did not purse righteousness, have obtained it, a righteousness this is by faith; but Israel, who pursued a law of righteousness has not attained it. Why not? Because they pursued it not by faith but as if it were by works. They stumbled over the "stumbling stone". - Romans 9:30-32

"So too , at the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace. And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace". - Romans 11:5-6

"know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified." - Galatians 2:16

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:8-10

Reading Romans

I have been doing a lot of jumping around in my Bible lately and I think it is about time to start focusing my reading again on Romans. Last night before going to bed, I decided to start reading where I left off in Romans again only to find that the some of the verses that have been on my heart lately are all found in Romans 8. Go figure. Then this morning when I woke up and started checking my e-mail, I found this e-mail from a friend of mine who shares his weekly sermons online. Guess, where the verses are found for this week's sermon? You got it in Romans 8. Let me share with you what my friend, Eric Elder, wrote.

Knowing That God Is For You

Lesson 20 from Romans: Lessons In Renewing Your Mind

By Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

Last week, I talked about how God can work ALL things together for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.  This week, I want share why God works all things for your good.  It comes because, ultimately, God is FOR you.  And if God is FOR you, who can be against you?  That's the question the Apostle Paul asks at the end of Romans chapter 8:

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us” (Romans 8:31-34).

It's easy to wonder sometimes if God is really FOR you.  You lose your job and it makes you wonder what happened.  You get a horrible report from the doctor and you wonder what you did wrong.  You open an email from a friend to discover some news you wish you had never read and you wonder how God could be working in this, too.
Yet the truth is that God IS for you.  He loves you deeply and cares about your life more than you could possibly imagine.  He is as heartbroken about the things that break our hearts as we are, yet He has a perspective that is greater than ours.  He can see the good in situations that we can hardly grasp while we're going through it.  
Often it's only through hindsight that we can see what God saw in foresight.  That job loss wasn't the worst thing that happened to our career after all, but actually helped us leapfrog forward.  That bad report from the doctor turned out to deepen our faith rather than shatter it.  And that email from a friend brought situations to light that never could have been dealt with had they stayed in the dark.
If only we could have the foresight that God has, we would be able to weather the storms that come at us much better.  If we could see things as He sees them, our minds would be refreshed rather than distraught when seemingly bad news comes along.  Today, I'd like to give you a lens through which you can look at everything that comes your way, and see it in foresight rather than waiting till it's long past to see it in hindsight.  
The lens of life comes through looking at everything through the cross of Christ.  Rather than be tossed to and fro by the storms of your life that come along, God has settled that matter once and for all when He sent Jesus to die for your sins.  He didn't have to come along and rescue you, but He did.  God didn't wait until you were cleaned up and doing good for Him to send Jesus to die, but, as Paul said in Romans 5:8:

"While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

If this question is settled, why then do we still wonder if God loves us when things go wrong in our lives?  Why do we wonder why funds seem to have dried up, or job opportunities seem limited, or our health or relationships seem to be falling apart?  It's a natural feeling, I know, but it's not the truth.  If God loved you when you were still in the muck and mire of sin, why would he then abandon you when you're trying your hardest to follow Him?
My wife and I have felt this before.  After giving birth to three healthy children, my wife had a miscarriage.  It was a blow to us emotionally and personally.  Then she had a second miscarriage.  Then a third.  Then a fourth.  It was as if everything we were doing was falling apart.  Yet we felt like we were giving our all for the cause of Christ more than ever before.  It was natural to wonder what we were doing wrong.
Yet it was during a time of worship when my wife had a breakthrough.  She was listening to a Don Moen worship CD about the healing power of Jesus when she finally surrendered to whatever God's will was for her in this area of her life.  
She wasn't happy about the miscarriages, but she knew that all she could do was to trust Him completely.  She had asked herself all the important questions, trying to find out if there was anything she was doing to contribute to these miscarriages, but finding nothing, there was no more she could do but to trust in God.  She did, and God gave her the peace that passes understanding, that somehow, in some way, He would work all things for her good.
What happened next, we don't know, but she became pregnant again and this time she was able to carry the child to full term, giving birth to our fourth child.  Then came a fifth, and eventually a sixth.  Whether the turnaround in her heart and mind had anything to do with the turnaround in the situation, we still don't know.  But what we do know is that when she came to the end of herself and put her faith in Christ again, she regained the peace that God was indeed FOR her.  And regardless of what happened after that, she was going to be able to praise God.
I have felt the same in other areas of my life at times.  When I'm praying to God for funding for a special project, or just for our daily needs as we minister to others, it sometimes feels like pulling teeth.  Like I'm begging God to do something for me that I know He doesn't have to do, but that I wish He would do for our sake and the sake of those we're trying to reach through our ministry.
Then I think about what God has already done for me through Christ, and it's like I put on a whole new set of glasses and can finally see what God is wanting me to see.  Rather than wondering what I'm doing wrong, I start to see things from God's perspective.  I start to see that there's nothing that God would withhold from me, if He thought it was for my good.  As Paul said:

"If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:31-32).

I sometimes think I'm asking God for too much when I ask for money—whether it's ten dollars, or a hundred, or a thousand.  But then I remember what He's already done for me.  If someone were to give you ten dollars, or a hundred, or a thousand, they'd be giving up a lot for you.  What if they gave you ten thousand, or ten million, then they'd really be paying a price.  
But what about someone who's gone to war for you, and lost an arm or a leg for you, so you could be free?  If someone gave up their arm for you, that's way more than ten million dollars.  Now imagine if they gave up their life for you.  What price could you put on that?  And then, to take it a step further, they not only were willing to give their life for you, but their most cherished possession, their child, so that you could live?  Now we're talking priceless to the n-th degree.  And that's what God has done for us by sending Jesus to die for us.  And we're worried that God doesn't love us because He doesn't give us ten bucks?  Or ten thousand?  Or ten million?
The truth is, there's nothing God wouldn't do for you.  He loves you, and He is, overwhelmingly, FOR you.  He wants to work all things for good in your life because He created you.  He has a purpose for your life.  And He wants to see you fulfill that purpose.  
Don't ever think that because you don't get what you want, when you want it, that God doesn't love you.  It's a lie.  There may be other reasons involved, and their may be things that God wants you to change, or redirect, or pray differently about.  But it's not because He doesn't love you.  He's already proven that point beyond arguing.  And when you look at what's going on in your present situation through the lens of what He's done for you in the past, you'll see it clearly too.  You'll have the foresight that most people only get in hindsight.  Your mind will be fixed on the good that God is doing and wants to do through you, rather than the bad that may seem to be engulfing you.  This isn't just positive thinking.  This is godly thinking.  This is looking at life as God sees it—the God who created you and the whole universe that you inhabit.  
Once you see that God is for you, you'll become convinced, like the Apostle Paul was, that there is nothing else in life that can separate you from His love.  Nothing!  As Paul said in the conclusion of chapter 8:

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:37-39).

What can separate you from the love of God?  It's the same answer to today's riddle:  Nothing!
God loves you and would do anything for you.  He's already demonstrated that.  Now your role is to believe it and live it out in spite of whatever you might be facing today.  Remember:  God is FOR you!

Walking Home...

Everything is going to be okay, but that is not because you are an optimist or because of anything you do. Everything is going to be okay because I am in control. I am God.

Those are the words that came into my head tonight as I walked home from an incredible day. As I walked I took a deep breath, more like a sigh of relief, and began thanking God for all of His many blessings. I have been stressed this week and today I have been having this feeling of just not being good enough. As I prayed God reminded me of who He is. I have been more than blessed, and that is not because I am good enough, smart enough, or liked enough. I have been blessed not because of anything that I have done or deserved. God out of His goodness, grace, and faithfulness, out of who He is has given me more than enough. He always has and He always will.

The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we also are His children.'

Acts 17:24-28

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:25-33

Fear

Fearing God. This is what I have been learning about for the past week. I started focusing on God's character/attributes in order to get a better picture of who God is. I wanted to get a better of who God is in order to fully understand why I should have a holy fear of God.

Psalm 25:12-14
Who is the man who fears the LORD?
He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
His soul will abide in prosperity,
And his descendants will inherit the land.
The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him, 
And He will make them know His covenant.

Psalm 33:6-9
By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,
And by the breath of His mouth all their host.
He gathers the waters of the sea together as a heap;
He lays up the deeps in storehouses.
Let all the earth fear the LORD;
Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him.
For He spoke, and it was done;
He commanded, and it stood fast.


God has the power to do anything He pleases. He has authority over all things including us for we are apart of His creation. He lifts us up in our time of need and because of His grace and mercy we can be called children of God. Not only are we His children but we are also His friends. What a privilege that is. We have to be careful though not to downsize who God is, even though we are His children and His friends...we are also His slaves, but thank God that we serve a good and loving Master, who causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him (Rom. 8:28).

Having a healthy fear of God is a good thing. A healthy and holy fear of God is good and beneficial as we see in Psalm 25:12-14. God promises good to those who fear Him (Psalm 31:19-20). Really, how can you not fear God when you see His power and holiness (Psalm 33:6-9)? For I know that I am unworthy and it is only through Christ that I stand, it is only in Christ that I can be called a child of God. In knowing this and seeing my own weaknesses, I fear the Lord, but out of His love, grace, and mercy He comforts me with His Spirit. I fear the Lord because He alone is holy. Out of this fear of the Lord, I can also find rest and peace. For if I fear the Lord alone, who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and always present, then what else do I have to fear (Psalm 27:1-3)? Nothing.

Psalm 31:19-20
How abundant are the good things
   that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
   on those who take refuge in you.
In the shelter of your presence you hide them
   from all human intrigues;
you keep them safe in your dwelling
   from accusing tongues.

Psalm 27:1-3
The LORD is my light and my salvation—
   whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
   of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked advance against me
   to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
   who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
   my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
   even then I will be confident. 

The Lord is...
Faithful
Good
Holy
All-knowing
All-powerful
Unchangeable
Always present
Creator
Sovereign
King of kings and Lord of lords
Trustworthy
Love
Righteous
Savior
Redeemer
Pure
True
Majestic
Warrior
Peace
Friend
Sustainer
Great
Gracious
Merciful
Judge
Patient
Compassionate
Perfect
Master

For the past week or so, I have been dwelling on the characteristics/attributes of God, it has been amazing. He is amazing. I have also realized that my perspective on God has got to change.

I tend to sometimes "dumb-down" God in my head because the god in my head does not always look like the one true God. The god in my head I can control and has limits, and the more I see God for who He is the more I realize that the god in my head does not always reflect the one true God. Needless to say my living does not always reflect the one true God, for how can I reflect God if I do not have a correct perspective on who God is.

Our perspectives on God matters, because our actions and how we live day to day matter. Our daily living should reflect the one true God, but in order to do that we need to put into perspective who God is. We need to get rid of the god in our minds and focus on the one true God.

The Marks of Immaturity, and How to Keep Growing

I recently found this blog post by John MacArthur and I loved it. As some of you know, God has been teaching me about the importance of spiritual maturity so I wanted to share with you a post about this topic.

The Marks of Immaturity, and How to Keep Growing (link)
 By: John MacArthur  
 
Selfishness is one telltale sign of immaturity. Babies are completely self-centered. They scream if they don't get what they want when they want it. All they are aware of are their own needs and desires. They never say thanks for anything. They can't help others; they can't give anything. They can only receive.


And certainly there's nothing wrong with that when it occurs in the natural stage of infancy. But to see a child whose development is arrested so that he never gets beyond that stage of helpless selfishness—that is a tragedy.

And that is exactly the spiritual state of multitudes in the church today. They are utterly preoccupied with self. They want their own problems solved and their own comfort elevated. Their spiritual development is arrested, and they remain in a perpetual state of selfish helplessness. It is evidence of a tragic abnormality.

Arrested infancy, in turn, results in a lack of discernment. Just as a baby crawls along the floor, putting anything it finds in its mouth, spiritual babies don't know what is good for them and what isn't. Immaturity and failure to be discerning go together; they are virtually the same thing.

The tendency to stall in a state of immaturity also existed in New Testament times. Paul appealed to Christians repeatedly to grow up spiritually. In Ephesians 4:14-15, he wrote, “We are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves, and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ” (emphasis added).

How do we grow spiritually? By “speaking the truth in love” to one another. We grow under the truth. It is the same truth by which we are sanctified, conformed to the image of Christ, made to be mature spiritually (John 17:17, 19). As we absorb the truth of God’s Word, we grow up and are built up. We might say accurately that the process of spiritual growth is a process of training for discernment.

Hebrews 5:12—6:1 underscores all this:

Though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity.

The writer of Hebrews was telling his readers, “You're babies. You've been around long enough to be teachers, but instead I have to feed you milk. I have to keep giving you elementary things. You can't take solid food. You're not accustomed to the rich things of the Word—and that is tragic.”

Notice that in verse 14 he says discernment and maturity go hand in hand: “solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.” Knowing and understanding the Word of righteousness—taking in solid food—trains your senses to discern good and evil.

The word “senses” in that verse is not a reference to the feelings, emotions, or other subjective sensory mechanisms. The writer of this epistle is explicitly encouraging his readers to exercise their minds. Those who “because of practice have their senses trained to discern” are the wise, the understanding, people who thrive on the solid food of the Word of God. As we have seen from the beginning, discernment results from a carefully disciplined mind. Discernment is not a matter of feelings, nor is it a mystical gift. Notice from the wisdom literature of the Old Testament how closely discernment is linked with a seasoned, developed, biblically informed mind.

• Psalm 119:66: “Teach me good discernment and knowledge, for I believe in Thy commandments.”

• Proverbs 2:2-5: “Make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding; for if you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding; if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will discern the fear of the Lord, and discover the knowledge of God.”

• Proverbs 10:13: “On the lips of the discerning, wisdom is found.”

• Proverbs 16:21: “The wise in heart will be called discerning.”

The path to discernment is the way of spiritual maturity. And the only means to spiritual maturity is mastery of the Word of God.

Most people are discerning about things that are important to them. People who regard a healthy diet as crucial watch carefully what they eat. They read the fine print on the package to see how many grams of fat it has and what percentage of the daily required nutrients it offers.

People who work with pesticides or dangerous chemicals must be very discerning. They study the procedures and the precautions very carefully to avoid any potentially lethal exposure.

People who make investments in the stock market usually practice discernment. They study the cryptic listings in the newspaper on the stock market and watch the ticker tape.

Lawyers are very discerning with contracts. They have to figure out the legal jargon and make sure they understand what they are signing.

People who undergo delicate surgery are usually very discerning. They try to find the doctor with the finest skills—or at least verify that he has plenty of experience in whatever procedure he will be doing.

I know lots of people who are very discerning sports enthusiasts. They watch a football game and can assess any offense, any defense, any play. They often feel they are more discerning than whoever is calling the actual plays. They study statistics and averages and take it all very seriously.

Did you realize those are essentially the same skills that are required in spiritual discernment? Careful thought, keen interest, thorough analysis, close observation—together with alertness, attentiveness, thoughtfulness, and above all, a love of truth. All of us have those skills to some degree, and we use them in whatever field of endeavor is important to us.

Yet what could be more important than spiritual discernment?

There is no valid explanation for why contemporary Christians are so undiscerning—but it reveals a spiritual apathy that is deadly evil.

Can the church regain her ability to be discerning? Only by growing up spiritually. That means confronting the spirit of a relativistic age and diligently applying ourselves to the unfailing Word of God. We cannot gain discernment overnight, or through a mystical experience. Understanding the problem is not the answer. Discernment will come only as we train our minds to be understanding in the truth of God’s Word and learn to apply that truth skillfully to our lives.

*The link to the original post can be found by clicking on the title. (October 26, 2011)

Divorce...My Letter to A Friend

This blog/letter goes out to one of my dear friends. Thank you for being such a great friend. May God comfort you in your time of need and lift you up.

As you know, my parents were separated before I was born and when I was 2 years old my mother remarried. Even though, my parents were separated before I was born and I have blessed with a wonderful "step-dad" ( I don't like that word because he has never been a step-dad in my eyes). With that said, even though I have been blessed with a wonderful family I still had to deal with the effects of my parents' divorce. I still had to deal with awkward family visits and all of those crazy emotions that go along with that.

Over the years, I have had to deal with my feelings of abandonment and rejection. I know this might sound crazy, but I have even had to deal with guilt from my parents' divorce. I didn't feel guilty about the actual divorce, but in some ways I did feel guilty for the pain that followed. For many years, I struggled with finding my place among my family members. Then when things got too hard, I tried to isolate myself from one of my parents and some of my family and that didn't work out so well (I wouldn't recommend it). I struggled a lot with forgiveness and even to this day there are times when I still struggle with this. I have to continually be bringing my negative emotions and thoughts before God and repenting of my sin and forgiving my dad for his.

After a divorce, things become difficult. Life becomes more difficult. I wish I could say that some day your life will feel "normal" again, but it never will. Your life is forever changed. Your relationship with your parents is forever changed. You will feel hurt, betrayed, and rejected. You might start to feel guilty or think that you did something wrong, but don't believe those lies. There is nothing you could have done to change anything. You don't control your parents' actions or decisions. I know you have already started learning about the sin in your parents' lives and you will be angry at one or both of them. You will start to see your parents with a different point of view. They are no longer the parents that you had put up on a pedestal as a young girl, instead now they are just people with messy screwed up lives. This is my advice to you. Forgive them. Both them. Seriously both of your parents love you. I know this to be true. This has taken me a long time to actually believe in my own life but it is true. One parent (or even both) just has a really REALLY crappy way of showing it, but be patient and full of forgiveness. They are still your parents and I know you love them so don't hold on to that anger and resentment.

Also, from now on in some situations with your parents you might have to be the "adult". I know this isn't fair because you are their child, but this is something you have to do. We are past the age when we think that our parents know everything, we have already figured out that they don't, so let them learn from your actions. Set an example of love and forgiveness for them, and pray for them often. They are both hurting as much as you are, even if they don't show it. Also, I know this will be hard at least it was for me and I can imagine it will be for you too, but don't take sides. Don't choose one parent over the other or gossip back and forth between your parents. Be honest with your mom and dad and tell them how you are feeling and when you are hurting. Don't store those emotions up, they will just come back later.

In all of this don't loose hope. Cling to God. He sees your struggles and He loves you more than your parents ever could. For He created you and formed you. He knew you before your parents knew you. You are a daughter of the Most High. Remember that and glorify Him in everything you think, say, and do.

And last but not least remember you are not in this alone. You are not the first person/daughter to go through a divorce and you will not be the last. Know that I am always here for you and I love you.

This weekend has been great in many ways. I have had many good conversations with friends about God. I absolutely love spending time with my sisters in Christ talking about God and His love. I also got to see the kids yesterday which is always a blessing. I love those kids. This week we talked about David and Goliath and the kids loved it. Each week the kids interact more with the lesson and with the activities we are doing, which is exciting to see. A couple of the kids which normally have kind of a grumpy attitude and don't smile, smiled this week! Which of course made me smile, I love it when Sharon smiles and interacts with the teachers and the other children. There were also a few new girls who came to the class and are coming back next week. There were also more classroom helpers from within the community. A couple of the girls are teenagers who have children in our class and one teenage girl just decided to start helping, I love it. This week I tried interacting more with the helpers and the other teachers. I am not sure what God is going to do with this but I am excited to see what happens. Discipleship is something that God has been placing on my heart.

I am going to be very transparent so God guide my words as I write. A couple of weeks ago, there was a sermon in church about Hebrews 5:12-14....

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.

This sermon really stuck with me and it still is. You see for months I have been struggling with God. I came here and thought okay God help me learn Spanish and train me for ministry and has He ever! Not only has He given me a language lesson, but He has completely ripped open my mind, my heart, and my eyes. At first, I will admit I was angry. I complained and called out to God, asking why in the world would He take me to this country only to bring up things that I didn't want to talk about. I stayed for along time in the dark dwelling in my own self-pity and crying a lot. I will admit I was completely lost and depressed. I just wanted to run and hide, but I am in Costa Rica and the only place I could "run to" was downtown San Jose. All of my security blankets in life had been stripped away and here I am in Costa Rica trying to pick up the pieces of my life and hold everything together.

The streets of downtown San Jose became my friend in the middle of my first trimester. I am not sure why God brought me comfort when I walked those streets but He did. In some way, He was using those streets to reach out to me. I would look around and see people smiling and laughing, but then I would look into the eyes of some people and see the same sadness in their eyes as the sadness that I was trying to hold inside. I felt broken and lost. In the midst of all of this, I would get glimpses of hope through words of encouragement that were spoken to me or that I would find in Scripture, but honestly I never really took those words to heart. I am not sure why, believe me I wanted to but as soon as that hope and comfort would come I felt like it was taken away. I had this spiritual blindness over my eyes and as much as I struggled and pushed my way towards God, I was growing weak inside. I knew something was wrong. Looking back I can see God in my moments of weakness and sorrow, and I know that in my blogs you can see Him to because all of things that I have written about are things that He was teaching me or trying to.

However, this sadness and darkness continued into my second trimester, this trimester. God gave me someone who I felt I could open up to and talk with, but I often felt guilty and shame for opening up to her. I thought for sure she would runaway or reject me at some point and then I would be left alone again, just me and God (who I thought was clearly not answering me). I thought I had to bear all of these issues myself. I thought there is something wrong with me and if I can't fix it then how is someone else going to be able to fix it. I wanted to be "fixed" as if I were in a truck that was broken down on the side of the road. I was just waiting for it (my life) to start back up again or for someone to pass-by the road and offer to lift me out of this state of mind. Well, there was no quick fixes. You see things got worst before they got better. God sent a few people into my life to help me but they helped me by holding me accountable and by asking hard questions (which is exactly what I needed but that was not what I wanted). They asked questions that frankly I didn't want to answer and that I thought I didn't have the answers to. In all of this, I failed to really acknowledge God as my master and as my Lord. I was trying to fix everything on my own, I was in some way trying to play the role of god in my life, as if I could have control over everything.

God has and continues to be faithful in all of this. The more I continued opening up my mind and my heart to others and the more I started being honest not only with others but also myself, the more God started revealing Himself to me. I started to see more of God for who He is (my Lord, Savior, Master, Redeemer, Friend, and First love) and who I am (a rebellious, self-centered, sinful girl who is saved by grace and seated in Christ in the heavenly realms, a child of God made in His image). I have for many years lived on spiritual milk and at this time when I should be teaching I have had to be taught the basic principles of the faith all over again. This was hard for me and very humbling. God has had to allow me to be broken down in order to lift me up in Christ. God continues to train me and guide me on the path of righteousness. I have always made excuses for my behavior and for my actions, but now I am calling them what they are disobedience to God. I no longer want to live in disobedience but in obedience. I want to live with an eternal mindset and glorify God in everything I do. I know there will be times when I fail, but thank God that my victory is Christ, whose Spirit lives within me. Guilt, shame, and worry will no longer control me but the love, grace, and peace of God will.

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only, that but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us". - Romans 5:1-5

Downtown San Jose...

 Bring the Rain by: MercyMe

A couple of days ago, I went into downtown San Jose. I usually go down there to walk around and people watch or do a prayer walk down the streets. However on this particular day, there was something else that I needed to do, I needed to go and repent. I was overwhelmed by my sin (disobedience) and God's love so I knew what I needed to do. I needed to go spend some time on my knees so I got on the first bus to downtown San Jose and headed towards the National Cathedral.

The moment I walked in and went to the pew, I just went to my knees and started praying. Not only did I start praying, but I started bawling. God has been revealing more and more of Himself to me and the more He reveals Himself to me the more I realize how weak I really am without Him. This has truly been a humbling time. God has been taking me apart piece by piece this past few months and even though, this has not been an easy process it is definitely been a beautiful process. I am so thankful that God doesn't just leave me where I am, but that He continues molding me and transforming me. He is the potter and I am the clay.

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." - James 4:7-10

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." - Matthew 5:4

Children of God

These are two of my favorite verses when it comes to who we are in Christ, children of God. When I read these verses I am reminded of God's role as my Father. These verses really touch my heart, because for many years I have felt rejected by my earthly father and it has been important for me to be reminded of who my true Father is. When I look at these verses and dwell on the fact that I am not born of natural descent, human decision, or a husband's will, but born of God...I am in awe. God could have just said," he gave the right to become children of God," and then stopped, but the fact that He wanted to make it so clear that He loved me and wanted me even before I was born really gets to me. It is almost like God is saying to me, "You were mine from the beginning, I wanted you. Don't think that anyone else had anything to do with making you, because I made you. You are my child" (God doesn't just come out and say these things, but this is something that has been placed in my heart).

"We love because he FIRST loved us" (1 John 4:19).

Truth...

 

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but at times I know I have a problem with following rules and commands. Being truly obedient has never been easy for me. I can be obedient through my actions, but in my heart and mind I am often disobedient. God has been teaching me a lot lately about what it means to be truly obedient to Him.

Today, after I got back from downtown San Jose I decided to make a Truth Wall. I wrote out Bible verses that God has been using to reach me or placing on my heart and I wrote them down on a piece of colored paper and then placed them on the wall next to my bed. I need Scripture that I can turn to quickly in my time of need and I need reminders of God's sovereignty and of whom I am in Him. I am also working on memorizing Scripture so these wall reminders will help me in memorizing some of the verses that I have been studying lately. 

Weekend Trip to the Arenal Volcano...

This past weekend was such a blessing, seriously...it was wonderful. Thank you Lord. Spending the weekend at a resort, laughing, swimming, and spending time with friends, and taking in the beauty of God's creation....wow!

I have been truly blessed with some wonderful friends here in Costa Rica and this weekend I was able to go away with some of those girls to the Arenal Volcano.

"Arenal is Costa Rica’s best-known volcano. It’s a stratovolcano – a large, symmetrical volcano that’s built upon layers of ash, rock and lava – and at 5,437 feet, it stands high above the rest of the countryside. After nearly 400 of years of inactivity, Arenal began erupting in 1968, when it exploded and buried over 5 mi² (15 km²) in rocks, lava and ash. That eruptive cycle took pause in 2010 when the volcano entered into an indefinite resting phrase." - http://www.arenal.net/

We stayed at Los Lagos which is a nice resort near the volcano. While I was there, I was able to do one of my favorite things....SWIM! I absolutely love swimming and it was so much fun to be able to swim in a pool. I also really enjoyed hanging out with friends, they are such a fun group of girls. The volcano was also amazing, good job God! I love nature and just being able to walk around or sit and stare at God's beautiful creations. The balcony in our room looked out towards the volcano and was the perfect spot to sit and stare at the volcano.

While at Los Lagos, I also got to try something that a year ago I never could of imagined doing...I went zip-lining. This was a terrifying, thrilling, exciting, and fun experience all rolled into one. I zipped in the air on 12 different cables, which were stretched out to almost 2 miles, through the rainforest. I am terrified of heights so this was quite an experience, one that I will probably not be repeating in the future but it was still a lot of fun.

While walking up to the volcano lookout and while at the hotel reading God's Word, God opened my eyes up to some things that I have been thinking about lately and that have been on my heart. God has been teaching me some things and little by little He continues revealing more of Himself to me about who He is and who I am. It was nice to be able to walk and talk with God while being surround by the beauty of the forest and the volcano and the laughter of close friends.

Thank you Lord for the exceptionally great weekend!

This Weekend...

Tomorrow morning, I will be heading to the Arenal Volcano with some friends from school. We have an extended weekend so we will be staying til Monday. I am really excited to be able to spend some time with friends and try new things. We will be going zip-ling, which I am quite scared about but at the same time excited. I have never been very fond of heights so we will see what happens. While at Arenal, we will also be going to the volcano and taking a dip in the hot springs. Please pray for us as we travel.

Pray...

For the group of students who will be traveling to Panama today. Thanks.

(FYI: I am not going to Panama but I did coordinate this trip.)

Building Relationships...

This trimester my host mom, Sonia, (a.k.a. mamî) and I have been meeting weekly to discuss the culture in Costa Rica. I absolutely love talking with mamî. Every Wednesday night, our conversation topic is different and by the time we finish talking our conversation topic might have completely changed. I talk with mamî every week because I want to build a relationship with her, the homework is secondary in my eyes as long as I am still practicing and speaking Spanish.

This week, our conversation went a bit deeper. We started out talking about vacations and by the end of our conversation we were talking about God and she shared with me part of her testimony. As we sat there talking I started getting tears in my eyes, as I listened to her share her testimony and as she talked about her relationship with the Lord. This is one of those conversations that I will never forget.

Thank you Lord for my wonderful host family and specifically for mamî.

A few things I am thankful for...

• Chai Tea
• Hoodie
• Sweatpants
• Thunder
• Rain
• Music
• Friends
• Laughter
• Cooking
• Coffee 

Now put all of those things in one day and you have a pretty great day. Thank you Lord.

Even though, Costa Rica doesn't really have a fall season today really felt like fall to me in many ways. It has been a bit cooler the past couple days so that has helped, and today I actually pulled out my Columbia jacket for the third time this month. Not only that, but I also got to wear my sweatpants and hoodie, one of my favorite wardrobe combinations. I also got to help my friend, Kate, make cookies and apple cider (oh one of the many smells of fall that I love).  Now, I am drinking hot tea on a cold rainy night, thank you Lord.

"Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:19b-20

Laughter...

Sometimes God makes me laugh... I was having a bad day the other day and out of nowhere I get this desire in me to laugh. Laughing out loud in class is usually not a problem for me because I laugh all the time. However, on this particular day I was done. My body was physically done and so was my spirit, at least I thought so. I had been filled with anxiety all day and I had spent a good portion of my breaks from class getting sick from worry. This anxiety had been with me all weekend and by Monday I was done.

On this day, I went to a Women's Bible Study. To be honest, I really did not want to go to this study and I was not in the "mood" to go, but I went any ways. God gave me more peace in that hour then I had had all weekend, this blew my mind. I really couldn't understand why I had been trying to get rid of my anxiety all weekend and then all of a sudden in the place where I didn't want to be God decide okay let's remove this worry. (I have to admit that this added to my confusion and frustration.) After the study, my first reaction was okay I am done, I am leaving. However, I knew I had to finish out the school day. I went into my next class still thinking about the Bible study and determined not to talk in class so that I could just sit there thinking about everything. Then it hit me, I was listening to my friend Sarah give an example of one of our grammar rules and I lost it. I just started laughing. She didn't even say anything really funny, but I just started laughing so hard that I started to cry. It was great. God knew I needed to laugh.

After a weekend/week of stress and anxiety, it was almost like God said okay you need to laugh so He just put this joy in my heart that just made me burst out into laughter. That might have not been the most appropriate time to laugh out loud but it was for my heart. After that laugh, I still did not have much energy but my spirit was definitely a bit better. It was like in that moment of laughter I saw a glimmer of hope that things were going to get better.

I can recall one other time where that had happened. I had just returned home from a mission trip to Italy and the team and I were doing a group prayer. We were all stressed and the tension in the group was really intense. We were in the middle of praying and I lost it. I just started laughing so hard that I about fell over with laughter. That was not an appropriate time to laugh but the Lord knew that we all need to laugh. Before, I could stop laughing and apologize for interrupting the prayer the whole team was bursting into laughter (2 people did actually fall on floor laughing) and the tension was lifted.

God used those moments of laughter to bring me back to Himself. I knew that everything was not automatically better in that moment but that moment of laughter and joy reminded me that He is with me and He also reminded me of His love for me. In grammar class, I wanted to continue laughing out loud but at the same time start really crying, because God was reaching out to me in my moment of weakness in a way that only He knows how to do. God knew what I needed in that moment and He provided me with everything I needed.

My Prayer...

Lord, there are many things in life that I do not understand, but I know in your perfect timing you reveal to me what I need to know. You give me grace and understanding in my time of need. In those times of uncertainty and anxiousness, please help me to find comfort and peace in You. For I know that nothing is hidden from you. I am not hidden from you. I often feel unworthy of your love and rightly so for I know I am a sinner. It is only by your grace that I stand and through your Son that I live.

Lord, please forgive me for not always appreciating the life that you have given me and for not appreciating the sacrifices you have made. I can't imagine what this must be like for you, to see your daughter so broken and knowing that you have given your only Son for her. Thank you for loving me and for constantly pursuing me even when my heart becomes like stone.

I know that you won't give up on me but still Lord I pray that no matter what please continue to transform this heart of stone. Please remember me. You know how stubborn I can be and you know my rebellious ways. Open my ears and my heart so that I may listen to advice and accept discipline. I long to grow in wisdom and understanding. Lord, I long to be closer to you.

Search me Lord and continue bringing to the surface anything that is not of you so that my heart may be completely yours. Mold me and transform me. Protect me Lord from the lies that often fill my mind. May I take captive every thought and bring them before you. Even now Lord as I try to push forward through this difficult time words that should be encouraging often get turned around in my mind and become disheartening. Help me to see the truth and the love in those words. God I want to mature in you, please continue to train me to distinguish good from evil.

Lord, I put my trust in you. You alone are good.

Romans 8:26-30

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

El fin de semana...

My grammar test went well today, but I will find out my grade on Tuesday. By the time grammar class was over today my head was getting ready to explode. We are getting into some complicated grammar rules so after class today my brain needed a rest so after school I came home and took a nap. I kind of love days like these.

Once I woke up from my nap, I read for a little bit while listening to worship music and drinking coffee. My friend, Liz, introduced me to a worship band called Enter the Worship Circle and now I have been listening to them non-stop. Last night at her house, a group of women from school got together to chat and we made homemade pretzels, cheese dip, and an organic bath scrub. I also discovered why people drink decaf coffee, because then you can drink coffee at night (what a fabulous idea!). I am now a fan of decaf coffee. Tonight, I got together with some friends and went to dinner and a movie. It was fun and a good way to end the week.

Tomorrow, I will be heading to Valle del Sol to work with the kiddos. I am excited to see their faces, it has been almost two weeks since I have seen them last. Last Saturday, there was a picnic at school that I helped organize so I couldn't go. Although, I heard that the kids had a party and of course they loved it. Special thanks to Jon for the coloring books, we have been using them for the Bible lessons.

Also, I wanted to let all of you know that I am praying about the possibility of staying at Language School for another trimester. It has been such a blessing to be able to be here and I would love to stay another trimester if it is God's will. If you could join me in praying over this I would greatly appreciate it. I am always grateful for all of your prayers, thank you to everyone who has partnered with me both prayerfully and financially."I thank my God every time I remember you" (Phil. 1:3)

*Just as a side note, I have also added a Donate tab on the right if you would like to partner with me financially and support me in my future language learning/ministry training.

Within the past two weeks/month, there has been a few different long-term ministry opportunities that have been brought to my attention (one I purposely searched for and three others have presented themselves to me). Please be praying for me as I consider all of these options and continue to seek God's guidance and will.

I am not a morning person...

Anyone who knows me really well knows that I am not a morning person. I am the kind of person who can't really have a conversation until after I have been up for at least an hour. Even then any loud noises before 9am feel like they are 10 times louder then what they really are. With that said, what am I doing waking up at 5:30 in the morning? My alarm is always set for 6:15am or 6:30am.

I am not quite sure why my body has all of a sudden decided that it is going to start waking up at 5:30am, but I can tell you this...that half an hour to an hour in bed each morning has been wonderful. The first morning I was like, "You have got to be kidding me" then I proceeded to toss and turn for the next 45 minutes and praying about whatever/whoever came to mind. The next morning when I woke up early again I complained at first and struggled to go back to sleep then I proceeded to pray about whatever/whoever came to mind. This has been going on for a few days. Each morning that I have woken up early my complaining and struggling to go back to sleep has gone down more and more. I am not sure if this is something that I am suppose to be getting into the habit of doing, waking up early in the morning and praying before I get out of bed, but hey it is not a bad habit to get into. If God is trying to teach me something through this I can definitely see a theme, do less complaining and struggling and more praying.

Tomorrow I have another Grammar test. This tri-mester has been flying by I can't believe it is already October.

Thoughts...

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us." 1 Corinthians 2:11-12

What do these verses mean in my life right now? Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about the future, how I love and serve others, my habits, the ways that I express emotions, and I have been thinking about what it means to be obedient. I have also been thinking about my thoughts. I have been analyzing my thoughts and trying to take captive every thought and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).

I was brought back to Isaiah 55 and I spent some time thinking about how my thoughts are not His thoughts and my ways are not His ways. My thoughts if left unattended and not dwelling on God's Truth often lead to worry and anxiety. Those thoughts are definitely not God's so I have been praying for God to direct my steps and make His ways my ways and His thoughts my thoughts. I know I have been given the Spirit of God so I pray for the Spirit to work in me and through me. I also pray that the Spirit would continue to mold me into the woman that He has made me to be and fill me with understanding and wisdom that only comes from the Lord.