So last week was not my favorite, I know I wrote a previous post that slightly mentioned my feelings of not feeling good enough. This is something that I have been bringing before God and praying about this past week. Today all of those built-up emotions spilled out in a not so attractive way. I just needed to cry, pray, and dwell on God's word.

During my time of prayer, I reminded myself of God and His truth and promises. I laid out all of my questions before Him and then quickly realized that I was not in the position to be questioning God. What right does the creation have to question the Creator? (Romans 9:21). So then I talked with God about the "chiseling" process that has been taking place with my heart and mind, and how I feel that everything has been broken apart and I have nothing else to offer. We also talked about how uncomfortable it is to lay exposed in front of others and how exposed I feel even to myself, and how uncomfortable I feel right now. My mind quickly went to Jesus which helped put into perspective my feelings of being uncomfortable with being exposed mentally and emotionally, because not only was Jesus exposed in both of those ways but also physically. I can't even imagine what Jesus must have felt. I then tried to stay focused on who I am in Christ and on who God is. I know that even though I am nothing, I am everything in Christ. Apart from Him I can do no good thing. I have been created to do good works in Christ. It is by His grace that I have been saved through faith. Those were just a few of the things that came to mind.

You see with all of this chiseling going on within my heart and mind, I am starting to see more of who I am and I don't always like what I see. God is teaching me some of the basic principles of faith all over again but in a deeper way. I talked with Him about how I didn't enjoy this because we have been through most of these things before, but I can't shake this feeling that He is preparing me for something, I just don't know what it is yet. My response then was, "okay Lord, whatever it is you are doing, just do it. You know everything and everything that I have held onto is gone so here I am. If there is anything else in my heart that needs to be removed just go ahead and remove it. There needs to be less of me and more of you".

That was a glimpse into my conversation with God so let's look now at the victories of today. Even though, today could look like a pretty crappy day considering I was in a bad mood most of the day, it is ending on a good note so I am going to look at the victories of today.

Victories

1. First reaction when I realized something wasn't right was to turn to God in prayer.
2. Recalled some Bible verses that I have been memorizing and studying.
3. Didn't have a panic attack.
4. Stayed in school all day and went to all of my classes. 
5. Talked with a sister-in-Christ about some of my feelings from the day and prayed.
6. Went to the afternoon chapel session.