Roller coaster

   Roller coaster, that is the word I would use to describe this week as far as my emotions/attitude is concerned.  Do you ever feel like some weeks you have to push harder to be submissive? Meaning, do you ever feel like you have to push harder to bring your attitude under control in order to be completely open to God?  I wanted to have a bad attitude for most of this week, because I felt overwhelmed, but I had to really pour out my heart to God and dig into the Word in order to have an attitude of submission.
  One of my favorite quotes comes from Mother Teresa, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."
   I needed daily reminders this week that everything is going to be okay.  I needed to be reminded of God's faithfulness.  I know that everything is going to be okay and I know that God is faithful, but sometimes I just need to stop and meditate on what that means.  I needed to be reminded of God's faithfulness in light of the diseases, abuse, pain, and suffering in this world.
  My eyes have been open this week to the hurting people who surround me on a daily basis and it just breaks my heart that so many people can go through their whole day hurting and never really tell anyone what is going on their lives.  They are trying  so hard to just contain inside all their hurt, anger, and pain in order to just get through the day and move on to tomorrow.  On top of that, you have some people who are better at hiding their suffering than others, so you can never really tell around you who is hurting unless you really get to know them and build a relationship of trust.
 When I look at the people who are around me that are truly crying out on the inside for help, it breaks my heart.  I am at a lost for words. Going back to Mother Teresa's quote, I know that God has put these people into my life for a reason but I wish he didn't trust me so much.

What do you do when you feel like any day you might get a phone call that one of your friends has committed suicide?

What do you do when find out that your co-worker is cutting themselves because they have felt unloved for most of their life?

What do you do when you find out that one of your relatives or friends has a terminal illness?

What do you do when you find out that your friend is getting a divorce?

What do you do when you find out that your friend feels completely alone in life most of the time?

Let's just face it, life sometimes sucks but thank God that there is more than just this life.  All of the pain and suffering that takes place here won't take place in heaven.  My answer to all of the questions above is to pray and love those around you just as God has loved you.  This does not mean love someone from a distance for God does not love you from a distance, He is always present.  If you really follow those two things and if you really do that, not only will the lives around you be changed but you will be changed as well.  I am talking about a complete transformation.

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails," (1 Corinthians 13:3-8a).

  

A time of transition...

  Change has never been easy for me. If I were to be truly honest with myself I would say that I don't really like change, in fact I often like things just the way they are. Change disrupts my comfort and my contentment.  However, things are always changing. Right now, I have come to a season in my life where big changes are starting to take place and where decisions are starting to be made which are going to affect the rest of my life, however long that may be.
  I will admit I have become too comfortable here at LCU and it is time for me to move on. I am currently in the process of transitioning out of a ministry position that I love. Making a transition from one thing to another is hard. I really love being here at school and working with Junior Quest, but the time is coming for this season in my life to end. I am really going to miss the kids and the volunteers, but I know that God is going to continue to do great things through that ministry and the leaders, as long they continue to be obedient to the Lord.
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you  and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11).
  I am starting to prepare myself to leave LCU and it looks like there is going to be a long hard road ahead of me. I am going to be put into uncomfortable positions and I am going to be discontent, but the Lord is my strength and I put my trust in Him.

But...

  Last night, I went to this worship session called FUEL, which is a college outreach that is run by Eastview Christian Church, and the speaker was talking about Jonah and how he was running from God.  However, even though the message was really good the one thing that caught my attention was the word "but".  The pastor talked about how we shouldn't say "but" to God and how we shouldn't try to run away from God, even though in our own lives we have all runaway from God at one point.  We should give every part of our life over to Him, like I said it was a really good message.  However, the one thing that I couldn't get out of my mind was this word "but".
  A couple of years ago, I remember I was in a morning group devotion and our leader pointed out this word "but" to the group.  I don't remember exactly what she said but I do remember this. Whenever you see the word "but" something is about to happen, God is doing something. He just doesn't let things stay the way they are, He transforms them. Now every time I read my Bible and I come across this word "but" I highlight it in someway, and I have found it is true, whenever you see the word "but" something is happening.

Take these passages for example:
"To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God" (Jonah 2:6)
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33).
"The son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet" (Luke 15:21-22).

Isn't it great that there is a "but" in our stories as well!

Knowing

  When I was little my mom use to wake me up in the morning singing worship songs at the top of her lungs. Her favorite song to sing was Rise and Shine. The furthest thing from my mind when waking up to my mother singing/screaming was to give God the glory. I just wanted her to stop singing. My mom use to sing worship songs everywhere in the car, in the kitchen, at church, etc. Then if you tried to tell her to stop she would just pretend to ignore you and sing louder.  
  Well now as I have gotten older I look back on those times and just laugh. To this day, you can still catch her bursting out into song every now and then. Below is a song that when I hear it, I can still imagine my mother in the morning worship service raising her arms and singing. At the time, all I was thinking was, "Man, I wish she should just be normal and lower her arms". Haha...oh I had so much to learn. Now I am the one who also loves this song and I can't help but raise my hands when I hear it. Today, in church I found myself meditating on the lyrics and just smiling at how wonderful and amazing God is.


Knowing You  
All I once held dear built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own 
All I once thought gain I have counted loss 
Spent and worthless now, compared to this  


Chorus: 
Knowing you, Jesus knowing you 
There is no greater thing 
You're my all, you're the best 
You're my joy, my righteousness 
And I love you ,Lord  


Now my heart's desire is to know you more 
To be found in you, and known as yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn 
All surpassing gift of righteousness 


Chorus:
Knowing you, Jesus knowing you
There is no greater thing 
You're my all you're the best 
You're my joy, my righteousness 
And I love you ,Lord  


Oh to know the power of your risen life 
And to know you in your suffering 
To become like you in your death my Lord 
So with You to live And never die  


Chorus:
Knowing you, Jesus knowing you
There is no greater thing 
You're my all you're the best 
You're my joy, my righteousness 
And I love you ,Lord

Missions? Really?

  Wow, I can't believe how time has flown by. I just looked at my blog and I haven't written in 5 days, I can't believe it has been 5 days! Well, now that things are starting to get settled down I can write what has been on my mind this past week.  
  One thing that has really been on my heart this week is missions. I get asked a lot of questions because I am a missions major and a missionary.  I get asked questions such as, why don't you just stay here in the states?  Why do you go to so many countries? Why are you going to school for missions? Why don't you go to school for something else?  Why don't you get a real job?  How are you going to make a living?
  I know why people ask these questions, but one question that I always think is, why not?  The truth is I love God, I love people, I have a heart for the lost, I have a heart for children, and I just love to serve others. Yes, I can serve anywhere I know that is true, I have learned that a lot over the years. I use to think maybe God will just call me to one specific place, but the truth is God has shown me that I can serve anywhere. I just have to be willing to serve. I use to think, where is God calling me to serve?  Is it here in the states or is it overseas?  Then I started to think why can't it be both or how can the two be combined?  This is one question, I am still praying about but I know in God's timing I will know.  As for now, I am just going to go where He leads me even if it is for a short period of time.
   "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:7-8)
 To answer the question as to why I go out into the world to serve and as to why I am a missionary I have come to these conclusions.  First of all, God has placed it on my heart to serve others. Second of all, witnessing to others about Christ and sharing Christ with others is Biblical (Mark 16:14-15; Acts 1:8; Romans 10:14-15). My third reason is because there is an enemy.  I was reminded of this truth when I was reading a newsletter update from a friend who quoted the Scripture below.
  "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12).  
  The truth is that there is a world we cannot see and there is a battle taking place. Satan loves nothing more than to attack God's people, murder, manipulate, lie, and accuse others. This reason alone is enough to break my heart for God's people. I could go out and get a "real" job and make a lot of money, but that isn't what God has called me to do. I am not a missionary because I love to travel or because I love adventure. I am missionary because I know that even though God doesn't need me He wants me.  God can use me to serve and help others. God can use me in this fight against the dark world. I know that I cannot fight this battle alone but with God nothing is impossible (Phillipians 4:13). 

Car Trouble...

   Tonight, I got a flat tire on my car and I am now staying the night in Bloomington.  This whole situation has been a reminder to me that even with the little things you have trust God.  After I stopped at six gas stations that charged .75 cents for air, I was not very happy because I did not have .75 cents to fill up my tire with air. Soon after while I was still drivning on my tire that was going flat, I prayed God, " I am sorry for my attitude, please help me find some nice guy who can help me fix my tire".  I prayed this all the way to the next gas station, and sure enough at the next gas station I was sitting in my car waiting for the guy in the SUV next to me to finish putting air in his tire at the FREE air pump! Having free air for my tire was a blessing!
   Then there was a knock at my side window, I rolled down the window and saw what I thought was a homeless man warning me that my tire was flat. I got out of my car and started asking him about my tire and then he asked the other man (with the SUV) to come and check out my tire.  The man with the SUV stayed helped me for an hour trying to fix my tire and replace it with a donout.  Those two men at the gas station were a huge blessing!    
   Somtimes, I think that we can forget to give even the little things in life over to God and trust that He will provide. God does come through even if it is not in the way that we expect.  God can use the most unlikely people to accomplish His task. Take for example the "homeless" man that helped me tonight.  If it wasn't for him I probably would not have talked to the guy in the SUV. 
"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him," (Nahum 1:7). 

Awkward Moments...

    Everyone has awkward moments, you know those moments when you are just not quite sure what is going on.  You know those moments when you are completely caught off guard and you don't know what to say.  I have learned over the years that when you follow God and when you are trying to do the right thing there will be awkward moments.  Lately, I have been thinking about about these passages from Philippians, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should not look only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (2:3-4).
   When I look at that passage two words come to my mind: consideration and love.  When you love someone you are considerate towards them.  When doing something you are considerate of your love one's feelings, time, interest, and well being.  But what if someone doesn't know that you love them?  What if you love them just because God made them?  What if you love just because God told you to?  Well, let me just say things can get pretty awkward. Think about it.  You see that someone is not talking to anyone at church or see that someone is having a bad day and you go over to try to start a conversation.  The beginning of a conversation with someone new can be pretty awkward.  I am beginning to think that awkward moments are not bad, but rather should be embraced.  Just think about it.

Haiti

    For today, I  thought I would share some of the ways that you can help out with the relief efforts that are taking place in Haiti.   Please pray for the relief efforts in Haiti and for the country, thank you.
    I became aware today that International Disaster Emergency Services is packing food to send to Haiti (http://www.ides.org/haitifood..html).  They have space available for a group on Monday, January 18.  Anyone 8yrs and older is welcome to help.  Under 8yrs must have an adult with them.  According to Mapquest, it takes about 3.5 hours to drive to Kempton, IN and IDES indicates it takes about 2 hours to pack a food container.  I will be going with some students from Lincoln and I wanted to make sure that others knew about this awesome opportunity to serve.
    In addition, if you would like to make donations to the  Haitian Christian  Outreach to help in the relief click this link haitianchristian.org .  
   Finally this is a portion of an e-mail I received from a professor that I would like share with you and please pray for this family, "I know that you all continue to pray for the unfolding tragedy in Haiti.  Would your pray specifically for two dear co-workers of mine, Wilby and Romano Romain.  They both live and minister with G.O. Ministries in Santiago, DR and are safe, but they have received no word from their families in the Port-au-Prince area.  They are planning to leave either today or tomorrow to search for their families.  Would you pray for their safety and that they may find their families safe?"
   

Everything is Urgent...

    On Tuesday, there was a 7.0 earthquake in Haiti.  To learn more about what happened and the magnitude of this earthquake read this link http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=122545946
    I don't want to be too repetitive in my writings but I feel like I need to address this topic of urgency.  When reading that article I was broken.  Have you ever been so broken or so sad that you just have to sit in silence for a while?  Well that is what I had to do after reading that article.
   "Everything is urgent," that is what the author wrote at the bottom of the article.  Saving the people from the rubble, getting medicine to those who are injured, providing food and shelter for the homeless, and the list goes on.  "Everything is urgent".  Do you really believe that?  If so, what are you doing right now to make a difference?  Of course caring for the people in Haiti is urgent but do you feel that it should concern you?  Of course it should! We are called to love others and love the Lord, our God with all our being.
    Loving people and God does not mean that only at Christmas or during a tragedy I am going to give a little extra money or give an hour out of my week to help people in need.  No, that is not the point.  True love means that we put ourselves aside and put others first.  If we really believe that everything is urgent then in our lives there should an urgency to help others and follow God to where ever He leads.  However, this sense of urgency out love needs to be show through our actions.  Take for example the blog from the other day with the two sons, one son did what he was suppose to do after some hesitation but the other son, said, "I will go" and then never did.  Just think about that and I will end this blog on this note for meditation, "In the same way, faith by itself, if it s not accompanied by action, is dead" (James 2:17). Faith with out works, is no faith at all.

The Two Sons

    Today, I was reading the parable of the two sons in Matthew 21:28-32.  In this story, there is a man who has two sons.  He ask the first son, "Go and work today in the vineyard."  The son replied, "I will not," and then later on changed his mind and went.  The same man asked his second son, "Go and work today in the vineyard."  The second son replied, "I will," but then he did not go.  As we know from Scripture, the first one did want his father wanted, but I want to know what took him so long?  

    Was the son just lazy?  Was he afraid to go work in the vineyard?  What kept him from doing what his father asked of him?  What did he have to sacrifice to go work in the vineyard?  I will be the first to admit I don't always do what I'm told, but I have this inner voice that usually kicks me inside and says, "Go, just do it".  Do you ever have that inner voice that you feel is telling you to do something when don't really want to do it?  Well, most of the time if you are really listening that voice is right and you are wrong, so what keep us from doing what we know we are suppose to do?  Pride. Fear. Rejection. Confrontation. You name it.

    Through my experience, I have found that when I do what I am suppose to do and what I feel God wants me to do, I am happier and I have peace.  I am deeply sadden inside when I see people who have these great God given gifts and talents, but are too afraid to go out and use them or refuse to acknowledge God.  Being in a relationship with God and saying, " I will go out into the vineyard" is a lot easier said then done.  This commitment to God and to what is right is not so that we can have someone control our every step, but it is instead to give us life to the fullest.  Life that can be and should be lived out loud.  So what is holding you back in life?  What is holding you back from doing the things you feel and know that you should be doing?  

    

Blessings...

     I was talking to a couple of people today about blessings.  We talked about the blessings that God has given us and how with what God blesses us we can bless others.  Even in hard financial times, we can still bless others. Everything has a season, we all have our ups and downs, but if we, as Christians, are able to help those around us we should.  There would be no reason for anyone to be in need if, as community, we acted like the people in Acts and shared everything we had to offer (Acts 4:32).
    "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew7:7).  Although at the same time, we have to be willing to ask for help.  No one is perfect and we all struggle in life, but how many of us are willing to share our struggles with others and ask for help?  I use to have a hard time asking others for help but you know what?  Once I opened up to others and shared my feelings and my need, people responded!  You would be amazed to see how many people are willing to help if you just ask.  Be humble. Be honest. And see how God works through others.

24 Hours

    Will it matter 24 hours from now?  I want you to think about that question for a moment.  I remember the first time I was asked that question, I was on a weekend field trip to Chicago.  I was sitting in a Sunday School room and the teacher passed around index cards and a marker and asked us to write, "Will it matter 24 hours from now?" on the cards.
    Well, that was 2 years ago and I still have that card and think about that question all time.  Will it matter 24 hours from now?  Is what I'm doing right now going to matter tomorrow?  Is this situation worth getting upset about?  Is what I am doing right now glorifying God?  Those are the questions that I think about when I am doing something.
    You know there are some days when I go to bed at night and think, "Where did the time go? Did anything I do today matter?"  It is easy to let time get away from us by letting Satan distract us from fully living our lives for God.  There is a saying that goes, if Satan can't make you bad, then he will make you busy.  Don't get so busy today that you miss out on the important things in life.  Think to yourself, will it matter 24 hours from now?  If the answer is no then I believe that there is something better you can be doing with the time the Lord has given to you.
    This doesn't mean spending every minute of every day reading the Bible, although reading God's Word for a while wouldn't hurt.  It just means making the time we have here on earth count for something more, make what your doing bring glory to God.  One way that I love to glorify God is through loving and caring for my family and friends.  I also love working with children and helping them come to know the Lord.  I love travelling to different parts of the world and sharing God's Word with others.  It is in those moments that I know I am right where God wants me to be, and it is those moments that will matter in eternity.  So ask yourself today, "will it matter 24 hours from now?"
  

Let's Be Honest

    This week has been wonderful, I love being back at school and back in the dorm. As it turns out my intensive class, Principles of the Bible II, has turned out to be not so intensive. Since, I have come back to school and I have had more free time than planned, I have been thinking more about God and life.  Since, my grandpa has been in the hospital I have been focusing on how precious life is and how certain death is.

    I will be honest, death scares me.  When I think about my loved ones passing away I am filled with sadness.  I have tried over the years to escape the realities of death by avoiding the pain and hiding the pain that I feel when someone I know gets sick and eventually passes on.  However, I have learned that there is no escaping death or the pain that preludes and follows after experiencing the death of a loved one.  In response, I have prayed to God and turned to Scripture for answers.  

    "A good name is better than perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth.  It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.  Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart."  Ecclesiastes 7: 1-3

    When I think about death I get scared but then I remember God's promises to us and the gift of eternal life that He offers us through His Son.  The uncertainty of our time of death and death itself should not push us into hiding.  I have learned over the years that it is okay to cry and mourn, but we have to be willing to be vulnerable not only with ourselves but also with God.  Being vulnerable does not mean that you are weak but rather that you are human, just like the rest of us.  

The crossroad where public and private meet...

    I first started blogging this past summer when I went on my internship to Spain. As a result from the positive feedback from others, I would like to continue blogging. This blog is designed to reach out to my supporters (friends and family) and to let them know what God is doing in my life. At the same time, this blog is going to serve as my own personal journal that I can share with others.  Let me share these two blog ideas on a deeper level...
    As I was lying in bed the other night reading my Bible and Crazy Love, by Francis Chan, I started to think about my life and these past couple of years.  God has given me a wonderful life and as I reflected on His grace and power,  I was awestruck.  God is truly amazing.  In addition, I started to reflect on my reading from Crazy Love in chapter two in which the author talks about the reality of our lives and how God has given us this brief scene in a movie, which we call life.  When I am faced with the reality of disease and suffering, such as my grandpa being in the hospital, I am reminded at how short life is.  Death also gives the living a sense of urgency that normally in the hustle and bustle of every day life we seem to forget about.  This urgency and my reflection on God reminds me how important it is for me to share my life and my love for God with others as much as possible.
    I love the quote, "my worth to God in public is what I am in private" (Oswald Chambers).  This quote along with my reading from Crazy Love made me think that when I die, which could be at any moment, then what I am I leaving behind. I thought about the journals that I have had since I was in junior high and I thought, "who would I want to read those?".  These journals reveal my life behind closed doors, who I am in private. During my reflection, I thought about about my life: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.  If I am not willing to share those journals with others in public then what do they say about who I am in private? Grant it some of the journals were written before I became a Christian, but what do my journals after I came to know the Lord say about my relationship with God?  Living Out Loud to me is about showing others Christ through my life with no limitations, my public life meets my private life.