Roller coaster

   Roller coaster, that is the word I would use to describe this week as far as my emotions/attitude is concerned.  Do you ever feel like some weeks you have to push harder to be submissive? Meaning, do you ever feel like you have to push harder to bring your attitude under control in order to be completely open to God?  I wanted to have a bad attitude for most of this week, because I felt overwhelmed, but I had to really pour out my heart to God and dig into the Word in order to have an attitude of submission.
  One of my favorite quotes comes from Mother Teresa, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."
   I needed daily reminders this week that everything is going to be okay.  I needed to be reminded of God's faithfulness.  I know that everything is going to be okay and I know that God is faithful, but sometimes I just need to stop and meditate on what that means.  I needed to be reminded of God's faithfulness in light of the diseases, abuse, pain, and suffering in this world.
  My eyes have been open this week to the hurting people who surround me on a daily basis and it just breaks my heart that so many people can go through their whole day hurting and never really tell anyone what is going on their lives.  They are trying  so hard to just contain inside all their hurt, anger, and pain in order to just get through the day and move on to tomorrow.  On top of that, you have some people who are better at hiding their suffering than others, so you can never really tell around you who is hurting unless you really get to know them and build a relationship of trust.
 When I look at the people who are around me that are truly crying out on the inside for help, it breaks my heart.  I am at a lost for words. Going back to Mother Teresa's quote, I know that God has put these people into my life for a reason but I wish he didn't trust me so much.

What do you do when you feel like any day you might get a phone call that one of your friends has committed suicide?

What do you do when find out that your co-worker is cutting themselves because they have felt unloved for most of their life?

What do you do when you find out that one of your relatives or friends has a terminal illness?

What do you do when you find out that your friend is getting a divorce?

What do you do when you find out that your friend feels completely alone in life most of the time?

Let's just face it, life sometimes sucks but thank God that there is more than just this life.  All of the pain and suffering that takes place here won't take place in heaven.  My answer to all of the questions above is to pray and love those around you just as God has loved you.  This does not mean love someone from a distance for God does not love you from a distance, He is always present.  If you really follow those two things and if you really do that, not only will the lives around you be changed but you will be changed as well.  I am talking about a complete transformation.

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails," (1 Corinthians 13:3-8a).

  

A time of transition...

  Change has never been easy for me. If I were to be truly honest with myself I would say that I don't really like change, in fact I often like things just the way they are. Change disrupts my comfort and my contentment.  However, things are always changing. Right now, I have come to a season in my life where big changes are starting to take place and where decisions are starting to be made which are going to affect the rest of my life, however long that may be.
  I will admit I have become too comfortable here at LCU and it is time for me to move on. I am currently in the process of transitioning out of a ministry position that I love. Making a transition from one thing to another is hard. I really love being here at school and working with Junior Quest, but the time is coming for this season in my life to end. I am really going to miss the kids and the volunteers, but I know that God is going to continue to do great things through that ministry and the leaders, as long they continue to be obedient to the Lord.
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you  and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11).
  I am starting to prepare myself to leave LCU and it looks like there is going to be a long hard road ahead of me. I am going to be put into uncomfortable positions and I am going to be discontent, but the Lord is my strength and I put my trust in Him.

But...

  Last night, I went to this worship session called FUEL, which is a college outreach that is run by Eastview Christian Church, and the speaker was talking about Jonah and how he was running from God.  However, even though the message was really good the one thing that caught my attention was the word "but".  The pastor talked about how we shouldn't say "but" to God and how we shouldn't try to run away from God, even though in our own lives we have all runaway from God at one point.  We should give every part of our life over to Him, like I said it was a really good message.  However, the one thing that I couldn't get out of my mind was this word "but".
  A couple of years ago, I remember I was in a morning group devotion and our leader pointed out this word "but" to the group.  I don't remember exactly what she said but I do remember this. Whenever you see the word "but" something is about to happen, God is doing something. He just doesn't let things stay the way they are, He transforms them. Now every time I read my Bible and I come across this word "but" I highlight it in someway, and I have found it is true, whenever you see the word "but" something is happening.

Take these passages for example:
"To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God" (Jonah 2:6)
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33).
"The son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet" (Luke 15:21-22).

Isn't it great that there is a "but" in our stories as well!

Knowing

  When I was little my mom use to wake me up in the morning singing worship songs at the top of her lungs. Her favorite song to sing was Rise and Shine. The furthest thing from my mind when waking up to my mother singing/screaming was to give God the glory. I just wanted her to stop singing. My mom use to sing worship songs everywhere in the car, in the kitchen, at church, etc. Then if you tried to tell her to stop she would just pretend to ignore you and sing louder.  
  Well now as I have gotten older I look back on those times and just laugh. To this day, you can still catch her bursting out into song every now and then. Below is a song that when I hear it, I can still imagine my mother in the morning worship service raising her arms and singing. At the time, all I was thinking was, "Man, I wish she should just be normal and lower her arms". Haha...oh I had so much to learn. Now I am the one who also loves this song and I can't help but raise my hands when I hear it. Today, in church I found myself meditating on the lyrics and just smiling at how wonderful and amazing God is.


Knowing You  
All I once held dear built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own 
All I once thought gain I have counted loss 
Spent and worthless now, compared to this  


Chorus: 
Knowing you, Jesus knowing you 
There is no greater thing 
You're my all, you're the best 
You're my joy, my righteousness 
And I love you ,Lord  


Now my heart's desire is to know you more 
To be found in you, and known as yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn 
All surpassing gift of righteousness 


Chorus:
Knowing you, Jesus knowing you
There is no greater thing 
You're my all you're the best 
You're my joy, my righteousness 
And I love you ,Lord  


Oh to know the power of your risen life 
And to know you in your suffering 
To become like you in your death my Lord 
So with You to live And never die  


Chorus:
Knowing you, Jesus knowing you
There is no greater thing 
You're my all you're the best 
You're my joy, my righteousness 
And I love you ,Lord

Missions? Really?

  Wow, I can't believe how time has flown by. I just looked at my blog and I haven't written in 5 days, I can't believe it has been 5 days! Well, now that things are starting to get settled down I can write what has been on my mind this past week.  
  One thing that has really been on my heart this week is missions. I get asked a lot of questions because I am a missions major and a missionary.  I get asked questions such as, why don't you just stay here in the states?  Why do you go to so many countries? Why are you going to school for missions? Why don't you go to school for something else?  Why don't you get a real job?  How are you going to make a living?
  I know why people ask these questions, but one question that I always think is, why not?  The truth is I love God, I love people, I have a heart for the lost, I have a heart for children, and I just love to serve others. Yes, I can serve anywhere I know that is true, I have learned that a lot over the years. I use to think maybe God will just call me to one specific place, but the truth is God has shown me that I can serve anywhere. I just have to be willing to serve. I use to think, where is God calling me to serve?  Is it here in the states or is it overseas?  Then I started to think why can't it be both or how can the two be combined?  This is one question, I am still praying about but I know in God's timing I will know.  As for now, I am just going to go where He leads me even if it is for a short period of time.
   "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:7-8)
 To answer the question as to why I go out into the world to serve and as to why I am a missionary I have come to these conclusions.  First of all, God has placed it on my heart to serve others. Second of all, witnessing to others about Christ and sharing Christ with others is Biblical (Mark 16:14-15; Acts 1:8; Romans 10:14-15). My third reason is because there is an enemy.  I was reminded of this truth when I was reading a newsletter update from a friend who quoted the Scripture below.
  "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12).  
  The truth is that there is a world we cannot see and there is a battle taking place. Satan loves nothing more than to attack God's people, murder, manipulate, lie, and accuse others. This reason alone is enough to break my heart for God's people. I could go out and get a "real" job and make a lot of money, but that isn't what God has called me to do. I am not a missionary because I love to travel or because I love adventure. I am missionary because I know that even though God doesn't need me He wants me.  God can use me to serve and help others. God can use me in this fight against the dark world. I know that I cannot fight this battle alone but with God nothing is impossible (Phillipians 4:13). 

Car Trouble...

   Tonight, I got a flat tire on my car and I am now staying the night in Bloomington.  This whole situation has been a reminder to me that even with the little things you have trust God.  After I stopped at six gas stations that charged .75 cents for air, I was not very happy because I did not have .75 cents to fill up my tire with air. Soon after while I was still drivning on my tire that was going flat, I prayed God, " I am sorry for my attitude, please help me find some nice guy who can help me fix my tire".  I prayed this all the way to the next gas station, and sure enough at the next gas station I was sitting in my car waiting for the guy in the SUV next to me to finish putting air in his tire at the FREE air pump! Having free air for my tire was a blessing!
   Then there was a knock at my side window, I rolled down the window and saw what I thought was a homeless man warning me that my tire was flat. I got out of my car and started asking him about my tire and then he asked the other man (with the SUV) to come and check out my tire.  The man with the SUV stayed helped me for an hour trying to fix my tire and replace it with a donout.  Those two men at the gas station were a huge blessing!    
   Somtimes, I think that we can forget to give even the little things in life over to God and trust that He will provide. God does come through even if it is not in the way that we expect.  God can use the most unlikely people to accomplish His task. Take for example the "homeless" man that helped me tonight.  If it wasn't for him I probably would not have talked to the guy in the SUV. 
"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him," (Nahum 1:7). 

Awkward Moments...

    Everyone has awkward moments, you know those moments when you are just not quite sure what is going on.  You know those moments when you are completely caught off guard and you don't know what to say.  I have learned over the years that when you follow God and when you are trying to do the right thing there will be awkward moments.  Lately, I have been thinking about about these passages from Philippians, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should not look only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (2:3-4).
   When I look at that passage two words come to my mind: consideration and love.  When you love someone you are considerate towards them.  When doing something you are considerate of your love one's feelings, time, interest, and well being.  But what if someone doesn't know that you love them?  What if you love them just because God made them?  What if you love just because God told you to?  Well, let me just say things can get pretty awkward. Think about it.  You see that someone is not talking to anyone at church or see that someone is having a bad day and you go over to try to start a conversation.  The beginning of a conversation with someone new can be pretty awkward.  I am beginning to think that awkward moments are not bad, but rather should be embraced.  Just think about it.