Habits...

Over the past couple of years, I have realized that there are some habits that need to change in my way of thinking. For example, how I deal with emotions. I have never been very good about expressing emotions and instead of really talking about them I have always found ways to hide them. I have a habit of hiding my internal emotions behind my external issues or struggles. As I have grown older I have become better at hiding my internal emotions and even my external struggles, because as an adult and a believer you surely can't show your weaknesses to others. You are suppose to have it all together. Those are lies. You should share your emotions/weaknesses with someone else and you don't have to have everything put together, but I didn't believe that before or take that to heart. I thought okay whatever I am struggling with is my problem and I have to figure out a way to deal with it before someone sees that something is wrong.

"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2 

I had this idea that whatever is making me struggle emotionally is in some way my fault...I must have did something wrong. Sometimes there is a sin that I need to confess and repent of and other times I just need to forgive. I had this idea before that I had to do this all on my own it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I started learning about what it really means to confess, repent, and forgive.

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." - Mark 11:25

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." - James 5:16

This transformation and renewing of my mind is still taking place as I continue to come before God with this realization that I am nothing without Him and everything in Him. It is through Him that I am made new, a child of the most High, and free.

"Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—" - John 1:12

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. 

   You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.

Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
- Romans 8:5-13

To often in life do  I think that my obligation is to something of the flesh, but in all actuality my only obligation is to God. It is far too easy to get focused on what the flesh desires (approval, comfort, security, etc.) instead of what the Spirit desires. One thing leads to death and the other leads to life. I have to remember daily that my obligation is not to my flesh, because I have been bought with a price and have been given the Spirit of Christ. However, at times it is easy for me to let my flesh control me, but the only thing that should control me is the Spirit. I am not a slave to me or anyone else, but I am slave to God, whose Spirit lives within me. Thank you Lord for your Spirit and your grace.

The transition...

Jeremiah 23:23-24 

"“Am I only a God nearby,”
            declares the LORD,
   “and not a God far away?
Who can hide in secret places
   so that I cannot see them?”
            declares the LORD.
   “Do not I fill heaven and earth?”
            declares the LORD."

 

"Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" Sung by Hillsong

Songs that take us back...

Most people have a song that when they hear it they are automatically taken back to a specific time in their life. For married couples it might be the song at their wedding. For some people it might be a song from a school dance. There a few country songs that every time I hear them I am automatically taken back to my high school dances. Some songs might remind us of certain people. The song Amazing Grace still brings me to tears every time I sing it, because that was the last song I ever sang to my Aunt Joey.

If I had to pick a song for my time here in Costa Rica this would be the one. I first heard this song in Spanish while at Zumba class. I had been having a rough week and the moment I heard this song I just wanted to cry, and ever since then God has used this song to speak to my heart and take me back to His truth. 

 

"None but Jesus," sung by Brooke Fraser

Prayer..

Today was a little off for me. The day did not start off very good and since this morning I have been having some things weighing on my heart. I was going to approach a male student about an inappropriate conversation but I am going to have a man do it since it would be more appropriate. Please pray for a male student who is currently struggling with some moral purity issues. If you could also pray for my attitude towards this man that would be greatly appreciated. I have to admit that my attitude towards him lately has not been very nice or godly. I have to keep in mind that He is a brother in Christ. Please join me in lifting him (and my attitude towards him) up in prayer.

The closer you get, the closer you get...

Some people come into your life only to walk right back out. Some people leave your life but never your heart. Then there are those few who stay in your life forever. It is with those few that you grow together, laugh together, cry together, and complain together. It is those few who know you better than anyone else. It is those few who seem more like family than friends, and in my heart they are family. My best friend, Emily is one of those few.

Even though, we are both in different countries we are still able to come together like we are sitting in the same room together. (Thank you Lord for Skype.) Every time we get off Skype we hesitate because both of us know that we have to go, but neither one of us really want to go. Every conversation no matter how many hours have passed still seems too short.

Tonight, we started doing a study together and talking about what God has and is revealing to us through our reading and studying of Bittersweet. Even though, we just started we can already see that this study is going to be great. Thank you Lord for blessing our conversation tonight.

"And every time I told Annette the truth, or asked for something difficult, or opened a scary conversation, when I thought she would back away, she walked forward. And by walking forward, she changed me, and now, everywhere I go, everywhere life takes me, I'll be looking for this, for this kind of friendship that my dear Annette taught me." -Bittersweet, p. 32.

Thank you Em for being my Annette and for showing me that "the closer you get, the closer you get". Thank you Lord for bringing this crazy wonderful girl into my life.

From Spain to Costa Rica...

Today was definitely more of a Monday kind of day, I was kind of out of it all day and I was just off in my own little world. I was thinking about life a lot today and focusing on God and His control over all things. God just always amazes me. I just thought about life and how everything has always worked out and how God has continually provided me with everything that I have ever needed. I was focusing on this because I have come to that point once again, where I have done everything that I can do and now I am just waiting and seeing what God has in-store. My future is uncertain, but I know one thing to be true I will continue to serve the Lord with all my heart and I will continue to serve and love others.

Two years ago, coming to Costa Rica was just a dream, but about a year ago God turned that dream into a reality. I remember when I came back from Spain in the summer of 2009, my heart was broken. You see on that trip I lived with a woman named Elizabeth. From the outside, you could see that she was this sweet godly women who served the Lord and her family with everything she had. She also gave everything she had to others and opened her home to missionaries. However, on the inside she was broken and overwhelmed with sadness.

I will never forget the day that I was sitting in church and she got up and gave her testimony. I had been living with her for over a week and I had grown really attached to her and her family. I was sitting in the pew trying to understand what she was saying and I just couldn't (that was so frustrating). Then I saw her break down into tears and I just started crying, because I could see her pain in her eyes even though I couldn't understand what she was saying. After church, my trip leader Stephanie told me that Elizabeth announced that she had been diagnosed with cancer. All I could do was hug Elizabeth and mourn with her (there are somethings that don't require any words).

I remember shortly after that day, one night as my friend and I were getting ready for bed Elizabeth came in and told us she was going to the doctor tomorrow and tears started to roll down her face. As she was getting ready to leave the room the Lord placed it on my heart to pray with her. That moment sitting in that tiny room praying was one of the most humbling and powerful moments of my life. My friend and I both prayed in English and Elizabeth prayed in Spanish, neither one of us could understand what the other was saying, but in our hearts we knew what was happening. Our relationships and love for God transcended all of the cultural and language boundaries, just like our prayers to God.

It was after that moment that God placed a strong desire on my heart to learn Spanish. I knew how much I loved Elizabeth without speaking any Spanish and God worked in our relationship in such amazing ways, that I couldn't imagine what God could do in our relationship if we both spoke the same language.

After returning from Spain, learning Spanish seemed less like a goal and more like a dream. If I were honest, I never thought it would actually happen. Now here I am in Costa Rica typing this blog. Isn't our God amazing? There is no one like Him. He took a dream and made it a reality. A dream to learn Spanish, minister to Spanish speaking people, and build cross-cultural relationships. That dream is now a reality, thanks be to God. I am not learning Spanish for myself, but in order to glorify God and share His truth and love with Spanish speaking families and children. God is so good and I can't wait to see what He has in-store for the future.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."- Romans 8:28