July 30, 2011

Saturday: my favorite day of the week

Today, I woke up excited and ready to go. Usually on Saturday mornings I stay in bed til 11am, reading or watching a movie, but not today. I was up early and was ready to go.

Yesterday, while I was at the STUCO, student council, dinner at Joel and Krista's house, Joel told me about a jazz concert that was taking place that evening. I am falling in love with jazz music (and it makes me think of my host family in Wisconsin) so I dediced this morning to go downtown to see if the jazz concert was going to be taking place again.

Going into downtown San José by myself is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do. I love to walk around and people watch. Today, I got to see 2 different people/groups doing street evangelism, a dancing elf, 2 guys dressed up as bees, and a failed attempt at a robbery. Where else would I get to see all that in two hours? Really my favorite part is watching how people talk and interact, and dress, you can learn a lot about the culture by just watching the people.

As it turned out the jazz concert isn't performing again til Thursday. I am going to see if I can get a group from the school to go since it is going to be in the evening. I ended up walking around and exploring different streets. I found a second hand store having a sale so I dediced to go look for a pair of jeans. After almost an hour, I found a pair of jeans and a shirt. I was happy. (It is hard to find a pair of jeans, that are not skinny jeans, in my size in Costa Rica so finding a pair is a big deal.)

Afterwards, I headed back to the bus station and waited for almost a half hour for a bus. I was running late to meet up with Steve to go to Valle del Sol, and ended up grabbing a taxi once the bus dropped me off at the park to go meet up with him. I am getting more comfortable traveling by myself, and I like it alot. Don't worry though I am always cautious and use discernment.

Today at Valle del Sol, we had so many kids. In the classroom for kids under 7, we had at least 40 kids. We also had a group visiting from Brazil that dediced to help out. The kids learned a song in Portuguese. That was cool. While we sang, I thought of my friends, Jim and Shelley, at home.

The classroom was somewhat crazy because we lost our lead teacher, at least for now. If you could pray for the church in Valle del Sol and the president of the barrio, there is a lot of tension and it is affecting the ministry. Please pray that Clara would come back and be able to teach again. Pray that people would be able to get along and humble themselves, specifically the president of the barrio.

Even with the chaos, The kids had a lot of fun. We had a piñata, as a surprise, today and they loved it. It was such a blessing to see that many children there and then to also be able to have two surprises for them, the group from Brazil and a piñata. We almost didn't have enough supplies for all the kids, but God is faithful and everything turned out great.

It was a wonderful day.

July 29, 2011

Speechless

Tonight I am at a lost for words. God is showing me things that I have never acknowledged before and I am not sure what to do with them. He is showing me things that I have struggled with all my life, but God has been so good to me. This past few days God has been clearly showing me things that need to change in my life and He has made Himself very evident to me in my daily life here in Costa Rica. Have you ever wanted a clear sign from God to tell you what you need to do or change, well those signs for me have been popping up left and right. Today, I felt overwhelmed, I was like, "Okay God I get it, please stop." I know that was not the right response, but I needed time to process everything (I later went back, repented, and thanked God for showing me the way to go and His truth).

When you have been believing so many lies for so long, it is overwhelming when you see the Truth. I have been diving into the depths of my heart to see where these issues have come from so that these lies won't come back into my life again. I have also been reading God's Word and meditating on His truth so that I won't fall back into believing these lies. When I can articulate what God is teaching me and the layers of my life that are being pulled back, then I will share more, but God sure is amazing. I know all of this is being done to prepare me for something in the future and I am excited to see where this leads. God is good.

July 28, 2011

The girl nobody loved...

I am reading this book right now called, "Doris: The Girl Nobody Loved". This biography is based off of the life of a young girl who was rejected by her mother, abandoned, brought to an orphanage where she was abused regularly by the director, and eventually comes to know God's love through a group who comes to the orphanage.

While reading the first chapter, my heart just broke for this girl, who felt so ugly and unloveable. I felt like I just wanted to jump through the pages and wrap her in my arms and tell her that she is loved. I can't understand how someone can choose to not love a child.

This story has reminded me of my first mission trip in college to a children's village for orphans, called Caminul Felix, in Oradea, Romania. It was there that I met a little girl, named Andrea. From day one that girl stole my heart. She was the quiet one who would sit while others played and would smile while the others laughed.

I was instantly drawn to this girl, because I could tell that she had been hurt and needed a friend. As the week went on, I learned that she had been found abandoned in the trash on the side of the road. This sweet little girl had been rejected by the only person she knew, her mother.

Every day in the children's village,  I would look for Andrea and I would talk to her and play with her, even though we didn't speak the same language we understood one another. We would smile, hold hands, play games, and make funny faces to make the other person laugh. The other girls at the children's village would come up to me and ask me, "why do you want to play with her"? Even at the orphanage Andrea could feel the sting of rejection from her peers because she was shy and guarded.

On my second to last day in the village, Andrea said something to me that changed my life. As we were saying goodbye for the evening, she asked me with her head bent down, "Will I ever be as pretty as you"? I was shocked at her question. How could this precious, sweet, and beautiful little girl think that she was ugly. I remember looking at her with tears filling my eyes and saying, "You already are".

This is how I think God looks at His children. We can be so quick to judge ourselves and critique ourselves, that we lose sight of who are in Him. At one point in time or another, we have all given into the lies that we are unbeautiful, unworthy, and unlovable. While all the while, God was watching and pursuing you wishing you could see yourself, the way He sees you...His beautiful and holy child, who is loved. It is this love that moves me to serve and it is this love that I want to share with others.

You see I didn't see Andrea as anything but beautiful from day one, and the fact that she did was so heartbreaking for me. She is one of the reasons I dedicated my life to helping at-risk children.

God doesn't see you as anything, but loveable, worthy, and beautiful, you just have to trust in Him and accept your identity in Him through Christ.

July 27, 2011

An unexpected day...

Desert Song by: Hillsong

This song has been on my mind lately so I wanted to share it with you. Today, I stood still before the Lord. I praised God and prayed, but mostly I tried to listen to the Truth that He is speaking into my life. Today, during our break at school, I sat in silence listening to worship music. After school, I went out with a friend for coffee, which now looking at it was totally a God thing. As I sat there listening to my friend, she talked about her job back in the states and how she helps people. Hearing the testimonies that she shared and hearing about her job, they spoke directly to my heart. I have to admit I wanted to cry because I had only met this lady twice, but she was speaking truth about God into my life over things that I have been dealing with and I didn't even tell her anything about my life. She had no idea the impact that conversation was having on me, but God did. We sat there and talked, but I just tried to listen. I didn't share much about my life with her because I wanted to just listen. It was great, I know God provided that moment for me and allowed her to speak Truth into my life and help guide me.

Then later on today, I had another great unexpected moment. As I was babysitting, guess what movie we watched? This was the DVD that was already in the player when I arrived and the one the kids picked out, "The Prince of Egpyt". Yeah that's right, the story of Moses and God's love for His people. Since my arrival to Costa Rica, I have been studying Moses and God's faithfulness and now I got to watch some of the story unfold on the television screen. Not only did I watch this amazing story, but I also got to explain God's love and faithfulness to the children I was babysitting. Even though, they knew the basics of the story a couple of them had never watched the movie so I explained it to them. After the movie, one of the kids was asking me about the rocks (ten commandments) that Moses was carrying at the end of the movie, so I went and found a children's Bible and read the rest of the story to him. While I was reading, I stopped and asked him if he wanted to go play with the other kids, and his reply was, "No, this is the best story". I just smiled and thought yeah I think so too.

What an amazing unexpected day, thank you Lord.

July 26, 2011

Be still and know...

None but Jesus by: Hillsong

I did have something that I wanted to share that I started writing earlier, but I don't think now is the time to share it. I have been doing alot of thinking lately about God, and He has been revealing alot to me about Him and who He has made me to be. However, this morning when I started dwelling on all these things again and His truth I got to a road block. It felt like God was telling me to stop thinking for a moment and just be still. I have been doing a ton of thinking lately on life and God, and He knew that now I needed time to process it all and just accept it as His truth. So His words to me are, "Be still". This has never been something easy for me to do so I am trusting in Him to show me what this really means. This is not something I should do, but it is something that I have to do.

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth". Psalm 46:10

July 25, 2011

Fear God...what does this mean?

So I left my last post with this thought that we need to fear God. Almost as quickly as I finished that blog, I realized I didn't understand what it means to fear God. When I think of fearing God, for some reason I automatically picture a guy with a Bible and a megaphone yelling at me about how I am going to hell if I don't believe in the God. But that is not what I am not talking about when I say that we should fear the Lord, so let's look at Scripture...

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise." Psalm 111:10

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." Proverbs 1:7

So it is safe to say that fear is a good place to start when looking at our relationship with the Lord. Do you "fear of the Lord"? Why or why not? Was there ever a time in your life when you did fear the Lord? If so, why?

God created the universe and He is the same God as yesterday, today, and tomorrow(Hebrews 13:8). He is the one who was, and is, and is to come (Revelation 4:8). So in knowing that to be true, our God as described in the New Testament is the same God as found in the Old Testament. This is hard for some people to grasp.

We want to think that our fear should be different than the Israelites' fear of God or even the unbelievers' fear of God. We want to make our fear seem less fearful and seem more as this respect and awe sort of thing, but this is not the way it should be (Francis Chan).

People in Scripture who loved God had this fear of God. What did Moses do when the Lord first appeared in the burning bush? He hid his face, why? Because he was afraid (Exodus 3:6). What did Isaiah do when he saw the Lord? "Woe to me, I am ruined" (Isaiah 6:5). What did John do when He saw the Lord? "I fell at his feet as though dead" (Revelation 1:17). That isn't normally the way someone would act unless they were afraid. What makes you think your reaction to seeing the Lord would be any different? When you see God you will fear Him, we all will (Francis Chan).

Without this fear of God we wouldn't be able to understand God's power. The same power that is available to us through the Holy Spirit. Why do we find comfort in the verse, "I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me,"? (Philippians 4:13) Because we know through Scripture what God is capable of and we know His power and strength.

"The fear of the Lord leads to life: then one rests content, untouched by trouble." Proverbs 19:23

We start with this fear of God, but God out of His love for us doesn't keep us there. God told Moses, "I will be with you," God was comforting Moses (Exodus 3:12). God took Isaiah's guilt away and sin, in order for Isaiah to stand before the Lord without fear (Isaiah 6:6-7). With John, God said, "Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last" (Revelation 1:17).

"I am the first and the last; apart from me there is no God," (Isaiah  44:6). In Isaiah 44:8, God says, "do not tremble, do not be afraid". We start with fear, but God does not keep us in that fear. God like He did with Moses, Isaiah, and John comforts us and tell us to not be afraid. Why though?

You see once you admit your fear and humble yourself before the Lord with the understanding that you are nothing apart from Him, you don't need to fear.

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Once you see God than nothing else matters. You see this is not about you, this is about God. Your life is not your own. Apart from Him, we are nothing, and only through Jesus can we find our identity. Only through Jesus can we be secure and find comfort, in knowing that the Lord of the universe loves us enough to allow His only Son to die for our sins. God is that good and powerful that He can wipe away all our sins and guilt, and make us new. Through our fear in God, we are led to life.

"The fear of the Lord leads to life: then one rests content, untouched by trouble". Isaiah 19:23

We rest and become untouched by trouble, because we feared the Lord and have been led to everlasting life.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 26:1-2

If you have never feared the Lord, but have a desire for the Lord maybe this should be your prayer, "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name". (Psalm 86:11)

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge..." Proverbs 1:7a

July 24, 2011

Our God is Greater

"The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?" Psalm 27:1

"I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind," 2 Timothy 1:7

Out of those verses and others, I can see that I am not suppose to fear (I talk about fearing God later for those of you wondering). If you have ever heard the worship song "Our God is Greater," then you know this verse, "If our God is for us then who can ever stop us? And if our God is with then what can stand against us?".

There are many things in life that can cause us to have anxiety or fear, but with God nothing can stand against. Keep that in mind when you are afraid or when you have anxiety. Our God is greater and stronger than anything in this world, He has already overcome the world through Jesus Christ.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all of creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Remember this also...
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:10-12.

We can't be strong on our own against evil, but we are called to be strong in the Lord. Our war is against the powers of this dark world and the forces of evil. This is true so we need stand strong in the Lord and have faith in Him, that will protect us and guide us.

I say this to you so that you may be reminded of these truths just as much as I need to be reminded of them. Since, I was little this spiritual battle has never been hidden from me. I have noticed it at a young age and God continues to open my eyes to it. Very few people know this, but when I was in college this battle became even closer for me. My freshman year, I started experiencing stronger demonic dreams (I had a few as a child). These dreams go above nightmares, there is something very evil present in them it is hard to describe it, and at times these dreams seem so real. I would awake up in fear and sometimes be trembling. This continued to happen on and off throughout college, and then my junior year something new happened. This year was particularly hard for me emotionally and one night I was physically attacked by something evil. I was being choked in bed by something I could not see, this was not a panic attack. I was scared. The only thing I could do was barely whisper "Jesus," repeatedly until finally the choking stopped and then I could yell, "Jesus". I then proceeded to cry and sang every worship song I knew and recited every Scripture I had memorized. This has been my way to battle the powers of darkness ever since, cling to Jesus, be in His Word, and praise His name. I still have the demonic dreams every now and then, but I still continue to cling to God. I will admit that I struggle with fearing evil forces, but I always bring that before the Lord because I know I should fear only Him. No matter what Satan tries to throw at me, I know God is with me because I am His child.

"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11

"Great and marvelous are your deeds, Lord God Almighty. Just and true are your ways, King of the ages. Who will not fear you, O Lord, and bring glory to your name? For you alone are holy. All the nations will come and worship before you, for your righteous acts have been revealed." Revelation 15:3-5

Fear nothing but the Lord. God is true and just, your life could not be in better hands than in the hands of God. He will lift you up in your time of need. Be strong in the Lord.

Prayer Request:
I have had a few demonic dreams since I have been in Costa Rica and this usually happens when something good is taking place. So I know something good is happening here, but the dreams do make it hard to sleep sometimes at night so if you could please pray for me to sleep well and rest in the Lord, that would be greatly appreciated. Or pray that His will would be done and that I would continue to be strengthened in Him. Thank you.

I share my personal testimony on my spiritual warfare so that you would know that God is good and faithful. Satan can not win this battle, he has already lost. Fear not the evil forces or powers of this world, but be strong in the Lord and learn to fear only Him. To God be the glory and honor, forever and ever.