Okay so everyone goes through these dry spells of feeling like God is not close, even though we still always know that he present (omnipresent). According to the book that I have been meditating on for a while, Experiencing God through Prayer by Madame Guyon, the author says that God sometimes uses those moments to allow our faith to be tested. Those moments of feeling distant from God can allow us to really grow in our faith. I say all of that to help you understand that even though for the past couple of months I have felt distant from God, it is in that "distance" that I have never felt closer or more loved by God. This is not to say that God's love for me has changed but rather I am now beginning to understand what His love really means. I have been beginning to understand through the practice of prayer, repentance, and confession how much God really loves me and wants me to be happy. Even though, those moments of feeling God's presence right next to me comes and goes I know that God will never leave me or forsake me, I know He loves me! My faith is changing as I continue to use those times of "distance" to fully devote myself to Lord and strengthen my faith.
However, even though I have felt some "distance" at times....when I do again feel God's presence, it has been amazingly different! It is almost like saying hi to an old friend and feeling a sense of peace and happiness once you see that person again. God is always present but during those times when I do feel alone I use those moments to really take ownership of my faith and trust in God. It is like saying, "Even though God I don't feel your presence right now, I know you still love me. Thank you for trusting me enough to let me do this one on my own, my your Holy Spirit still guide me and lead me." Your relationship with God has to be one of trust and honesty, you can't hide anything from God.
Needless to say I have been blessed a lot over the past few months and the blessings continue to come. It is great when you are able to look back at your life and see God's hand in everything. Even now in Wisconsin, God is still continuing to bless me and use me in new ways that I never could have imagined. He has placed me with a wonderful family, I could not have asked for a more perfect family for me. He has also taken care of all my needs and still He continues to give me opportunities to reach out to others, what a blessing!
May 25, 2010
May 21, 2010
It's Been A While...
I am leaving for Wisconsin tomorrow to work as a Children's Minister at a church called RiverGlen Christian Church. I am super excited and I can't wait to go to work on Monday! (I know I have never said that before)
This past few months of transitioning in my life have been hard but amazing! I have been able to get to know some amazing new people at a small group in Bloomington and I have been able to become closer to a couple of great friends. I am beginning to see God in new ways. Two things that I learned this past few months is that no one is perfect except the Lord alone and that you should should hate what is evil and cling to what is good. I know that these lessons seem obvious but if you ponder these two thoughts for a while you can see how these lessons need to be applied to your daily life.
We live in a society where we think we need to be a certain way or act a certain way to live a happy life, this is false. No one is perfect but God alone. True happiness cannot be found outside of God. I dare you to try to live a happy life without God, it can't be done. Millions of people have tried and failed...alcohol does not make people happy (ask an alcoholic), money does not make people happy (money comes and goes, just ask Adolf Merckle), and most of the time people do not even make other people happy (have you ever been in crowd of people and still felt alone?). Never assume that everyone around you has it all together because we are all human. The pursuit of happiness requires sacrifice and work but it can be done (just ask me).
On this pursuit of happiness besides loving the Lord, you must also love your neighbors as yourself. This can be hard to do because this means that you have to love that annoying person next door or that co-worker who doesn't do anything right. This even means you have to love your family, and when you come from a broken or abusive home this is not an easy task and most often times can be the most difficult. It is easy to give grace to those outside of our families but sometimes it is our families that need your grace the most. True love means forgiving those who have hurt you and choosing to love them anyways just because, no strings attached. This means turning the other cheek. Even if you know that your chances of getting hurt again are high you choose to love them anyways. Sounds easy, right? Think again. Remember no one is perfect, we all need forgiveness and grace.
That was the first thing that I have learned, the second is this to hate what is evil and cling to what is good. Evil should be hated because it is the opposite of good. I always thought I should never hate anything, I was wrong.
March 24, 2010
Spiritual Conflict
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. " 1 Peter 5:7-8a
This past year, I have grown a lot in the Lord and I have learned a lot about who I am as a person and who God is. This is not to say that I have not made mistakes but rather I am now looking and seeing my mistakes through God's grace and my sinfulness. Self-control is something that I personally struggle with and is something that I have worked hard at developing. Every day, I make a conscious effort to make sure that my life is in line with God's word and Christ's example. I love the imagery in 1 Corinthians that Paul uses of a race, and how he talks about everyone who participates in a game under goes strict training.
"They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:25-27
There is a struggle that takes place when you try to follow God. There are times when I feel like I have to beat my body to make it a slave not only to me but to God. There are times when I don't want to go to church and when I don't feel like reading my Bible. There are times when I don't want to volunteer to help someone in need and there are times when I feel like being lazy. However, it is during those times that I have to push those thoughts and my feelings aside and look at the bigger picture. It's not about me.
"Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering." 1 Peter 5:8b-9
Our minds is one of the biggest battle grounds that we will ever face in trying to resist the devil. It is in our minds that he wants control but we have to resist him and be self-controlled and alert. Satan does not try to destroy your life all at once, no he does it over time. Like, "oh I am going to read my Bible tomorrow, not today". Then two weeks later you still have not picked it up or every time that you were about to something just came up, coincidence I don't think so. I have found that the times when I am not in God's Word, is the also the times when Satan tries to attack me the hardest. I then start to get really down and strangely enough things just keep going wrong, one right after the other. It is at those really low moments, that I dive back into God's Word it is like a wake up call, "What in the world have you been doing, see what you have been missing out on". Sometimes we need help from others to keep our minds oe the right track. Reading the Word is so important, we need to stand firm in our faith and build our foundation in order to resist the devil.
This past year, I have grown a lot in the Lord and I have learned a lot about who I am as a person and who God is. This is not to say that I have not made mistakes but rather I am now looking and seeing my mistakes through God's grace and my sinfulness. Self-control is something that I personally struggle with and is something that I have worked hard at developing. Every day, I make a conscious effort to make sure that my life is in line with God's word and Christ's example. I love the imagery in 1 Corinthians that Paul uses of a race, and how he talks about everyone who participates in a game under goes strict training.
"They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:25-27
There is a struggle that takes place when you try to follow God. There are times when I feel like I have to beat my body to make it a slave not only to me but to God. There are times when I don't want to go to church and when I don't feel like reading my Bible. There are times when I don't want to volunteer to help someone in need and there are times when I feel like being lazy. However, it is during those times that I have to push those thoughts and my feelings aside and look at the bigger picture. It's not about me.
"Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering." 1 Peter 5:8b-9
Our minds is one of the biggest battle grounds that we will ever face in trying to resist the devil. It is in our minds that he wants control but we have to resist him and be self-controlled and alert. Satan does not try to destroy your life all at once, no he does it over time. Like, "oh I am going to read my Bible tomorrow, not today". Then two weeks later you still have not picked it up or every time that you were about to something just came up, coincidence I don't think so. I have found that the times when I am not in God's Word, is the also the times when Satan tries to attack me the hardest. I then start to get really down and strangely enough things just keep going wrong, one right after the other. It is at those really low moments, that I dive back into God's Word it is like a wake up call, "What in the world have you been doing, see what you have been missing out on". Sometimes we need help from others to keep our minds oe the right track. Reading the Word is so important, we need to stand firm in our faith and build our foundation in order to resist the devil.
March 01, 2010
Family
I went home this past weekend and I started to think about how important family is to me. For me, there is nothing like coming home and being greeted by the ones you loves. I love going home and spending time with them. I love everything about my dysfunctional but some how manageable and lovable family. We are all far from perfect but no matter what either one of us does or how much trouble we get into, we always know that our family is there for us. I know if something ever happened to anyone in my family there would be a long line of people there ready to help out and tackle any problem that needs to be solved.
It just amazes me how God is able to put a family together. Growing up, I never doubted my parents love for me. My parents and I were talking the other day about how wonderful our family is and I was wondering how did God create such a great family so I started talking to my parents. During our conversation my dad said, "Your mother and I gave both you and your brother our lives". I started laughing and told them, "Who are you kidding? We are your lives," and then we all started laughing, because we all know it is true. After our talk, I realized that the reason why this family is so great is because of the love that we share with God, one another, and others.
Like an excellent parent, both of my parents have given up their lives for their children and there has never been a moment when I doubted my parents love for me. I know that no matter what happens I always have them to lean on. My dad is the greatest man I know and, besides my grandfather, the hardest worker I know. My mother is one of the funniest and craziest people I know and my best friend. My brother is just awesome, he knows what he wants, works hard, and is very smart. We all are not perfect but we still love one another.
I remember when I first came to school at Lincoln Christian University and I was surprised that there were so many people who did not have a close relationship with their parents or family. It just amazed me because I never thought there was anything "abnormal" about my family's relationship with one another, I just figured that most Christian families were as close as us. However, I quickly learned that my family was different, we are close and we get along with one another, not all the time, but the majority of the time. Then when we were talking as a family the other day, I realized how cool my parents really are and how even when I was in grade school, I had the coolest parents. I had the best room parents in elementary school and even now my friends still continue to tell me how awesome my parents are.
According to world standards, my family has every reason to fall apart and be broken. Not all of us are related by blood and my parents have two rebellious children. However, we are able to stay strong in our relationships with one another because my parents encourage me and my brother to do better in life and they love us more than they love themselves. While growing up, I had the parents who would tell me I would have to be home before all the other children and still even when I was a senior in high school I had the earliest curfew. I can still remember my mother saying, "there is nothing good that happens after dark". I can't count how many times my father would show up to a friend's house and embarrassingly take me home because I never called to let them know where I was or who I was with. I just look back on those moments now and laugh, I thank God for giving me parents who love me enough to make sure I stay on the right path and who love me enough to "make me" go to church. Without their parental guidance, I don't know where I would be.
Building a strong family is not easy but even with all the hardships it is well worth it. My brother and I still joke about our parents but both of us know that we would do anything for them any day and we both love them both dearly.
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother"- which is the first commandment with a promise- "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:1-4
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." - Proverbs 22:6
It just amazes me how God is able to put a family together. Growing up, I never doubted my parents love for me. My parents and I were talking the other day about how wonderful our family is and I was wondering how did God create such a great family so I started talking to my parents. During our conversation my dad said, "Your mother and I gave both you and your brother our lives". I started laughing and told them, "Who are you kidding? We are your lives," and then we all started laughing, because we all know it is true. After our talk, I realized that the reason why this family is so great is because of the love that we share with God, one another, and others.
Like an excellent parent, both of my parents have given up their lives for their children and there has never been a moment when I doubted my parents love for me. I know that no matter what happens I always have them to lean on. My dad is the greatest man I know and, besides my grandfather, the hardest worker I know. My mother is one of the funniest and craziest people I know and my best friend. My brother is just awesome, he knows what he wants, works hard, and is very smart. We all are not perfect but we still love one another.
I remember when I first came to school at Lincoln Christian University and I was surprised that there were so many people who did not have a close relationship with their parents or family. It just amazed me because I never thought there was anything "abnormal" about my family's relationship with one another, I just figured that most Christian families were as close as us. However, I quickly learned that my family was different, we are close and we get along with one another, not all the time, but the majority of the time. Then when we were talking as a family the other day, I realized how cool my parents really are and how even when I was in grade school, I had the coolest parents. I had the best room parents in elementary school and even now my friends still continue to tell me how awesome my parents are.
According to world standards, my family has every reason to fall apart and be broken. Not all of us are related by blood and my parents have two rebellious children. However, we are able to stay strong in our relationships with one another because my parents encourage me and my brother to do better in life and they love us more than they love themselves. While growing up, I had the parents who would tell me I would have to be home before all the other children and still even when I was a senior in high school I had the earliest curfew. I can still remember my mother saying, "there is nothing good that happens after dark". I can't count how many times my father would show up to a friend's house and embarrassingly take me home because I never called to let them know where I was or who I was with. I just look back on those moments now and laugh, I thank God for giving me parents who love me enough to make sure I stay on the right path and who love me enough to "make me" go to church. Without their parental guidance, I don't know where I would be.
Building a strong family is not easy but even with all the hardships it is well worth it. My brother and I still joke about our parents but both of us know that we would do anything for them any day and we both love them both dearly.
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother"- which is the first commandment with a promise- "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:1-4
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." - Proverbs 22:6
February 25, 2010
GOD wants YOU to be HAPPY
I can't imagine how parents feel when they watch their children go down the wrong path or choose a way of life that they know is going to cause them pain and suffering. As a parent, I am guessing that you would do everything in your being to try to stop them or to help them find their way. I wonder how much harder it is for God to watch His children continue to be disobedient and choose a lifestyle that causes them pain and suffering, and ultimately death. God is continually reaching out to His children and trying to guide them and restore them, but even though God has given us all we will ever need, we continue to pull away from Him.
It hurts me to watch people make the wrong choices and settle for things in life that are less than what God has ultimately planned for their life. I am not saying that I know what is best for someone's life but I know someone who does, God. In reading His Word, I wonder why do we do all of the stupid things in life that we do? Why would we settle for anything less than what God has planned for our lives? Why do we settle for working at a job that makes us miserable? Why do we choose to be in unhealthy relationships? Why do we continue trying to convince ourselves that we can change people, when ultimately we believe that God is the only one who can transform someone's heart?
God never planned for you to be miserable or to hurt or to experience pain. He never created you so that you would be left alone to fend for yourself. God loves you and wants you to be happy. The only way that we can live a life fully alive is in Christ, by leaving our old sinful ways behind along with all of our sinful desires and thoughts. God is always present and wants what is best for us. This does not mean that God gives us what is best for us right away, sometimes we have to be willing to wait for it. He always has our best interest at heart. I encourage all of you to never settle for anything less than what God has planned for your life. If you wonder about what God has planned for your life look at Scripture, pray, and seek out other believers to ask for help. The answer may not always be clear but we can be sure that if we put our trust in God everything will work out for the better, even if at the time God gives you an answer you don't want to hear. Have faith!
It hurts me to watch people make the wrong choices and settle for things in life that are less than what God has ultimately planned for their life. I am not saying that I know what is best for someone's life but I know someone who does, God. In reading His Word, I wonder why do we do all of the stupid things in life that we do? Why would we settle for anything less than what God has planned for our lives? Why do we settle for working at a job that makes us miserable? Why do we choose to be in unhealthy relationships? Why do we continue trying to convince ourselves that we can change people, when ultimately we believe that God is the only one who can transform someone's heart?
God never planned for you to be miserable or to hurt or to experience pain. He never created you so that you would be left alone to fend for yourself. God loves you and wants you to be happy. The only way that we can live a life fully alive is in Christ, by leaving our old sinful ways behind along with all of our sinful desires and thoughts. God is always present and wants what is best for us. This does not mean that God gives us what is best for us right away, sometimes we have to be willing to wait for it. He always has our best interest at heart. I encourage all of you to never settle for anything less than what God has planned for your life. If you wonder about what God has planned for your life look at Scripture, pray, and seek out other believers to ask for help. The answer may not always be clear but we can be sure that if we put our trust in God everything will work out for the better, even if at the time God gives you an answer you don't want to hear. Have faith!
February 23, 2010
Restless Heart
For the past three weeks, I have not been myself. I have let my heart be burdened by the things in this world that I cannot change and by worry about the future. My heart is restless. I am constantly moving toward where I feel God pulling me and trying to leave behind the things of this world and not worry, for those of you who know me this is my biggest struggle. I am called to leave behind the people (whom I love), the places I have lived, the places I have seen, and essentially my life.
This sounds like crazy talk, right? Who would want to leave the things they love behind? However, over the years I have slowly but surely been able to give over pieces of my life to God and now I am coming up to the cliff where I have nothing else to give. All I have to do is jump off. This point, this edge is by far the most exciting and the most frightening. You know the feeling, you are on a roller-coaster up to this point you have just been inching your way up to the top and suddenly here it is. There is no turning back now....ahhh, there you go swirling around corners and turning upside down. Laughing and raising your hands most of the way through until you return safely back to your starting point.
All that you have to do to enjoy this amazing ride is climb aboard and make it over that first high point and you are on your way. But what goes through your mind at that high point? You have no idea what is on the other side, you have no idea how much farther you have to go to reach the top. However, what if you reached that high point, and the roller-coaster engineer stopped the ride and said. "Just wait here for a while and then we will start it back up again". WHAT! Oh no, now you are really in for a treat. What do you do? What's going through your mind now? Panic, anxiety, worry, etc.
This is the season in my life where I am at, I am ready to jump, I am ready to go over that high point, but I am being called to wait. This is the weirdest scariest funniest feeling in the world, and here I am. I am waiting for the Lord to guide me and to reveal His purposes for me in His timing, which when you are waiting let's be honest feels like a long time. Although, I trust in the Lord, I know that His plans for my life are more amazing than anything I could possibly imagine. I already know how the story ends thanks to His Word.
"It is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11 (The Message)
This sounds like crazy talk, right? Who would want to leave the things they love behind? However, over the years I have slowly but surely been able to give over pieces of my life to God and now I am coming up to the cliff where I have nothing else to give. All I have to do is jump off. This point, this edge is by far the most exciting and the most frightening. You know the feeling, you are on a roller-coaster up to this point you have just been inching your way up to the top and suddenly here it is. There is no turning back now....ahhh, there you go swirling around corners and turning upside down. Laughing and raising your hands most of the way through until you return safely back to your starting point.
All that you have to do to enjoy this amazing ride is climb aboard and make it over that first high point and you are on your way. But what goes through your mind at that high point? You have no idea what is on the other side, you have no idea how much farther you have to go to reach the top. However, what if you reached that high point, and the roller-coaster engineer stopped the ride and said. "Just wait here for a while and then we will start it back up again". WHAT! Oh no, now you are really in for a treat. What do you do? What's going through your mind now? Panic, anxiety, worry, etc.
This is the season in my life where I am at, I am ready to jump, I am ready to go over that high point, but I am being called to wait. This is the weirdest scariest funniest feeling in the world, and here I am. I am waiting for the Lord to guide me and to reveal His purposes for me in His timing, which when you are waiting let's be honest feels like a long time. Although, I trust in the Lord, I know that His plans for my life are more amazing than anything I could possibly imagine. I already know how the story ends thanks to His Word.
"It is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:11 (The Message)
February 18, 2010
Conflict
I know it has been a while since I last wrote but to be honest I have just been thinking and reflecting a lot on conflict. It is hard to love others especially when there is a personality conflict, but however hard it maybe you are still called to love one another. I am not a person who likes to start a conflict and most of the time I try to avoid conflict at all cost or at least keep the peace to the best of my ability. I am a peacekeeper and I don't like to make waves or disrupt order.
Although, when you are in a position of leadership there comes time when you are going to make waves and conflict will arise. Being a peacekeeper is not an issue but avoiding conflict is. You should not avoid conflict but rather embrace it and work through it, in a loving and gentle way to the best of your ability. Jesus did not avoid conflict but rather talked about conflict and prepared his disciples to handle conflict. Jesus knew that conflict would arise. Take for example Paul and Barnabas in the book of Acts (ch. 15) they had a disagreement, they were in conflict with one another. However, out of that conflict both of them parted ways and were able to spread the Gospel. Do you not think that God can use conflict for His own purposes?
In leadership, you can never make someone do something that they do not want to do but rather you can try to work with them to the best of your ability. People do not want you to do what you would like to have done to you, but rather what they would like to have done to them. Not everyone thinks the same and not everyone acts the same. Working with people takes the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
"Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity if the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit.." Ephesians 4:2-4a
Although, when you are in a position of leadership there comes time when you are going to make waves and conflict will arise. Being a peacekeeper is not an issue but avoiding conflict is. You should not avoid conflict but rather embrace it and work through it, in a loving and gentle way to the best of your ability. Jesus did not avoid conflict but rather talked about conflict and prepared his disciples to handle conflict. Jesus knew that conflict would arise. Take for example Paul and Barnabas in the book of Acts (ch. 15) they had a disagreement, they were in conflict with one another. However, out of that conflict both of them parted ways and were able to spread the Gospel. Do you not think that God can use conflict for His own purposes?
In leadership, you can never make someone do something that they do not want to do but rather you can try to work with them to the best of your ability. People do not want you to do what you would like to have done to you, but rather what they would like to have done to them. Not everyone thinks the same and not everyone acts the same. Working with people takes the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
"Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity if the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit.." Ephesians 4:2-4a
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