Walking Home...

Everything is going to be okay, but that is not because you are an optimist or because of anything you do. Everything is going to be okay because I am in control. I am God.

Those are the words that came into my head tonight as I walked home from an incredible day. As I walked I took a deep breath, more like a sigh of relief, and began thanking God for all of His many blessings. I have been stressed this week and today I have been having this feeling of just not being good enough. As I prayed God reminded me of who He is. I have been more than blessed, and that is not because I am good enough, smart enough, or liked enough. I have been blessed not because of anything that I have done or deserved. God out of His goodness, grace, and faithfulness, out of who He is has given me more than enough. He always has and He always will.

The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we also are His children.'

Acts 17:24-28

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:25-33

Fear

Fearing God. This is what I have been learning about for the past week. I started focusing on God's character/attributes in order to get a better picture of who God is. I wanted to get a better of who God is in order to fully understand why I should have a holy fear of God.

Psalm 25:12-14
Who is the man who fears the LORD?
He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
His soul will abide in prosperity,
And his descendants will inherit the land.
The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him, 
And He will make them know His covenant.

Psalm 33:6-9
By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,
And by the breath of His mouth all their host.
He gathers the waters of the sea together as a heap;
He lays up the deeps in storehouses.
Let all the earth fear the LORD;
Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him.
For He spoke, and it was done;
He commanded, and it stood fast.


God has the power to do anything He pleases. He has authority over all things including us for we are apart of His creation. He lifts us up in our time of need and because of His grace and mercy we can be called children of God. Not only are we His children but we are also His friends. What a privilege that is. We have to be careful though not to downsize who God is, even though we are His children and His friends...we are also His slaves, but thank God that we serve a good and loving Master, who causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him (Rom. 8:28).

Having a healthy fear of God is a good thing. A healthy and holy fear of God is good and beneficial as we see in Psalm 25:12-14. God promises good to those who fear Him (Psalm 31:19-20). Really, how can you not fear God when you see His power and holiness (Psalm 33:6-9)? For I know that I am unworthy and it is only through Christ that I stand, it is only in Christ that I can be called a child of God. In knowing this and seeing my own weaknesses, I fear the Lord, but out of His love, grace, and mercy He comforts me with His Spirit. I fear the Lord because He alone is holy. Out of this fear of the Lord, I can also find rest and peace. For if I fear the Lord alone, who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and always present, then what else do I have to fear (Psalm 27:1-3)? Nothing.

Psalm 31:19-20
How abundant are the good things
   that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
   on those who take refuge in you.
In the shelter of your presence you hide them
   from all human intrigues;
you keep them safe in your dwelling
   from accusing tongues.

Psalm 27:1-3
The LORD is my light and my salvation—
   whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
   of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked advance against me
   to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
   who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
   my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
   even then I will be confident. 

The Lord is...
Faithful
Good
Holy
All-knowing
All-powerful
Unchangeable
Always present
Creator
Sovereign
King of kings and Lord of lords
Trustworthy
Love
Righteous
Savior
Redeemer
Pure
True
Majestic
Warrior
Peace
Friend
Sustainer
Great
Gracious
Merciful
Judge
Patient
Compassionate
Perfect
Master

For the past week or so, I have been dwelling on the characteristics/attributes of God, it has been amazing. He is amazing. I have also realized that my perspective on God has got to change.

I tend to sometimes "dumb-down" God in my head because the god in my head does not always look like the one true God. The god in my head I can control and has limits, and the more I see God for who He is the more I realize that the god in my head does not always reflect the one true God. Needless to say my living does not always reflect the one true God, for how can I reflect God if I do not have a correct perspective on who God is.

Our perspectives on God matters, because our actions and how we live day to day matter. Our daily living should reflect the one true God, but in order to do that we need to put into perspective who God is. We need to get rid of the god in our minds and focus on the one true God.

The Marks of Immaturity, and How to Keep Growing

I recently found this blog post by John MacArthur and I loved it. As some of you know, God has been teaching me about the importance of spiritual maturity so I wanted to share with you a post about this topic.

The Marks of Immaturity, and How to Keep Growing (link)
 By: John MacArthur  
 
Selfishness is one telltale sign of immaturity. Babies are completely self-centered. They scream if they don't get what they want when they want it. All they are aware of are their own needs and desires. They never say thanks for anything. They can't help others; they can't give anything. They can only receive.


And certainly there's nothing wrong with that when it occurs in the natural stage of infancy. But to see a child whose development is arrested so that he never gets beyond that stage of helpless selfishness—that is a tragedy.

And that is exactly the spiritual state of multitudes in the church today. They are utterly preoccupied with self. They want their own problems solved and their own comfort elevated. Their spiritual development is arrested, and they remain in a perpetual state of selfish helplessness. It is evidence of a tragic abnormality.

Arrested infancy, in turn, results in a lack of discernment. Just as a baby crawls along the floor, putting anything it finds in its mouth, spiritual babies don't know what is good for them and what isn't. Immaturity and failure to be discerning go together; they are virtually the same thing.

The tendency to stall in a state of immaturity also existed in New Testament times. Paul appealed to Christians repeatedly to grow up spiritually. In Ephesians 4:14-15, he wrote, “We are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves, and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ” (emphasis added).

How do we grow spiritually? By “speaking the truth in love” to one another. We grow under the truth. It is the same truth by which we are sanctified, conformed to the image of Christ, made to be mature spiritually (John 17:17, 19). As we absorb the truth of God’s Word, we grow up and are built up. We might say accurately that the process of spiritual growth is a process of training for discernment.

Hebrews 5:12—6:1 underscores all this:

Though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity.

The writer of Hebrews was telling his readers, “You're babies. You've been around long enough to be teachers, but instead I have to feed you milk. I have to keep giving you elementary things. You can't take solid food. You're not accustomed to the rich things of the Word—and that is tragic.”

Notice that in verse 14 he says discernment and maturity go hand in hand: “solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.” Knowing and understanding the Word of righteousness—taking in solid food—trains your senses to discern good and evil.

The word “senses” in that verse is not a reference to the feelings, emotions, or other subjective sensory mechanisms. The writer of this epistle is explicitly encouraging his readers to exercise their minds. Those who “because of practice have their senses trained to discern” are the wise, the understanding, people who thrive on the solid food of the Word of God. As we have seen from the beginning, discernment results from a carefully disciplined mind. Discernment is not a matter of feelings, nor is it a mystical gift. Notice from the wisdom literature of the Old Testament how closely discernment is linked with a seasoned, developed, biblically informed mind.

• Psalm 119:66: “Teach me good discernment and knowledge, for I believe in Thy commandments.”

• Proverbs 2:2-5: “Make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding; for if you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding; if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will discern the fear of the Lord, and discover the knowledge of God.”

• Proverbs 10:13: “On the lips of the discerning, wisdom is found.”

• Proverbs 16:21: “The wise in heart will be called discerning.”

The path to discernment is the way of spiritual maturity. And the only means to spiritual maturity is mastery of the Word of God.

Most people are discerning about things that are important to them. People who regard a healthy diet as crucial watch carefully what they eat. They read the fine print on the package to see how many grams of fat it has and what percentage of the daily required nutrients it offers.

People who work with pesticides or dangerous chemicals must be very discerning. They study the procedures and the precautions very carefully to avoid any potentially lethal exposure.

People who make investments in the stock market usually practice discernment. They study the cryptic listings in the newspaper on the stock market and watch the ticker tape.

Lawyers are very discerning with contracts. They have to figure out the legal jargon and make sure they understand what they are signing.

People who undergo delicate surgery are usually very discerning. They try to find the doctor with the finest skills—or at least verify that he has plenty of experience in whatever procedure he will be doing.

I know lots of people who are very discerning sports enthusiasts. They watch a football game and can assess any offense, any defense, any play. They often feel they are more discerning than whoever is calling the actual plays. They study statistics and averages and take it all very seriously.

Did you realize those are essentially the same skills that are required in spiritual discernment? Careful thought, keen interest, thorough analysis, close observation—together with alertness, attentiveness, thoughtfulness, and above all, a love of truth. All of us have those skills to some degree, and we use them in whatever field of endeavor is important to us.

Yet what could be more important than spiritual discernment?

There is no valid explanation for why contemporary Christians are so undiscerning—but it reveals a spiritual apathy that is deadly evil.

Can the church regain her ability to be discerning? Only by growing up spiritually. That means confronting the spirit of a relativistic age and diligently applying ourselves to the unfailing Word of God. We cannot gain discernment overnight, or through a mystical experience. Understanding the problem is not the answer. Discernment will come only as we train our minds to be understanding in the truth of God’s Word and learn to apply that truth skillfully to our lives.

*The link to the original post can be found by clicking on the title. (October 26, 2011)

Divorce...My Letter to A Friend

This blog/letter goes out to one of my dear friends. Thank you for being such a great friend. May God comfort you in your time of need and lift you up.

As you know, my parents were separated before I was born and when I was 2 years old my mother remarried. Even though, my parents were separated before I was born and I have blessed with a wonderful "step-dad" ( I don't like that word because he has never been a step-dad in my eyes). With that said, even though I have been blessed with a wonderful family I still had to deal with the effects of my parents' divorce. I still had to deal with awkward family visits and all of those crazy emotions that go along with that.

Over the years, I have had to deal with my feelings of abandonment and rejection. I know this might sound crazy, but I have even had to deal with guilt from my parents' divorce. I didn't feel guilty about the actual divorce, but in some ways I did feel guilty for the pain that followed. For many years, I struggled with finding my place among my family members. Then when things got too hard, I tried to isolate myself from one of my parents and some of my family and that didn't work out so well (I wouldn't recommend it). I struggled a lot with forgiveness and even to this day there are times when I still struggle with this. I have to continually be bringing my negative emotions and thoughts before God and repenting of my sin and forgiving my dad for his.

After a divorce, things become difficult. Life becomes more difficult. I wish I could say that some day your life will feel "normal" again, but it never will. Your life is forever changed. Your relationship with your parents is forever changed. You will feel hurt, betrayed, and rejected. You might start to feel guilty or think that you did something wrong, but don't believe those lies. There is nothing you could have done to change anything. You don't control your parents' actions or decisions. I know you have already started learning about the sin in your parents' lives and you will be angry at one or both of them. You will start to see your parents with a different point of view. They are no longer the parents that you had put up on a pedestal as a young girl, instead now they are just people with messy screwed up lives. This is my advice to you. Forgive them. Both them. Seriously both of your parents love you. I know this to be true. This has taken me a long time to actually believe in my own life but it is true. One parent (or even both) just has a really REALLY crappy way of showing it, but be patient and full of forgiveness. They are still your parents and I know you love them so don't hold on to that anger and resentment.

Also, from now on in some situations with your parents you might have to be the "adult". I know this isn't fair because you are their child, but this is something you have to do. We are past the age when we think that our parents know everything, we have already figured out that they don't, so let them learn from your actions. Set an example of love and forgiveness for them, and pray for them often. They are both hurting as much as you are, even if they don't show it. Also, I know this will be hard at least it was for me and I can imagine it will be for you too, but don't take sides. Don't choose one parent over the other or gossip back and forth between your parents. Be honest with your mom and dad and tell them how you are feeling and when you are hurting. Don't store those emotions up, they will just come back later.

In all of this don't loose hope. Cling to God. He sees your struggles and He loves you more than your parents ever could. For He created you and formed you. He knew you before your parents knew you. You are a daughter of the Most High. Remember that and glorify Him in everything you think, say, and do.

And last but not least remember you are not in this alone. You are not the first person/daughter to go through a divorce and you will not be the last. Know that I am always here for you and I love you.

This weekend has been great in many ways. I have had many good conversations with friends about God. I absolutely love spending time with my sisters in Christ talking about God and His love. I also got to see the kids yesterday which is always a blessing. I love those kids. This week we talked about David and Goliath and the kids loved it. Each week the kids interact more with the lesson and with the activities we are doing, which is exciting to see. A couple of the kids which normally have kind of a grumpy attitude and don't smile, smiled this week! Which of course made me smile, I love it when Sharon smiles and interacts with the teachers and the other children. There were also a few new girls who came to the class and are coming back next week. There were also more classroom helpers from within the community. A couple of the girls are teenagers who have children in our class and one teenage girl just decided to start helping, I love it. This week I tried interacting more with the helpers and the other teachers. I am not sure what God is going to do with this but I am excited to see what happens. Discipleship is something that God has been placing on my heart.

I am going to be very transparent so God guide my words as I write. A couple of weeks ago, there was a sermon in church about Hebrews 5:12-14....

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.

This sermon really stuck with me and it still is. You see for months I have been struggling with God. I came here and thought okay God help me learn Spanish and train me for ministry and has He ever! Not only has He given me a language lesson, but He has completely ripped open my mind, my heart, and my eyes. At first, I will admit I was angry. I complained and called out to God, asking why in the world would He take me to this country only to bring up things that I didn't want to talk about. I stayed for along time in the dark dwelling in my own self-pity and crying a lot. I will admit I was completely lost and depressed. I just wanted to run and hide, but I am in Costa Rica and the only place I could "run to" was downtown San Jose. All of my security blankets in life had been stripped away and here I am in Costa Rica trying to pick up the pieces of my life and hold everything together.

The streets of downtown San Jose became my friend in the middle of my first trimester. I am not sure why God brought me comfort when I walked those streets but He did. In some way, He was using those streets to reach out to me. I would look around and see people smiling and laughing, but then I would look into the eyes of some people and see the same sadness in their eyes as the sadness that I was trying to hold inside. I felt broken and lost. In the midst of all of this, I would get glimpses of hope through words of encouragement that were spoken to me or that I would find in Scripture, but honestly I never really took those words to heart. I am not sure why, believe me I wanted to but as soon as that hope and comfort would come I felt like it was taken away. I had this spiritual blindness over my eyes and as much as I struggled and pushed my way towards God, I was growing weak inside. I knew something was wrong. Looking back I can see God in my moments of weakness and sorrow, and I know that in my blogs you can see Him to because all of things that I have written about are things that He was teaching me or trying to.

However, this sadness and darkness continued into my second trimester, this trimester. God gave me someone who I felt I could open up to and talk with, but I often felt guilty and shame for opening up to her. I thought for sure she would runaway or reject me at some point and then I would be left alone again, just me and God (who I thought was clearly not answering me). I thought I had to bear all of these issues myself. I thought there is something wrong with me and if I can't fix it then how is someone else going to be able to fix it. I wanted to be "fixed" as if I were in a truck that was broken down on the side of the road. I was just waiting for it (my life) to start back up again or for someone to pass-by the road and offer to lift me out of this state of mind. Well, there was no quick fixes. You see things got worst before they got better. God sent a few people into my life to help me but they helped me by holding me accountable and by asking hard questions (which is exactly what I needed but that was not what I wanted). They asked questions that frankly I didn't want to answer and that I thought I didn't have the answers to. In all of this, I failed to really acknowledge God as my master and as my Lord. I was trying to fix everything on my own, I was in some way trying to play the role of god in my life, as if I could have control over everything.

God has and continues to be faithful in all of this. The more I continued opening up my mind and my heart to others and the more I started being honest not only with others but also myself, the more God started revealing Himself to me. I started to see more of God for who He is (my Lord, Savior, Master, Redeemer, Friend, and First love) and who I am (a rebellious, self-centered, sinful girl who is saved by grace and seated in Christ in the heavenly realms, a child of God made in His image). I have for many years lived on spiritual milk and at this time when I should be teaching I have had to be taught the basic principles of the faith all over again. This was hard for me and very humbling. God has had to allow me to be broken down in order to lift me up in Christ. God continues to train me and guide me on the path of righteousness. I have always made excuses for my behavior and for my actions, but now I am calling them what they are disobedience to God. I no longer want to live in disobedience but in obedience. I want to live with an eternal mindset and glorify God in everything I do. I know there will be times when I fail, but thank God that my victory is Christ, whose Spirit lives within me. Guilt, shame, and worry will no longer control me but the love, grace, and peace of God will.

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only, that but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us". - Romans 5:1-5

Downtown San Jose...

 Bring the Rain by: MercyMe

A couple of days ago, I went into downtown San Jose. I usually go down there to walk around and people watch or do a prayer walk down the streets. However on this particular day, there was something else that I needed to do, I needed to go and repent. I was overwhelmed by my sin (disobedience) and God's love so I knew what I needed to do. I needed to go spend some time on my knees so I got on the first bus to downtown San Jose and headed towards the National Cathedral.

The moment I walked in and went to the pew, I just went to my knees and started praying. Not only did I start praying, but I started bawling. God has been revealing more and more of Himself to me and the more He reveals Himself to me the more I realize how weak I really am without Him. This has truly been a humbling time. God has been taking me apart piece by piece this past few months and even though, this has not been an easy process it is definitely been a beautiful process. I am so thankful that God doesn't just leave me where I am, but that He continues molding me and transforming me. He is the potter and I am the clay.

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." - James 4:7-10

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." - Matthew 5:4