Sometimes God makes me laugh... I was having a bad day the other day and out of nowhere I get this desire in me to laugh. Laughing out loud in class is usually not a problem for me because I laugh all the time. However, on this particular day I was done. My body was physically done and so was my spirit, at least I thought so. I had been filled with anxiety all day and I had spent a good portion of my breaks from class getting sick from worry. This anxiety had been with me all weekend and by Monday I was done.
On this day, I went to a Women's Bible Study. To be honest, I really did not want to go to this study and I was not in the "mood" to go, but I went any ways. God gave me more peace in that hour then I had had all weekend, this blew my mind. I really couldn't understand why I had been trying to get rid of my anxiety all weekend and then all of a sudden in the place where I didn't want to be God decide okay let's remove this worry. (I have to admit that this added to my confusion and frustration.) After the study, my first reaction was okay I am done, I am leaving. However, I knew I had to finish out the school day. I went into my next class still thinking about the Bible study and determined not to talk in class so that I could just sit there thinking about everything. Then it hit me, I was listening to my friend Sarah give an example of one of our grammar rules and I lost it. I just started laughing. She didn't even say anything really funny, but I just started laughing so hard that I started to cry. It was great. God knew I needed to laugh.
After a weekend/week of stress and anxiety, it was almost like God said okay you need to laugh so He just put this joy in my heart that just made me burst out into laughter. That might have not been the most appropriate time to laugh out loud but it was for my heart. After that laugh, I still did not have much energy but my spirit was definitely a bit better. It was like in that moment of laughter I saw a glimmer of hope that things were going to get better.
I can recall one other time where that had happened. I had just returned home from a mission trip to Italy and the team and I were doing a group prayer. We were all stressed and the tension in the group was really intense. We were in the middle of praying and I lost it. I just started laughing so hard that I about fell over with laughter. That was not an appropriate time to laugh but the Lord knew that we all need to laugh. Before, I could stop laughing and apologize for interrupting the prayer the whole team was bursting into laughter (2 people did actually fall on floor laughing) and the tension was lifted.
God used those moments of laughter to bring me back to Himself. I knew that everything was not automatically better in that moment but that moment of laughter and joy reminded me that He is with me and He also reminded me of His love for me. In grammar class, I wanted to continue laughing out loud but at the same time start really crying, because God was reaching out to me in my moment of weakness in a way that only He knows how to do. God knew what I needed in that moment and He provided me with everything I needed.
October 11, 2011
October 10, 2011
My Prayer...
Lord, there are many things in life that I do not understand, but I know in your perfect timing you reveal to me what I need to know. You give me grace and understanding in my time of need. In those times of uncertainty and anxiousness, please help me to find comfort and peace in You. For I know that nothing is hidden from you. I am not hidden from you. I often feel unworthy of your love and rightly so for I know I am a sinner. It is only by your grace that I stand and through your Son that I live.
Lord, please forgive me for not always appreciating the life that you have given me and for not appreciating the sacrifices you have made. I can't imagine what this must be like for you, to see your daughter so broken and knowing that you have given your only Son for her. Thank you for loving me and for constantly pursuing me even when my heart becomes like stone.
I know that you won't give up on me but still Lord I pray that no matter what please continue to transform this heart of stone. Please remember me. You know how stubborn I can be and you know my rebellious ways. Open my ears and my heart so that I may listen to advice and accept discipline. I long to grow in wisdom and understanding. Lord, I long to be closer to you.
Search me Lord and continue bringing to the surface anything that is not of you so that my heart may be completely yours. Mold me and transform me. Protect me Lord from the lies that often fill my mind. May I take captive every thought and bring them before you. Even now Lord as I try to push forward through this difficult time words that should be encouraging often get turned around in my mind and become disheartening. Help me to see the truth and the love in those words. God I want to mature in you, please continue to train me to distinguish good from evil.
Lord, I put my trust in you. You alone are good.
Lord, please forgive me for not always appreciating the life that you have given me and for not appreciating the sacrifices you have made. I can't imagine what this must be like for you, to see your daughter so broken and knowing that you have given your only Son for her. Thank you for loving me and for constantly pursuing me even when my heart becomes like stone.
I know that you won't give up on me but still Lord I pray that no matter what please continue to transform this heart of stone. Please remember me. You know how stubborn I can be and you know my rebellious ways. Open my ears and my heart so that I may listen to advice and accept discipline. I long to grow in wisdom and understanding. Lord, I long to be closer to you.
Search me Lord and continue bringing to the surface anything that is not of you so that my heart may be completely yours. Mold me and transform me. Protect me Lord from the lies that often fill my mind. May I take captive every thought and bring them before you. Even now Lord as I try to push forward through this difficult time words that should be encouraging often get turned around in my mind and become disheartening. Help me to see the truth and the love in those words. God I want to mature in you, please continue to train me to distinguish good from evil.
Lord, I put my trust in you. You alone are good.
October 09, 2011
Romans 8:26-30
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
October 07, 2011
El fin de semana...
My grammar test went well today, but I will find out my grade on Tuesday. By the time grammar class was over today my head was getting ready to explode. We are getting into some complicated grammar rules so after class today my brain needed a rest so after school I came home and took a nap. I kind of love days like these.
Once I woke up from my nap, I read for a little bit while listening to worship music and drinking coffee. My friend, Liz, introduced me to a worship band called Enter the Worship Circle and now I have been listening to them non-stop. Last night at her house, a group of women from school got together to chat and we made homemade pretzels, cheese dip, and an organic bath scrub. I also discovered why people drink decaf coffee, because then you can drink coffee at night (what a fabulous idea!). I am now a fan of decaf coffee. Tonight, I got together with some friends and went to dinner and a movie. It was fun and a good way to end the week.
Tomorrow, I will be heading to Valle del Sol to work with the kiddos. I am excited to see their faces, it has been almost two weeks since I have seen them last. Last Saturday, there was a picnic at school that I helped organize so I couldn't go. Although, I heard that the kids had a party and of course they loved it. Special thanks to Jon for the coloring books, we have been using them for the Bible lessons.
Also, I wanted to let all of you know that I am praying about the possibility of staying at Language School for another trimester. It has been such a blessing to be able to be here and I would love to stay another trimester if it is God's will. If you could join me in praying over this I would greatly appreciate it. I am always grateful for all of your prayers, thank you to everyone who has partnered with me both prayerfully and financially."I thank my God every time I remember you" (Phil. 1:3)
*Just as a side note, I have also added a Donate tab on the right if you would like to partner with me financially and support me in my future language learning/ministry training.
Within the past two weeks/month, there has been a few different long-term ministry opportunities that have been brought to my attention (one I purposely searched for and three others have presented themselves to me). Please be praying for me as I consider all of these options and continue to seek God's guidance and will.
Once I woke up from my nap, I read for a little bit while listening to worship music and drinking coffee. My friend, Liz, introduced me to a worship band called Enter the Worship Circle and now I have been listening to them non-stop. Last night at her house, a group of women from school got together to chat and we made homemade pretzels, cheese dip, and an organic bath scrub. I also discovered why people drink decaf coffee, because then you can drink coffee at night (what a fabulous idea!). I am now a fan of decaf coffee. Tonight, I got together with some friends and went to dinner and a movie. It was fun and a good way to end the week.
Tomorrow, I will be heading to Valle del Sol to work with the kiddos. I am excited to see their faces, it has been almost two weeks since I have seen them last. Last Saturday, there was a picnic at school that I helped organize so I couldn't go. Although, I heard that the kids had a party and of course they loved it. Special thanks to Jon for the coloring books, we have been using them for the Bible lessons.
Also, I wanted to let all of you know that I am praying about the possibility of staying at Language School for another trimester. It has been such a blessing to be able to be here and I would love to stay another trimester if it is God's will. If you could join me in praying over this I would greatly appreciate it. I am always grateful for all of your prayers, thank you to everyone who has partnered with me both prayerfully and financially."I thank my God every time I remember you" (Phil. 1:3)
*Just as a side note, I have also added a Donate tab on the right if you would like to partner with me financially and support me in my future language learning/ministry training.
Within the past two weeks/month, there has been a few different long-term ministry opportunities that have been brought to my attention (one I purposely searched for and three others have presented themselves to me). Please be praying for me as I consider all of these options and continue to seek God's guidance and will.
October 06, 2011
I am not a morning person...
Anyone who knows me really well knows that I am not a morning person. I am the kind of person who can't really have a conversation until after I have been up for at least an hour. Even then any loud noises before 9am feel like they are 10 times louder then what they really are. With that said, what am I doing waking up at 5:30 in the morning? My alarm is always set for 6:15am or 6:30am.
I am not quite sure why my body has all of a sudden decided that it is going to start waking up at 5:30am, but I can tell you this...that half an hour to an hour in bed each morning has been wonderful. The first morning I was like, "You have got to be kidding me" then I proceeded to toss and turn for the next 45 minutes and praying about whatever/whoever came to mind. The next morning when I woke up early again I complained at first and struggled to go back to sleep then I proceeded to pray about whatever/whoever came to mind. This has been going on for a few days. Each morning that I have woken up early my complaining and struggling to go back to sleep has gone down more and more. I am not sure if this is something that I am suppose to be getting into the habit of doing, waking up early in the morning and praying before I get out of bed, but hey it is not a bad habit to get into. If God is trying to teach me something through this I can definitely see a theme, do less complaining and struggling and more praying.
Tomorrow I have another Grammar test. This tri-mester has been flying by I can't believe it is already October.
I am not quite sure why my body has all of a sudden decided that it is going to start waking up at 5:30am, but I can tell you this...that half an hour to an hour in bed each morning has been wonderful. The first morning I was like, "You have got to be kidding me" then I proceeded to toss and turn for the next 45 minutes and praying about whatever/whoever came to mind. The next morning when I woke up early again I complained at first and struggled to go back to sleep then I proceeded to pray about whatever/whoever came to mind. This has been going on for a few days. Each morning that I have woken up early my complaining and struggling to go back to sleep has gone down more and more. I am not sure if this is something that I am suppose to be getting into the habit of doing, waking up early in the morning and praying before I get out of bed, but hey it is not a bad habit to get into. If God is trying to teach me something through this I can definitely see a theme, do less complaining and struggling and more praying.
Tomorrow I have another Grammar test. This tri-mester has been flying by I can't believe it is already October.
October 05, 2011
Thoughts...
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
"For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us." 1 Corinthians 2:11-12
What do these verses mean in my life right now? Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about the future, how I love and serve others, my habits, the ways that I express emotions, and I have been thinking about what it means to be obedient. I have also been thinking about my thoughts. I have been analyzing my thoughts and trying to take captive every thought and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
I was brought back to Isaiah 55 and I spent some time thinking about how my thoughts are not His thoughts and my ways are not His ways. My thoughts if left unattended and not dwelling on God's Truth often lead to worry and anxiety. Those thoughts are definitely not God's so I have been praying for God to direct my steps and make His ways my ways and His thoughts my thoughts. I know I have been given the Spirit of God so I pray for the Spirit to work in me and through me. I also pray that the Spirit would continue to mold me into the woman that He has made me to be and fill me with understanding and wisdom that only comes from the Lord.
"For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us." 1 Corinthians 2:11-12
What do these verses mean in my life right now? Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about the future, how I love and serve others, my habits, the ways that I express emotions, and I have been thinking about what it means to be obedient. I have also been thinking about my thoughts. I have been analyzing my thoughts and trying to take captive every thought and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
I was brought back to Isaiah 55 and I spent some time thinking about how my thoughts are not His thoughts and my ways are not His ways. My thoughts if left unattended and not dwelling on God's Truth often lead to worry and anxiety. Those thoughts are definitely not God's so I have been praying for God to direct my steps and make His ways my ways and His thoughts my thoughts. I know I have been given the Spirit of God so I pray for the Spirit to work in me and through me. I also pray that the Spirit would continue to mold me into the woman that He has made me to be and fill me with understanding and wisdom that only comes from the Lord.
October 04, 2011
Habits...
Over the past couple of years, I have realized that there are some habits that need to change in my way of thinking. For example, how I deal with emotions. I have never been very good about expressing emotions and instead of really talking about them I have always found ways to hide them. I have a habit of hiding my internal emotions behind my external issues or struggles. As I have grown older I have become better at hiding my internal emotions and even my external struggles, because as an adult and a believer you surely can't show your weaknesses to others. You are suppose to have it all together. Those are lies. You should share your emotions/weaknesses with someone else and you don't have to have everything put together, but I didn't believe that before or take that to heart. I thought okay whatever I am struggling with is my problem and I have to figure out a way to deal with it before someone sees that something is wrong.
"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2
I had this idea that whatever is making me struggle emotionally is in some way my fault...I must have did something wrong. Sometimes there is a sin that I need to confess and repent of and other times I just need to forgive. I had this idea before that I had to do this all on my own it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I started learning about what it really means to confess, repent, and forgive.
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." - Mark 11:25
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." - James 5:16
This transformation and renewing of my mind is still taking place as I continue to come before God with this realization that I am nothing without Him and everything in Him. It is through Him that I am made new, a child of the most High, and free.
"Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—" - John 1:12
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2
"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2
I had this idea that whatever is making me struggle emotionally is in some way my fault...I must have did something wrong. Sometimes there is a sin that I need to confess and repent of and other times I just need to forgive. I had this idea before that I had to do this all on my own it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I started learning about what it really means to confess, repent, and forgive.
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." - Mark 11:25
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." - James 5:16
This transformation and renewing of my mind is still taking place as I continue to come before God with this realization that I am nothing without Him and everything in Him. It is through Him that I am made new, a child of the most High, and free.
"Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—" - John 1:12
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2
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