The World Keeps On Spinning

Do you ever have those moments that you wish you could freeze in time or at least in your long-term memory bank? I know I do. Like for example, my first time going out of the country. Looking back, I now wonder what it felt like to enter Mexico or what I smelled as soon as I crossed the border. I wonder how silly I must have looked when trying to speak Spanish and interact with the children.  It is during those precious moments that I try so hard to soak in everything so that later on I can remember exactly how I felt and how things were.  However, no matter what I do I always seem to forget something.  One way that helps me remember all of my feelings and experiences is journaling.  I love to journal, but I often find myself struggling to write on paper because I am not sure what to say or what to keep out or add, and then before you know it I have either wrote too much or later on I remember things I should have added.  There are many things that I have not added to this blog and to my previous journals but bear with me as I continue to try to share my precious moments and thoughts with you.

This past week has been a whirlwind of events. My grandfather Leon passed away, which has been very hard. I don't quite remember crying so much in one week as I have this past week. However, I have loved spending time with my family and bonding with some relatives that I don't get to see nearly as much as I would like too. This has been one of my biggest fears in being away from home, I have feared that the ones I love will pass away and I won't be able to be there to mourn or help comfort my family. It still bothers me that I may not always be able to come home when I lose a loved one, but now I see that although it is very difficult and very hard.... life must go on. I kept hearing over and over again this past week, "Death is just apart of life".

Even though, you may want to slap the person who tells you that while you are mourning you have to admit that it is true. Death will come to us all, it is just apart of life, but with the Lord's strength and guidance life will go on and the world will keep on spinning even when it feels like there is no hope. One thing I know for certain is that we can always find our hope in the Lord.

I can be described as a tumbleweed

A tumbleweed is the above-ground part of a plant that, once mature and dry, disengages from the root and tumbles away in the wind. Usually, the tumbleweed is the entire plant apart from the roots, but in a few species it is a flower cluster.^[1] The tumbleweed habit is most common in steppe and desert plants. The tumbleweed is a diaspore, aiding in dispersal of propagules (seeds or spores). It does this by scattering the propagules either as it tumbles, or after it has come to rest in a wet location.^[2] In the latter case, the tumbleweed opens mechanically as it absorbs water; apart from its propagules, the tumbleweed is dead. (Wikipedia, yes I do believe it is a reliable source).  


Much like the tumbleweed, once I was mature enough I broke apart from everything I knew. I went out into the world and started exploring this beautiful creation. Tumbling about from place to place, I learned new things.  I met new people and scattered a few seeds along the way. 


As, I grow older this tumbling process continues as I continue to go where I feel my heart and God are leading me.  I have been blessed to have been where I have been and I am blessed to be at the place where I am now.  I try with every ounce of my being to not take these moments for granted because I know that my time here is not long.  I know that my life on earth is fleeting.


"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8

I can be happy just about anywhere....

I have been very happy these past few weeks. I am loving my work at church and I am learning a lot about how to organize and plan events, as well as managing volunteers and keeping volunteers. Also, I have been able to spend a lot more time with the children.  This past week at the church the kids had their A.O.K. (Acts of Kindness) Week, where the children served all week both at the church and in the community. Seeing the children serve and help others really touched my heart: they donated food, raised food for the food pantry, served food, helped clean the church and a local golf course, and they also had the opportunity to help some recent tornado victims. It was amazing to see the children serving and to see how God is working in their lives.

I jumped out of bed....

I wrote this last Tuesday but forgot to publish it so here it is......This morning I woke up full of energy and ready to go.  I looked at my clock at 6:15am and thought why can't it be 7:15 already so for the next hour I rolled around in bed until finally it was 7:14am, that was good enough for me!  I jumped up out of bed and got ready to go, I even managed to have some extra time this morning to write in this blog.

Most of you might be wondering okay you are happy, I get it.  However, I have been listening to a set of sermons that I have downloaded at work from a conference and this guy, Chris Lemke has been talking to me every morning about having a child-like faith.  Chris calls this something like having the okayness of a 3 year old.

A 3 year old does not analyze the little problems, which I often find myself doing and wasting time over.  A 3 year old does not ask very many questions about someone who they are meeting for the first time, so there is very little judgment that takes place in the mind of a 3 year old. I was walking the other day with my host mom and we passed a little boy wearing a diaper and a t-shirt standing inside his house looking out the door. My guess is that he is about 2 years old and while we walked past his house he looks at us outside and yells hi and waves. He doesn't care that he is in a diaper standing in doorway and yelling at complete strangers. He is just concerned about the people that are outside his house. I wonder what would happen in our churches if we had the okayness of a 3 year old?

Desks are not for me.....

      I love interacting with people and with children so I am having kind of a hard time sitting still at a desk.  Anyone that knows me from college knows that I can't sit in one spot for very long.  My friends and I have had many good conversations and fun times during our breaks from homework, which basically consisted of leaving the library and walking around campus for five minutes before returning to the libary.  Within a two hour period I could have had at least two walks/breaks in.

     However, I do love that my work at the church serves a specific purpose and is heading towards a specific goal in reaching out to the children and families in the Waukesha area.  Everything I do has purpose/meaning behind it so no task is just busy work, although at times I will admit it does feel like it is.  Right now, I am just adjusting to a new environment.  I wanted a new experience and I definately found one.  God has been amazing through and in this all.  Everyday I am continuing to learn new things about Him. 

   For instance, I often wonder you know where God is going to lead me and what His will is for my life, but the answer is that I already know.  Yes, I might not know the specifics but as long as I am loving Him, loving others, and servingeverything is going to be okay.  I don't have to keep wondering where God is going to lead me or what might happen next because if I lose my selfishness and find myself completely made alive in Him than I already know what His will is for my life. It is in the ordinary every day life that His Will can be seen. It doesn't matter where I am or who I am with as long as my relationship and heart is right with God. The only thing that we are given is today this moment, we are not promised tomorrow.

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." - James 4:13-14

I have been thinking a lot about the future and worrying about the future because nothing seems completely clear what is going to happen or where I will be.  However, I know the only thing that matters is the here and now. I am loving God, loving others, and serving with all of my heart.

What a Blessing!

  Okay so everyone goes through these dry spells of feeling like God is not close, even though we still always know that he present (omnipresent).  According to the book that I have been meditating on for a while, Experiencing God through Prayer by Madame Guyon, the author says that God sometimes uses those moments to allow our faith to be tested.  Those moments of feeling distant from God can allow us to really grow in our faith. I say all of that to help you understand that even though for the past couple of months I have felt distant from God, it is in that "distance" that I have never felt closer or more loved by God. This is not to say that God's love for me has changed but rather I am now beginning to understand what His love really means. I have been beginning to understand through the practice of prayer, repentance, and confession how much God really loves me and wants me to be happy. Even though, those moments of feeling God's presence right next to me comes and goes I know that God will never leave me or forsake me, I know He loves me! My faith is changing as I continue to use those times of "distance" to fully devote myself to Lord and strengthen my faith. 
  However, even though I have felt some "distance" at times....when I do again feel God's presence, it has been amazingly different! It is almost like saying hi to an old friend and feeling a sense of peace and happiness once you see that person again. God is always present but during those times when I do feel alone I use those moments to really take ownership of my faith and trust in God. It is like saying, "Even though God I don't feel your presence right now, I know you still love me. Thank you for trusting me enough to let me do this one on my own, my your Holy Spirit still guide me and lead me."  Your relationship with God has to be one of trust and honesty, you can't hide anything from God.
  Needless to say I have been blessed  a lot over the past few months and the blessings continue to come. It is great when you are able to look back at your life and see God's hand in everything.  Even now in Wisconsin, God is still continuing to bless me and use me in new ways that I never could have imagined. He has placed me with a wonderful family, I could not have asked for a more perfect family for me. He has also taken care of all my needs and still He continues to give me opportunities to reach out to others, what a blessing!
 

It's Been A While...

   I am leaving for Wisconsin tomorrow to work as a Children's Minister at a church called RiverGlen Christian Church. I am super excited and I can't wait to go to work on Monday! (I know I have never said that before)

   This past few months of transitioning in my life have been hard but amazing! I have been able to get to know some amazing new people at a small group in Bloomington and I have been able to become closer to a couple of great friends. I am beginning to see God in new ways. Two things that I learned this past few months is that no one is perfect except the Lord alone and that  you should should hate what is evil and cling to what is good.  I know that these lessons seem obvious but if you ponder these two thoughts for a while you can see how these lessons need to be applied to your daily life.

   We live in a society where we think we need to be a certain way or act a certain way to live a happy life, this is false. No one is perfect but God alone. True happiness cannot be found outside of God. I dare you to try to live a happy life without God, it can't be done. Millions of people have tried and failed...alcohol does not make people happy (ask an alcoholic), money does not make people happy (money comes and goes, just ask Adolf Merckle), and most of the time people do not even make other people happy (have you ever been in crowd of people and still felt alone?).  Never assume that everyone around you has it all together because we are all human. The pursuit of happiness requires sacrifice and work but it can be done (just ask me). 

   On this pursuit of happiness besides loving the Lord, you must also love your neighbors as yourself. This can be hard to do because this means that you have to love that annoying person next door or that co-worker who doesn't do anything right. This even means you have to love your family, and when you come from a broken or abusive home this is not an easy task and most often times can be the most difficult. It is easy to give grace to those outside of our families but sometimes it is our families that need your grace the most. True love means forgiving those who have hurt you and choosing to love them anyways just because, no strings attached. This means turning the other cheek.  Even if you know that your chances of getting hurt again are high you choose to love them anyways. Sounds easy, right? Think again. Remember no one is perfect, we all need forgiveness and grace.

   That was the first thing that I have learned, the second is this to hate what is evil and cling to what is good.  Evil should be hated because it is the opposite of good. I always thought I should never hate anything, I was wrong.