It's been a while...

I have been enjoying spending time with family and friends. I have really loved being able to relax and just go with the flow of each day. Since I have been home, I haven't made any detailed plans (yes I know when some people are coming over to my house or when I may be going to visit someone but as to what we will do or what will happen that is always a mystery). I have loved not having a daily routine, there are things that I do throughout the day to bring in some sense of normalcy, but pretty much every day has been a surprise.

Since I have been home I have felt like God is trying to teach me something. I am not sure what this something is so I have been trying to sit to down and analyze things that He has been bringing to mind. I have started reading "Extrordinary Faith" by Sheila Walsh, but then I decided to put it down and wait til I get back to Costa Rica so that my friend Emily and I can read it together and discuss it. Now I have started reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and watching the video sessions that go along with the small group curriculum. I am not sure what will come out of this reading or what I am suppose to be focusing on. However, God has been bringing relationships (and the different aspects of relationships) to my mind a lot lately. I am not sure what He is doing in this area of relationships, so I have just been trying to follow where I feel the Spirit is leading me. I hope to expand on this idea on relationships more later, but for now let me share something that has been on my heart today.

I know I have been gone for a while and that since I graduated college 2 years ago my friends have been moving around the country and that things have been changing in their lives. We have all been going through a period of transition, but that doesn't make this time any easier for any of us. I have been aware of these changes in my own life and in the lives of my friends, but today all of it really hit me pretty hard. I can't be here to comfort my friends when they are hurting and I can't be here to encourage them when they need it most. That is hard for me, especially when I can relate to their pain and I know how hard the road ahead of them is going to be. It hurts me to see the pain on my friends' faces especially when I know that they feel alone, I want with all my heart to say that I will be there for them now and in the future, but honestly I don't know if I will. I can't put exactly what I want to say into words so I am going to write out my prayer for them tonight...

God I have no doubt that I am where you want me to be in life. Even with all of the transitioning that is taking place around me you have given me this sense of peace. I know it has taken a while for me to get to this point, but I pray that my friends could feel this peace as well. I know that you know their hearts better than I do so God I know that you know how much they love you and desire a relationship with you. Please cover them in your grace and fill their lives with your joy and peace as they continue to live out their lives in obedience to you. God I am not sure why you do some of the things that you do or why you allow certain things to happen, but I do know that your ways are good. I pray that during their times of trails that they would turn to you. God open their hearts also to others so that they may live in community with other believers. Please bless my friends with more friends, widen their home teams Lord so that in their times of need that they might be encouraged by the faith and actions of others. May they find comfort in your Word and seek you with all of their hearts. God give them the strength to move when you say go and the strength to stay when you say stay. May their hearts never been hardened. I pray that in all circumstances Lord that they would learn to give thanks and I pray that even in the midst of their darkest moments that they would be able to find even the tiniest glimmer of light and hope. God your timing is perfect. You are good. I know you won't give them anything that they can't handle, so God in those moments where they feel broken and alone please lift them up and help them to see you. Open their eyes to see and their ears to hear. May their hearts always seek yours. I love them Lord, but I know you love them more so I lift their lives up to you. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of their lives and thank you for the memories that we share and continue to make no matter how far the distance may be between us. God I pray all of these things in your name, Amen.

Home Sweet Home...

I have made it home! The past few days have been a whirlwind of events, but it has been wonderful. What have I loved the most about being home? Actually being in my home. I have loved seeing my home fill with laughter of friends and family. I have loved sitting on the floor in the living-room writing thank you notes and reading. I have loved curling up on the couch in a blanket in front of the Christmas and smelling my mom's cooking and baking drifting in from the kitchen. However, I have also enjoyed the lunch dates, coffee dates, and living-room conversations that I have had with friends and family. I have really enjoyed catching up on their lives and meeting some of my new family members!

Seeing and hearing about all of the changes that have taken place since I have been gone I think has been one of the hardest things. Also, hearing English 24/7 has been an adjustment and I will be honest the U.S.American Culture is not one of my favorites so adjusting back into the culture is going to take some time (Now that I think about I don't really have a favorite culture, but you get the idea). On a lighter note, I actually drove the other day which was really strange for me and as much as I don't like driving, I really enjoyed the freedom that comes from driving and having a car. I have really enjoyed the open cornfields and being able to look out and see for miles and miles. Another thing that I am trying to adjust to is the climate. It is so cold here! It has yet to snow since I have been home, but I did get to go out in my grandma's backyard and touch some of the snow from a week ago. Ever since I arrived in North Carolina, I have been freezing but I have been bundling up and trying to avoid catching a cold. I don't want to be sick while I am home.

Today my best friend Emily comes into town! To say I am excited is an understatement. I love that girl and I can't wait to see her. Six o'clock can't come soon enough! Once she arrives we are going to spend the weekend together and we are going to start visiting and meeting up with some of our friends. My first week home I dedicated to mostly my family, but this week I am going to spend time with my friends. However, this weekend is going to be dedicated to Ms. Emily Gillis. 8 hours and 30 minutes until she arrives!

Reflection from Second Tri....

I don't think that it has completely hit me that later on today I will be getting on a plane and going home for Christmas. It still feels like on Monday I am going to get up and go to school like normal and everyone is going to be there. However, reality tells me that is not the case. I have spent the past few days saying goodbye to friends, well more like see you later or as a friend of mine said, "see you in Heaven". She meant for that to be a comforting thought and in many ways it is, but I would still like to see her in person before then, God willing, but thank God for the internet so that we can still talk to one another and see each other.

First tri-mester, some friendships formed and this tri-mester those relationships have been allowed to bloom. However, new friendships have also blossomed. I have had the privilege of getting to know some pretty incredible godly women. I have loved getting to know these women and building relationships with them and sharing with them. Those who will be leaving will be greatly missed but I know that God is going to do amazing things through them. I have been able to get to know them and their hearts for the Lord, and it makes my heart glad to know that these girls are going out into the world and will be able to be shining examples of God's love.

You know, I liked my first tri-mester here, but there is something special about this tri-mester...I not only liked my second tri-mester, but I loved it. At the beginning of this tri this is not something I would have expected to say. At the beginning of this tri-mester, I was not in a good place. My first tri-mester was rough, but this tri-mester was much harder for me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. God really did an overhaul in my heart and mind. All of the hardship, tears, and pain that are in this tri-mester have been completely covered by God's love and grace. He has had made the dark areas of my heart light and and all of the baggage that I have carried around for most of my life is no longer in my hands, Christ has taken it all.

This tri-mester, I have grown in my understanding and knowledge of the Lord. If I had to sum up this tri-mester in one word it would be: maturity (to bring to full development or perfected condition). This is what God has been doing in my relationship with Him. Piece by piece, thought by thought God was revealing to me the things that needed to change and that needed to be surrendered over to Him. He has shown me how I need to respond in situations and how I can glorify Him with my life through my thoughts and actions. God has been bringing me into maturity in Him. This has been a hard process but a necessary one. I can't even begin to describe the joy and peace that is in my heart. God is so good.

Thank you Lord for loving me enough to die for me and for transforming me. Thank you Lord for sending your Son. Thank you for coffee shops, restaurants, beaches, and bathroom floors. All of which have wonderful memories of great conversations with you and about you. Thank you for meeting me in those places and revealing yourself to me. Thank you Lord for covering me with your grace and love. Thank you Lord for blessing me with wonderful friends and teachers. May you make their paths straight as they continue to submit to you and lean on you. God bless them during their times of transitions. I pray that you would meet them during their times of grieving and difficulties and comfort them. May they feel your peace and find rest in you. Lord you are sovereign and good. I pray all of these things in your precious name, Amen.

Last day of School...

A reflection will follow soon, but I wanted to let all of you know that today was my last day of language school for 2011. Please be praying for all of the students who will be graduating tomorrow.

Thoughts on Change...

Last night, I was reading about the difference between courage and cowardice, and what it means to be courageous. I have been learning a lot about courage this tri-mester and I have to admit that I have not been very courageous. I often flee from things that stir up hard emotions for me and I often fear, both of those things do not show a life marked by courage. The Spirit has really been working on me in this area and transforming me. Well, as I went to bed last night I have to say I felt pretty good and content as I reflected on this past tri-mester and as I thought about the transformation that has been taking place in my life and how God has been at work. Then this morning, it was brought to my attention that there are some thoughts and emotions that I have been intentionally fleeing from instead of confronting them and bringing them before God. Needless to say I am a work in progress.

What thoughts and emotions have I been fleeing from? My thoughts about the change that is and will be taking place at school, in relationships, over Christmas, and in the future. My emotions of sadness, joy, and loss. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a fan of change. To be completely honest I don't like change, but I am learning to appreciate it and see the divine beauty of it. Let me expand on this a bit.

As I went for a walk today I did what I normally do when I not sure how to put into words what I am feeling so I just ramble in prayer to God. I lay everything out before Him and then somewhere in my ramblings God slows me down. It is like, once I get everything out that is on my heart God is like, "Okay now just listen to me, my child, and think about what you just said". As I walked I prayed about everything that is in my heart concerning the changes coming up and I cried, something that I have not allowed myself to do until now. I have been intentionally trying to keep myself busy and distracted in order to not dwell on the changes that are and will be taking place.

Then as I continued to walk, God helped me to see His beauty and blessings in the changes. Change allows room for transformation, my life is living testimony to this. The beauty of change is that God makes everything new with every new change. He is faithful and sovereign. Change also allows room for growth and maturity in God. Change opens doors for new lessons to be learned and can help deepen our understanding of the Lord and His creation. Change is not something that should be feared but embraced.

This is not to say that change does not also bring about some sense of loss and sadness, but in that sadness you can also find peace and contentment in the Lord, because you know that He is in control over all things.

Sharing is caring...

So let me now add sharing to the list of things that I have been learning about. Over the past few months, I have been learning a lot about the importance of sharing. Now I know that this seems like an elementary topic, but I am not talking about sharing toys or material objects. I am talking about sharing your life, this includes: your sorrows, your struggles, your love, your joy, your faith, etc. Why is it so hard to share some of these things with others?

I know why it has been hard for me to share because I have had a fear of people. I believe if we looked at everyone's answers to the question above all of our answers would be connected by the same word...fear. We all have or have had this fear of people to some degree. I have been learning about how to overcome this fear by placing my fear in the Lord and believing in His sovereignty.

Since, I started on this journey to overcoming my fear of people I have been trying to open myself up more and more to people. I have purposefully been placing myself in some uncomfortable positions in order to be stretched and rely on God's strength. I have talked to people that normally I wouldn't talk to and I have shared bits and pieces of my life that normally I wouldn't share. This has not been an easy process, but I am starting to see everything coming together. I am starting to see the importance of sharing your life with others and being transparent.

There is something beautiful that takes place when you share your life with someone else. I have felt so encouraged by some people that I have shared with recently and God has used them to encourage me to keep on sharing. By sharing my life with others, I am opening myself up to them and being transparent. I am also being obedient to God by trying to live out 2 Corinthians 13:11, "Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace". There is always the risk of rejection, but that is a risk I am willing to take because I know that God is in control over all things and that my identity is in Him.

You never know what might come out of simply saying hi, smiling, or stopping to talk. There is one conversation that I will never forget from high school...a few days before graduation a girl walked up to me and said, "Chelsea, I just want to say thank you for always saying hi and waving at me in the hallway". I wasn't sure why she was thanking me so I smiled and said, "Your welcome, but everyone says hi in the hallway". Her next response shocked me, "No they don't. You are the only one who did". You never know what is going on in someone's life so slow down, and take some time to share with one another and build one another up in the Lord.