Oh how I love you so....

Today, I woke up wanting to be lazy so I just layed in bed for 3 hours listening to music and watching YouTube videos. I love just lying in bed on Saturday mornings.

Then I started to get hungry and realized it was getting late so I had to get ready and go get lunch (mamí usually makes lunch but something important came up today). I was planning on going downtown, but I didn't get ready in time so I settled on going to get some fast food. However, it turns out the closest place was closed and I ended up going to a restaurant. May I remind you I was by myself so this kind of freaked me out. I wasn't comfortable eating by myself, but then once I sat down and ordered it didn't seem that bad. I had brought my Bible and journal, and so I started journaling and eating lunch.

While I was eating lunch, I realized that I was actually enjoying being alone and eating out. I have never eaten in an actual restaurant by myself, I have eaten in fast food places by myself, but not a restaurant. I went to the movies by myself the other day and I do other things by myself, but eating out in a restaurant is not one of them until today. As I looked around the restaurant this thought occurred to me, "what if this was your life in another country forever, could you do this"? I smiled because I could honestly answer yes, I can do this.

I have a lot of fun going out alone (there are some moments that are not fun, but there are more good than bad moments) and it is great way to practice my Spanish, because I am more apt to speak Spanish on the streets when I am alone. If I mess up no one is there to see it and no one is watching me except the other person, who usually corrects me. I have also been having some good conversations with God while I am out and I love it. You can be alone without feeling lonely, God is always with us so we are never truly alone.

After lunch, I caught the bus to go to the school and then headed to Valle del Sol. Once I got in the car I knew something was wrong. Steve and I talked about some of the issues that have been taking place in Valle del Sol and in the church, where we hold our Saturday ministry for the kids. I have to admit I wanted to cry because there are so many issues in the Valle del Sol community and within the church that it breaks my heart. Well, our children's ministry was moved out of the church building because of the manipulation, pride, and selfishness of the "pastor" and owner of the building. I am not going to go into all the details, but if you could pray for her that would be great, and pray for the people within the church. The pastor deeply needs prayer, because there is a strong spiritual battle taking place in her life. It is hard for me to be upset with her because her struggles are so evident. I feel sorry for her.

Well, like I mentioned in a previous post we lost our main teacher because of some of the issues in church and the surrounding community. If you could still pray for Carla that would be great. I really want her to come back and so does everyone else, but her feelings have been deeply hurt by the pastor and others in the community. Not only have we lost our main teacher in the younger class, but today we showed up not knowing where we were going to hold all of the children.

God provided though and honestly I love our new building. It is a parking garage, without the cars, so the space is great. We had fewer children today because the pastor of the church decided to hold a party for the children in the community so that they wouldn't come (like I said before pray for her). However, the kids came. It was great seeing their smiling faces. I love those kids.

Since, Steve is leaving in a week to go to the USA to raise funds for the ministry I will be the lead teacher and student volunteer coordinator. I just found out I am teaching the class by myself until I find someone to help me. Please pray that someone, who is strong in their faith and loves kids, would come and help. Today, I led the class by myself, but really it was all God. I was amazed when I looked at the lesson and it was something I could actually explain in Spanish (the lesson is in English so I had to translate it and tell it to the kids), like I said it was all God. Everything went well. God is amazing.

This next tri-mester will be a great time of growth. I am not sure what God is preparing me for, but I am going to make the most of every opportunity and glorfiy Him. He is my rock. His love and faithfulness always amazes me. He is so good.   

What a day....

Today was a strange, sort of blah, day for me. I was excited and kind of hyper this morning, but later in the afternoon I started to get homesick. I started to miss some of my friends back home and I started wishing they were here. Sometimes you just want that person sitting next to you, who knows you so well that you don't have to say a thing and yet they understand what your feeling. I wanted those people here today.

As I was getting ready to start crying God comforted me. That voice deep inside me said, "You need to go lay down and rest". I laid in bed and prayed until I fell asleep. Once I woke up I wasn't really happy, but I felt comfort in knowing I wasn't alone. God is with me, and so I decided to go out and explore. I had fun and God taught me some lessons along the way.

"Without weakness you wouldn't know strength or feel compassion". This is the phrase that stuck out to me. After I heard this I thought, "without the recognition of my own weakness, I can not fully know God's strength". It is in my weakness that I do many things: fear, doubt, complain, question etc. You see what am I without God, I am weak. Once you see your own weakness, you can begin to see that it is only by His strength, love, and grace that you can stand. His strength holds you up.

The recognition of my weakness and God's
strength and love allows me to feel a deep compassion for others. What does compassion do? Compassion moves us to action. It is a deep feeling that requires movement. I know what it feels like to be broken and I know how weak I am and how strong God is, this is why I can identify with those who are broken and feel weak. I know God loves them as much as He loves me.


One of my favorite quotes is, "I know what God has done in my life and if He can save someone like me, than He can save anyone" (Ms. Pearl). There is a woman who recognized her own weakness and God's strength, and the compassion that she feels for single moms has moved her into helping hundreds and hundreds of people.

Thanks for the reminder.....

On our way home from the jazz concert and dinner, God reminded me that even though He is with me I still need to acknowledge the  discernment He has given me, and listen to that voice deep down inside that tells me when something is not right. I have been gaining more confidence in going out, and I like it because it helps me to feel like I can do something by myself and just trust in God that everything will work out how He wants it. However, God reminded tonight that I do still need to be cautious when going out and use discernment, even though He is taking care of me.

God's blessed reminder came when I was debating walking a block by myself to go home. Two friends were walking with me and as we approached the corner, I got an uneasy feeling about a car on the side of the road, but I was going to ignore it and just cross to the other side of the street and walk home by myself. When a man then came running around the corner clutching a bag and yelling, "thieves " in English. Then two men came running around the corner and jumped inside the car on the side of the road. We, my friends, the man, and I, all started to run around the corner to the guard shack and my friends and I went to another friend's house who could walk us home. We all made it home safely.

All I have to say is thank you Lord for your persistence and protection, even though I ignored you the first time. Thank you for sending that man who spoke English running around the corner, who kept me from walking home by myself. Thank you for the reminder that you have given me this discernment for a reason, it is not only to recognize the bad from the good, but also to protect others and myself. Thank you for making me aware of the things around me and for each day making more self-aware.

That is something I was thinking about the other day. I feel like I am more aware of what goes on around me than I am self-aware. I feel like I understand more and see more in the lives of others than I can see in myself. God has been making me more self-aware and for what I don't know, but I know it is good and necessary.

All in all tonight was a blessed ending to a wonderful night. I spent the evening with friends downtown at a jazz concert and then went out to dinner, where I had one of the best meals since my arrival in Costa Rica. I got to laugh a lot and I had fun relaxing with friends.

Nothing...

I don't take these postings lightly so I won't be writing tonight. I have spent the past 2 hours praying and thinking about what to write but, seriously nothing is coming to mind.

Can't you see that's just raining...you got to wake up slow

This morning, I had a lot of things that I had to get done so I hurried out of bed and went to the store early this morning (which was closed so I went to bakery). On my way home, as I walked on the deserted roads I started to wonder why I had been in such a hurry so I slowed down. I walked a little bit slower and looked at everything around me. It then occurred to me that I have not watched a single sunset since I have been in San Jose (I did at the beach but not in the city). As I turned the corner to head down my road, I just stopped and stared at the beautiful sunrise. I stared at the mountains and was just in awe of God.

Since I have been in Costa Rica that is one thing that I have been learning, to slow down. It has taken some getting use to, but now I am not just getting use to it I am actually starting to enjoy it. I don't need to be hurry, it is not like more time is going to be added to my day if I do. I still have 16 (waking) hours just like I did yesterday. The thing that matters most is what I am doing with the time that I have been given. What if your day was not considered "productive" by how much you got done, but by how you spent your time with God and others.

If loving God and loving others is the two greatest commandments then how do they affect your life? There is a saying that goes something like this, "if you want to see what a man values most just look at where he spends his money and time". Where do you spend your time?

Leviticus: Be Holy

I have been studying Moses for quite sometime now and I find myself currently in Leviticus. This is not a book that I hear about very often. The first memory I have of this book is from when I was in youth group in High School, and the small group leader made a joke about studying the book of Leviticus. Leviticus is not a book of the Bible that many Christian choose to read or study. However, like I said before everything in the Bible is there for a reason and I know that, ¨all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,  so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work,¨ so since I believe this to be true I wanted to continue following Moses through this book (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

At first when I started reading, I thought, ¨wow God, you are really detailed in how you wanted everything done. Did it really mean that much to you, to have Aaron sprinkle the altar with blood four times instead of three¨? Then when I read about Aaron´s sons Nadab and Abihu being consumed by the fire of the Lord and dying because they offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, I got my answer (Leviticus 10). Okay God, it really does matter that much to you. 

You see when reading this book what I failed to see is that everything matters to God. God was teaching His children about obedience and surrendering everything over to Him. It mattered to Him what they ate, how they offered their sacrifices, and how the acted, because these people represented His chosen people, His children, to the rest of the world. 

¨I am the LORD, who brought you up out of Egypt to be your God; therefore be holy, because I am holy.¨ Leviticus 11:45

I know this lesson still rings true for today, ¨be holy, because I am Holy¨. The same God who brought the Isrealites out of Egypt desires to be in a relationship with me and I desire to be in a relationship with Him. Everything I do and say matters to Him and He wants nothing more than for me to love Him and love others. My life to others should look different to the rest of the world, just as the Isrealites lives looked different to the world in their time. Although, my life looks different from the Isrealites lives the obedience that the Lord desires from me is not any different. I don´t have to make animal sacrifices because Jesus has paid my debt in full. However,  I do need to live a life worthy of my Lord and flee from sin.

My struggles/Confession

I am a 23 year old single female missionary trying to live out my daily life for God. My thoughts, struggles, and beliefs are subject to change as my life progresses and as I come to know the Lord more, through His Word and the help of older mature Christians. I say this because what I am about to share is personal, but I believe it is necessary that I share this with you all.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16

Confession is apart of my daily life. I confess daily my sins to God, but I also confess my sins to others so that I may be held accountable for them. My walk with the Lord is serious to me and when I say that I seek the Lord I mean it. I seek Him with every ounce of my being and I pour my heart and soul out to Him, I want nothing hindering our relationship.

So here are my struggles (these are the things the Lord has revealed to me that I have struggled with all my life):

- I struggle with trusting others.
- I struggle with accepting love from others. I often wonder, why do they love me?
- I struggle with sharing my feelings with others. I often hid my feelings because I think my thoughts and ideas don't matter to others.
- I struggle with accepting my identity in the Lord and accepting His love for me.
- I struggle with forgiving myself for my own sins more than I do with forgiving those who have wronged me.
- I struggle with trusting God in certain areas of my life.
- I struggle with loneliness.

Those are my struggles and if you could pray for me in each of those areas I would appreciate it.

Since, I have been in Costa Rica the Lord and I have beening talking a lot. He alone has been my stronghold and my Rock. When you are left with no where else to go, it can be easy to run to the Lord, but what you might find there is not always what you want to hear or see. God has been peeling back the layers of my doubts and struggles in order that I may serve Him completely. When we, as Christians, talk about surrendering everything over to God that means everything, even all your insecurities and failures. God already sees you for who you are, but God wants you to see yourself as the person He has made you to be, good and set apart to do good works. God is teaching me about who He has made me to be and each day I am starting to see more of that person. When I go out every morning, I want people to see less of me and more of God, but in order to do that I need to give every part of my life over to God. I need to trust in Him and His love for me. 

God and I have spent many hours dissecting each of my struggles and filling them with His truth. God is faithful and the joy that I am feeling now is indescribable. It is not easy giving everything over to the Lord, because that requires letting go of control. However, when you do the peace and the rest that you find is amazing. God's grace is truly amazing.

"To the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding." Ephesians 1:6-8

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-9