Today was a strange, sort of blah, day for me. I was excited and kind of hyper this morning, but later in the afternoon I started to get homesick. I started to miss some of my friends back home and I started wishing they were here. Sometimes you just want that person sitting next to you, who knows you so well that you don't have to say a thing and yet they understand what your feeling. I wanted those people here today.
As I was getting ready to start crying God comforted me. That voice deep inside me said, "You need to go lay down and rest". I laid in bed and prayed until I fell asleep. Once I woke up I wasn't really happy, but I felt comfort in knowing I wasn't alone. God is with me, and so I decided to go out and explore. I had fun and God taught me some lessons along the way.
"Without weakness you wouldn't know strength or feel compassion". This is the phrase that stuck out to me. After I heard this I thought, "without the recognition of my own weakness, I can not fully know God's strength". It is in my weakness that I do many things: fear, doubt, complain, question etc. You see what am I without God, I am weak. Once you see your own weakness, you can begin to see that it is only by His strength, love, and grace that you can stand. His strength holds you up.
The recognition of my weakness and God's
strength and love allows me to feel a deep compassion for others. What does compassion do? Compassion moves us to action. It is a deep feeling that requires movement. I know what it feels like to be broken and I know how weak I am and how strong God is, this is why I can identify with those who are broken and feel weak. I know God loves them as much as He loves me.
One of my favorite quotes is, "I know what God has done in my life and if He can save someone like me, than He can save anyone" (Ms. Pearl). There is a woman who recognized her own weakness and God's strength, and the compassion that she feels for single moms has moved her into helping hundreds and hundreds of people.
August 05, 2011
August 04, 2011
Thanks for the reminder.....
On our way home from the jazz concert and dinner, God reminded me that even though He is with me I still need to acknowledge the discernment He has given me, and listen to that voice deep down inside that tells me when something is not right. I have been gaining more confidence in going out, and I like it because it helps me to feel like I can do something by myself and just trust in God that everything will work out how He wants it. However, God reminded tonight that I do still need to be cautious when going out and use discernment, even though He is taking care of me.
God's blessed reminder came when I was debating walking a block by myself to go home. Two friends were walking with me and as we approached the corner, I got an uneasy feeling about a car on the side of the road, but I was going to ignore it and just cross to the other side of the street and walk home by myself. When a man then came running around the corner clutching a bag and yelling, "thieves " in English. Then two men came running around the corner and jumped inside the car on the side of the road. We, my friends, the man, and I, all started to run around the corner to the guard shack and my friends and I went to another friend's house who could walk us home. We all made it home safely.
All I have to say is thank you Lord for your persistence and protection, even though I ignored you the first time. Thank you for sending that man who spoke English running around the corner, who kept me from walking home by myself. Thank you for the reminder that you have given me this discernment for a reason, it is not only to recognize the bad from the good, but also to protect others and myself. Thank you for making me aware of the things around me and for each day making more self-aware.
That is something I was thinking about the other day. I feel like I am more aware of what goes on around me than I am self-aware. I feel like I understand more and see more in the lives of others than I can see in myself. God has been making me more self-aware and for what I don't know, but I know it is good and necessary.
All in all tonight was a blessed ending to a wonderful night. I spent the evening with friends downtown at a jazz concert and then went out to dinner, where I had one of the best meals since my arrival in Costa Rica. I got to laugh a lot and I had fun relaxing with friends.
God's blessed reminder came when I was debating walking a block by myself to go home. Two friends were walking with me and as we approached the corner, I got an uneasy feeling about a car on the side of the road, but I was going to ignore it and just cross to the other side of the street and walk home by myself. When a man then came running around the corner clutching a bag and yelling, "thieves " in English. Then two men came running around the corner and jumped inside the car on the side of the road. We, my friends, the man, and I, all started to run around the corner to the guard shack and my friends and I went to another friend's house who could walk us home. We all made it home safely.
All I have to say is thank you Lord for your persistence and protection, even though I ignored you the first time. Thank you for sending that man who spoke English running around the corner, who kept me from walking home by myself. Thank you for the reminder that you have given me this discernment for a reason, it is not only to recognize the bad from the good, but also to protect others and myself. Thank you for making me aware of the things around me and for each day making more self-aware.
That is something I was thinking about the other day. I feel like I am more aware of what goes on around me than I am self-aware. I feel like I understand more and see more in the lives of others than I can see in myself. God has been making me more self-aware and for what I don't know, but I know it is good and necessary.
All in all tonight was a blessed ending to a wonderful night. I spent the evening with friends downtown at a jazz concert and then went out to dinner, where I had one of the best meals since my arrival in Costa Rica. I got to laugh a lot and I had fun relaxing with friends.
August 03, 2011
Nothing...
I don't take these postings lightly so I won't be writing tonight. I have spent the past 2 hours praying and thinking about what to write but, seriously nothing is coming to mind.
August 02, 2011
Can't you see that's just raining...you got to wake up slow
This morning, I had a lot of things that I had to get done so I hurried out of bed and went to the store early this morning (which was closed so I went to bakery). On my way home, as I walked on the deserted roads I started to wonder why I had been in such a hurry so I slowed down. I walked a little bit slower and looked at everything around me. It then occurred to me that I have not watched a single sunset since I have been in San Jose (I did at the beach but not in the city). As I turned the corner to head down my road, I just stopped and stared at the beautiful sunrise. I stared at the mountains and was just in awe of God.
Since I have been in Costa Rica that is one thing that I have been learning, to slow down. It has taken some getting use to, but now I am not just getting use to it I am actually starting to enjoy it. I don't need to be hurry, it is not like more time is going to be added to my day if I do. I still have 16 (waking) hours just like I did yesterday. The thing that matters most is what I am doing with the time that I have been given. What if your day was not considered "productive" by how much you got done, but by how you spent your time with God and others.
If loving God and loving others is the two greatest commandments then how do they affect your life? There is a saying that goes something like this, "if you want to see what a man values most just look at where he spends his money and time". Where do you spend your time?
Since I have been in Costa Rica that is one thing that I have been learning, to slow down. It has taken some getting use to, but now I am not just getting use to it I am actually starting to enjoy it. I don't need to be hurry, it is not like more time is going to be added to my day if I do. I still have 16 (waking) hours just like I did yesterday. The thing that matters most is what I am doing with the time that I have been given. What if your day was not considered "productive" by how much you got done, but by how you spent your time with God and others.
If loving God and loving others is the two greatest commandments then how do they affect your life? There is a saying that goes something like this, "if you want to see what a man values most just look at where he spends his money and time". Where do you spend your time?
August 01, 2011
Leviticus: Be Holy
I have been studying Moses for quite sometime now and I find myself currently in Leviticus. This is not a book that I hear about very often. The first memory I have of this book is from when I was in youth group in High School, and the small group leader made a joke about studying the book of Leviticus. Leviticus is not a book of the Bible that many Christian choose to read or study. However, like I said before everything in the Bible is there for a reason and I know that, ¨all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work,¨ so since I believe this to be true I wanted to continue following Moses through this book (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
At first when I started reading, I thought, ¨wow God, you are really detailed in how you wanted everything done. Did it really mean that much to you, to have Aaron sprinkle the altar with blood four times instead of three¨? Then when I read about Aaron´s sons Nadab and Abihu being consumed by the fire of the Lord and dying because they offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, I got my answer (Leviticus 10). Okay God, it really does matter that much to you.
You see when reading this book what I failed to see is that everything matters to God. God was teaching His children about obedience and surrendering everything over to Him. It mattered to Him what they ate, how they offered their sacrifices, and how the acted, because these people represented His chosen people, His children, to the rest of the world.
I know this lesson still rings true for today, ¨be holy, because I am Holy¨. The same God who brought the Isrealites out of Egypt desires to be in a relationship with me and I desire to be in a relationship with Him. Everything I do and say matters to Him and He wants nothing more than for me to love Him and love others. My life to others should look different to the rest of the world, just as the Isrealites lives looked different to the world in their time. Although, my life looks different from the Isrealites lives the obedience that the Lord desires from me is not any different. I don´t have to make animal sacrifices because Jesus has paid my debt in full. However, I do need to live a life worthy of my Lord and flee from sin.
July 31, 2011
My struggles/Confession
I am a 23 year old single female missionary trying to live out my daily life for God. My thoughts, struggles, and beliefs are subject to change as my life progresses and as I come to know the Lord more, through His Word and the help of older mature Christians. I say this because what I am about to share is personal, but I believe it is necessary that I share this with you all.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16
Confession is apart of my daily life. I confess daily my sins to God, but I also confess my sins to others so that I may be held accountable for them. My walk with the Lord is serious to me and when I say that I seek the Lord I mean it. I seek Him with every ounce of my being and I pour my heart and soul out to Him, I want nothing hindering our relationship.
So here are my struggles (these are the things the Lord has revealed to me that I have struggled with all my life):
- I struggle with trusting others.
- I struggle with accepting love from others. I often wonder, why do they love me?
- I struggle with sharing my feelings with others. I often hid my feelings because I think my thoughts and ideas don't matter to others.
- I struggle with accepting my identity in the Lord and accepting His love for me.
- I struggle with forgiving myself for my own sins more than I do with forgiving those who have wronged me.
- I struggle with trusting God in certain areas of my life.
- I struggle with loneliness.
Those are my struggles and if you could pray for me in each of those areas I would appreciate it.
Since, I have been in Costa Rica the Lord and I have beening talking a lot. He alone has been my stronghold and my Rock. When you are left with no where else to go, it can be easy to run to the Lord, but what you might find there is not always what you want to hear or see. God has been peeling back the layers of my doubts and struggles in order that I may serve Him completely. When we, as Christians, talk about surrendering everything over to God that means everything, even all your insecurities and failures. God already sees you for who you are, but God wants you to see yourself as the person He has made you to be, good and set apart to do good works. God is teaching me about who He has made me to be and each day I am starting to see more of that person. When I go out every morning, I want people to see less of me and more of God, but in order to do that I need to give every part of my life over to God. I need to trust in Him and His love for me.
God and I have spent many hours dissecting each of my struggles and filling them with His truth. God is faithful and the joy that I am feeling now is indescribable. It is not easy giving everything over to the Lord, because that requires letting go of control. However, when you do the peace and the rest that you find is amazing. God's grace is truly amazing.
"To the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding." Ephesians 1:6-8
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-9
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16
Confession is apart of my daily life. I confess daily my sins to God, but I also confess my sins to others so that I may be held accountable for them. My walk with the Lord is serious to me and when I say that I seek the Lord I mean it. I seek Him with every ounce of my being and I pour my heart and soul out to Him, I want nothing hindering our relationship.
So here are my struggles (these are the things the Lord has revealed to me that I have struggled with all my life):
- I struggle with trusting others.
- I struggle with accepting love from others. I often wonder, why do they love me?
- I struggle with sharing my feelings with others. I often hid my feelings because I think my thoughts and ideas don't matter to others.
- I struggle with accepting my identity in the Lord and accepting His love for me.
- I struggle with forgiving myself for my own sins more than I do with forgiving those who have wronged me.
- I struggle with trusting God in certain areas of my life.
- I struggle with loneliness.
Those are my struggles and if you could pray for me in each of those areas I would appreciate it.
Since, I have been in Costa Rica the Lord and I have beening talking a lot. He alone has been my stronghold and my Rock. When you are left with no where else to go, it can be easy to run to the Lord, but what you might find there is not always what you want to hear or see. God has been peeling back the layers of my doubts and struggles in order that I may serve Him completely. When we, as Christians, talk about surrendering everything over to God that means everything, even all your insecurities and failures. God already sees you for who you are, but God wants you to see yourself as the person He has made you to be, good and set apart to do good works. God is teaching me about who He has made me to be and each day I am starting to see more of that person. When I go out every morning, I want people to see less of me and more of God, but in order to do that I need to give every part of my life over to God. I need to trust in Him and His love for me.
God and I have spent many hours dissecting each of my struggles and filling them with His truth. God is faithful and the joy that I am feeling now is indescribable. It is not easy giving everything over to the Lord, because that requires letting go of control. However, when you do the peace and the rest that you find is amazing. God's grace is truly amazing.
"To the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding." Ephesians 1:6-8
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-9
July 30, 2011
Saturday: my favorite day of the week
Today, I woke up excited and ready to go. Usually on Saturday mornings I stay in bed til 11am, reading or watching a movie, but not today. I was up early and was ready to go.
Yesterday, while I was at the STUCO, student council, dinner at Joel and Krista's house, Joel told me about a jazz concert that was taking place that evening. I am falling in love with jazz music (and it makes me think of my host family in Wisconsin) so I dediced this morning to go downtown to see if the jazz concert was going to be taking place again.
Going into downtown San José by myself is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do. I love to walk around and people watch. Today, I got to see 2 different people/groups doing street evangelism, a dancing elf, 2 guys dressed up as bees, and a failed attempt at a robbery. Where else would I get to see all that in two hours? Really my favorite part is watching how people talk and interact, and dress, you can learn a lot about the culture by just watching the people.
As it turned out the jazz concert isn't performing again til Thursday. I am going to see if I can get a group from the school to go since it is going to be in the evening. I ended up walking around and exploring different streets. I found a second hand store having a sale so I dediced to go look for a pair of jeans. After almost an hour, I found a pair of jeans and a shirt. I was happy. (It is hard to find a pair of jeans, that are not skinny jeans, in my size in Costa Rica so finding a pair is a big deal.)
Afterwards, I headed back to the bus station and waited for almost a half hour for a bus. I was running late to meet up with Steve to go to Valle del Sol, and ended up grabbing a taxi once the bus dropped me off at the park to go meet up with him. I am getting more comfortable traveling by myself, and I like it alot. Don't worry though I am always cautious and use discernment.
Today at Valle del Sol, we had so many kids. In the classroom for kids under 7, we had at least 40 kids. We also had a group visiting from Brazil that dediced to help out. The kids learned a song in Portuguese. That was cool. While we sang, I thought of my friends, Jim and Shelley, at home.
The classroom was somewhat crazy because we lost our lead teacher, at least for now. If you could pray for the church in Valle del Sol and the president of the barrio, there is a lot of tension and it is affecting the ministry. Please pray that Clara would come back and be able to teach again. Pray that people would be able to get along and humble themselves, specifically the president of the barrio.
Even with the chaos, The kids had a lot of fun. We had a piñata, as a surprise, today and they loved it. It was such a blessing to see that many children there and then to also be able to have two surprises for them, the group from Brazil and a piñata. We almost didn't have enough supplies for all the kids, but God is faithful and everything turned out great.
It was a wonderful day.
Yesterday, while I was at the STUCO, student council, dinner at Joel and Krista's house, Joel told me about a jazz concert that was taking place that evening. I am falling in love with jazz music (and it makes me think of my host family in Wisconsin) so I dediced this morning to go downtown to see if the jazz concert was going to be taking place again.
Going into downtown San José by myself is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do. I love to walk around and people watch. Today, I got to see 2 different people/groups doing street evangelism, a dancing elf, 2 guys dressed up as bees, and a failed attempt at a robbery. Where else would I get to see all that in two hours? Really my favorite part is watching how people talk and interact, and dress, you can learn a lot about the culture by just watching the people.
As it turned out the jazz concert isn't performing again til Thursday. I am going to see if I can get a group from the school to go since it is going to be in the evening. I ended up walking around and exploring different streets. I found a second hand store having a sale so I dediced to go look for a pair of jeans. After almost an hour, I found a pair of jeans and a shirt. I was happy. (It is hard to find a pair of jeans, that are not skinny jeans, in my size in Costa Rica so finding a pair is a big deal.)
Afterwards, I headed back to the bus station and waited for almost a half hour for a bus. I was running late to meet up with Steve to go to Valle del Sol, and ended up grabbing a taxi once the bus dropped me off at the park to go meet up with him. I am getting more comfortable traveling by myself, and I like it alot. Don't worry though I am always cautious and use discernment.
Today at Valle del Sol, we had so many kids. In the classroom for kids under 7, we had at least 40 kids. We also had a group visiting from Brazil that dediced to help out. The kids learned a song in Portuguese. That was cool. While we sang, I thought of my friends, Jim and Shelley, at home.
The classroom was somewhat crazy because we lost our lead teacher, at least for now. If you could pray for the church in Valle del Sol and the president of the barrio, there is a lot of tension and it is affecting the ministry. Please pray that Clara would come back and be able to teach again. Pray that people would be able to get along and humble themselves, specifically the president of the barrio.
Even with the chaos, The kids had a lot of fun. We had a piñata, as a surprise, today and they loved it. It was such a blessing to see that many children there and then to also be able to have two surprises for them, the group from Brazil and a piñata. We almost didn't have enough supplies for all the kids, but God is faithful and everything turned out great.
It was a wonderful day.
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